You've probably heard about the well-known marshmallow experiment by now, a study showing the power of delaying gratification and its link to success.
However, instant gratification is increasingly a central part of our daily lives from the immediate pleasure of online gaming, gambling, and shopping to surfing social media and playing games on a zillion apps. There is a plethora of choices and gratification everywhere! Like it or not, tech addiction is a real thing—and it does NOT build delayed gratification!
Estimated reading time: 5 minutes... much longer to master 😎
Blog Contents:
The Goose and the Golden Egg
The Marshmallow Test Revisited: Lessons in Self-Control
Emotional Intelligence: The Key to Managing Our Desires
The Science of Delayed Gratification and Success
10 Benefits of Self-Control and Delayed Gratification
Practical Actions to Improve Impulse Control for Better Self-Discipline
1 - Journaling and Self-Reflection
2 - Neuroplasticity-Based Habit Stacking
3 - Micro-Challenge Scaffolding
4 - Emotional Intelligence Pairing
5 - Environmental Cue Restructuring
Transforming Instant Gratification for Lifelong Benefits
The Goose and the Golden Egg
One of the most remarkable stories that eloquently illustrates the high cost of instant gratification is the Aesop fable, The Goose and the Golden Egg.
In this short yet powerful story, a country farmer becomes rich with a magical goose. Then, he becomes impatient destroying the very thing that blessed him.
When our desires and greed (or addictions) override common sense and mindful decision-making, the price we pay can be sobering.
Every day, we are either gratifying ourselves in the short-term or we're keeping our focus on the greatest good and future possibilities. The later one necessitates the power of pause, of waiting, of delaying pleasure, and weighing our actions against our values and goals.
The pursuit of immediate pleasure and excitement should not be a replacement for the profound benefits of delayed gratification, particularly in personal and professional development. Understanding and managing our emotions and desires with emotional intelligence can lead to more fulfillment in life, relationships and careers.
But can you wait!? 
The Marshmallow Test Revisited: Lessons in Self-Control
The Aesop fable about the goose revealed the problem with instant gratification and impatience while also unpacking a complex concept with a simple prose.
A more recent example that exemplifies this same lesson was the famous marshmallow experiment. It was conducted by Stanford Professor Walter Mischel in the 1960s and provides compelling insights into the nature of self-control and its long-term benefits.
Children were offered a choice between an immediate reward of one marshmallow or two marshmallows if they could wait. Follow-up studies revealed that those who chose to wait generally achieved greater success, such as higher SAT scores, and other various aspects as adults.
While the marshmallow experiment has been a cornerstone in understanding delayed gratification, other later studies have challenged the results showing that it's not just about distraction techniques or willpower. There are other critical factors at play.
Regardless, the importance of impulse control and self-regulation cannot be overstated.
Related reading: "Are You Teaching Your Child Self-Control."
Emotional Intelligence: The Key to Managing Our Desires
Emotional intelligence (EQ) is the ability to understand and manage one's own emotions and behaviors.
In the context of instant gratification, EQ equips us with the skills to pause, reflect, and choose actions that align with long-term goals rather than succumbing to fleeting desires and gratifying pleasure.
Strengthening impulse control is essential not only in controlling our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors but also to save money, effectively learn and study, achieve work-life balance and reach our goals. It also prevents bad habits from taking root.
High EQ (emotional quotient) enables us to navigate the complexities of our emotions and desires, and make sound decisions that contribute to our personal growth and satisfaction.
The Science of Delayed Gratification and Success
Research has consistently shown a strong correlation between the ability to delay gratification and success in various life domains.
"It has demonstrated that self-control is a robust protective factor for a number of social and health risk behaviors, particularly during adolescence. Conversely, low self-control is significantly associated with a variety of negative outcomes including illicit drug use, obesity, and depressive symptoms."
Instant gratification studies show that the capacity for self-control and patience predicts better academic performance, healthier relationships, and professional achievements.
By understanding the psychological mechanisms behind delayed gratification, you can develop strategies to enhance self-discipline and achieve greater success. Let's review the top ten benefits for those who learn self-restraint.
10 Benefits of Self-Control and Impulse Control
(based on research)
Self-control and the ability to delay gratification are important skills that contribute to various aspects of personal and professional success. Here are ten scientifically-backed benefits of these abilities:
Improved Academic Performance
Individuals with high self-control tend to perform better academically. Self-restraint is a primary factor which allows them to resist distractions and focus on long-term educational goals.
Better Physical Health
Delayed gratification is linked to healthier lifestyle choices, such as better dietary practices and regular exercise. This attribute can lead to lower rates of obesity and decrease health issues.
Enhanced Psychological Well-Being
People who can delay gratification often experience higher levels of psychological well-being. They are less impulsive and more capable of managing stress in their relationships and regulating emotions.
Reduced Risky Behaviors
High self-control is associated with lower engagement in risky behaviors, such as excessive alcohol consumption and unsafe sexual practices. This increase in risk is particularly evident in teens and young adults.
Greater Financial Stability
People who can delay gratification are better at budgeting and saving money and making prudent financial decisions, which leads to greater financial stability and security.
Improved Social Relationships
Self-control contributes to better social interactions and relationships. People with higher self-management skills are usually more responsive, empathetic and considerate, which fosters stronger and more positive connections with others.
Increased Perseverance and Goal Achievement
The ability to delay gratification enhances perseverance in challenging tasks and large projects. This trait is essential for achieving long-term goals and overcoming obstacles personally, relationally, and professionally.
Enhanced Decision-Making Skills
Those with high self-control are better at making rational decisions. They can weigh the long-term benefits against short-term temptations, leading to more thoughtful and beneficial choices.
Higher Levels of Self-Esteem
Successfully monitoring desires and exercising self-control can equate to higher self-esteem and self-efficacy. Individuals feel more competent and in control of their lives, which enhances their overall self-worth.
Better Emotional Regulation
Self-control helps in regulating emotions effectively. People who can delay gratification are less likely to experience extreme emotional reactions such as lashing out in anger. Also, they are better at maintaining emotional balance.
Pretty hefty list of benefits, isn't it!?
These benefits highlight the importance of cultivating self-control and the ability to delay gratification for overall life success and well-being.
Practical Actions to Improve Impulse Control for Better Self-Discipline
Improving self-discipline involves building a relationship of trust with yourself.
Just as the children in the Marshmallow experiment kept their focus on the promise of a greater reward in the future, the ability to wait is what sets people apart in success.
As an emotional intelligence and personal transformation coach for several decades, I've developed innovative approaches to building self-control that are both practical and accessible.
Below are six simple ways to develop increased self-control.
Journal and Reflect for Greater Self-Awareness
Develop a unique journaling practice that combines self-reflection on self-control challenges with self-compassion. This approach helps you learn from setbacks without harsh judgment and encourages the building of resilience and a growth mindset.
Writing is a fantastic way to spot patterns, process emotions, or simply reflect and learn greater self-awareness.
Neuroplasticity-Based Habit Stacking to Accelerate Change
You can harness the brain's ability to form new neural pathways by strategically "stacking" small acts of self-control onto existing habits.
For example, if you already have a habit of checking your phone first thing in the morning, capitalize on the habit and add a new positive action. Try adding a 60-second mindfulness exercise before unlocking it. Or immediately after typing your passcode, use a mindfulness app and do a guided meditation BEFORE you start checking email, social media or the like.
Or my current favorite: as I await boiling water in the morning when making tea or coffee (a current ritual), I added squats as I wait. One set of ten without weights and another with weights. So, by the time the water is ready, I've done twenty squats. That's one hundred and forty by the end of the week!
This gradual and gentle approach builds self-control muscles without overwhelming you or tiring the brain's executive function.
Related reading: "The Brain's Love of Novelty."
Micro-Challenge Scaffolding to Ensure Ease and Consistency
Micro-Challenge Scaffolding is a gentle yet effective technique for building self-control by gradually increasing the difficulty of small, manageable tasks. This approach allows you to build confidence and create positive momentum in developing new self-control muscles.
The key principles of this method are as follows:
- Start incredibly small.
- Increase difficulty gradually.
- Celebrate each success.
- Maintain consistency.
- Adapt challenges to personal goals.
Here are some real-life examples:
Digital Detox Challenge
Are you wanting to cut back on your screentime and spend more quality time with your family. A Digital Detox is a great way to begin that goal using micro-steps.
Week 1: Wait 5 minutes after waking up before checking your phone.
Week 2: Extend to 10 minutes.
Week 3: 15 minutes, plus no phone during breakfast.
Week 4: 30 minutes, plus designate a 1-hour phone-free period during the day.
Continue escalating until you achieve your desired digital balance.
Healthy Eating Challenge
Or maybe you're looking to clean up your diet and eat healthier. If you're tired of being overweight, these small steps will point you in the right direction and set a solid foundation for weight loss and a healthier lifestyle.
Day 1-3: Add one extra serving of vegetables to your daily diet.
Day 4-7: Replace one unhealthy snack with a fruit.
Week 2: Prepare one home-cooked meal from scratch.
Week 3: Eliminate one processed food item from your diet.
Week 4: Try a new healthy recipe each week.
Gradually increase until you've transformed your eating habits. Then perhaps, begin the same process with an exercise program.
Or perhaps you're having a difficult time managing your money and are incurring credit card debt. Here's one possible version of the Micro-Challenge Scaffolding:
Financial Self-Control Challenge
Week 1: Track all expenses for three days to one week.
Week 2: Review your expense log and identify one—only one!— unnecessary purchase to eliminate. Perhaps, eliminate that latte you stop for every morning.
Week 3: Create a basic budget for one spending category, such as groceries or clothing.
Week 4: Expand the budget to include all major spending areas. Implement a strategy to save a certain amount each week or month.
Gradually increase your savings goals and the budget complexity as you build momentum.
By implementing the Micro-Challenge Escalation in an area where you want to improve, you will create positive habits with ease and flex your self-control muscles.
The key is to:
- START SMALL
- BE CONSISTENT
- GRADUALLY INCREASE THE CHALLENGE
This method builds confidence and creates a positive feedback loop, reinforcing the belief in one's ability to exercise self-control.
Emotional Intelligence Pairing for Greater Effectiveness
Emotional Intelligence Pairing is an incredible tactic that combines self-control exercises with emotional awareness practices to enhance both skills simultaneously. This approach leverages the interconnectedness of emotional regulation and impulse control, leading to improved emotional awareness, self-management, and overall well-being.
Here are several practical examples of how to implement Emotional Intelligence Pairing in your daily life:
Emotion Identification Before Decision-Making
Before making a decision that requires self-control, such as resisting the urge to snack on unhealthy food, take a moment to identify and name your emotions. By acknowledging these emotions, you can better understand the underlying reasons for your impulses and make more informed choices.
How to Implement:
Pause and Reflect: When you feel an impulse, pause for a moment and ask yourself, "What am I feeling right now?"
Name the Emotion: Identify and name the specific emotion (e.g., sadness, boredom, frustration, or anger).
Choose a Response: Decide on a healthier response that addresses the emotion directly, such as taking a walk or practicing deep breathing.
Deep Dive: "Boost Your Emotional Intelligence: 5 Essential Keys to Emotional Literacy."
Mindful Eating Practices
Pair self-control with mindful eating by paying full attention to the experience of eating.
Focus on the taste, texture, and aroma of your food, and eat slowly to savor each bite. This practice helps you develop greater awareness of your eating habits and enhances your ability to resist overeating.
How to Implement:
Choose the setting: Create a calm eating environment free from distractions like TV or smartphones.
Engage Your Senses: Take a moment to appreciate the appearance and smell of your food before taking a bite.
Chew Slowly: Chew each bite thoroughly and focus on the flavors and textures. Continue until the food becomes liquid in your mouth. Then repeat.
Check In: Periodically check in with your eating throughout the week.
- Are you mindlessly wolfing down food without chewing? If you are eating too fast, begin the above practice again.
- Have you been overeating? If so, set some mini-goals of how much is healthy.
- Do you eat when you're stressed? If so, practice breathing and calming before eating.
Environmental Cue Restructuring to Support Your Goals
Environmental Cue Restructuring is a powerful strategy for building self-control by actively redesigning your physical environment to support your goals and minimize temptations. This approach leverages the significant impact that our surroundings have on our behavior and decision-making processes. Here's an expanded look at this concept with real-life examples and applications:
Understanding Environmental Cue Restructuring with Examples
Environmental cues are stimuli in our surroundings that can trigger certain behaviors or responses. Our environment plays a significant role in shaping our ability to delay gratification.
By restructuring these cues, we can create an environment that supports our goals and makes it easier to exercise self-control. This strategy is based on the principle that it's often more effective to change our environment than to rely solely on willpower.
Real-Life Examples and Applications:
Healthy Eating Habits
- Remove unhealthy snacks from visible areas in your kitchen.
- Place a fruit bowl on the counter for easy access.
- Use smaller plates to control portion sizes.
- Store healthy foods at eye level in the refrigerator.
- Hide unhealthy snacks out of sight... like I just did for husband and the Girl Scout cookies he was given. 😀
Productivity Enhancement
- Create a dedicated workspace free from distractions.
- Use noise-cancelling headphones to minimize auditory distractions.
- Install website blockers on your devices during work hours.
- Set up a physical timer on your desk to manage work intervals.
- If you work at a home office, try white noise to help drown out distractions or kids playing.
Exercise Motivation
- Lay out workout clothes the night before.
- Keep exercise equipment visible and easily accessible.
- Create a dedicated workout space in your home.
- Post motivational quotes and pictures to inspire you.
- Use progress charts and keep them in your exercise area for encouragement.
Creating an environment that minimizes temptations and encourages focus on long-term goals can significantly enhance our capacity for delayed gratification.
Transforming Instant Gratification for Lifelong Benefits
As we conclude, it's important to recognize that these EQ concepts and skills are not just about resisting temptation—they are fundamental components of emotional intelligence and personal growth. They require consistent and deliberate practice.
Be sure and approach this learning with compassion and patience for yourself. Celebrate your progress, no matter how small because each time you choose a long-term benefit over immediate pleasure, you're strengthening your emotional muscles and building resilience.
The path to mastering delayed gratification is a lifelong journey, one that will enrich every aspect of your life. So, take that first step. Choose one area and implement one of the strategies we've discussed.
Begin TODAY!
For more on emotional intelligence, check out our online course.
