The Challenge of Love and Marriage

April 18, 2019
As I was driving on the interstate a while back, I passed a truck with the license plate EZ2LOVE. My mind tossed this little saying around for quite some time. In my line of work, I think about love quite a bit (don't we all?), but "easy" and "love" aren't words I usually hear my clients use in the same sentence. I wondered why the driver had posted this little saying for all to see. And what did it mean? Was it a statement that he or she is easy to love? Was it a general statement that love is easy? Although the latest studies show a lowering of the divorce rate, particularly with the M [...]

Posted in Love, Marriage, and Relationships

Love Is Sometimes Inconvenient!

February 26, 2019

It’s common to have unrealistic and romantic ideas about love, relationships, and marriage. We grow up with a solid diet of fairytales and love stories. Nobody tells you how much work it is to love someone full-time, 24-7, seven days a week—really love someone.

After the honeymoon wears off, it hits you—sometimes gradually, other times suddenly like a ton of bricks. You’re living day-to-day with the quirks of your partner and juggling all the pressures of life and work. Then, one day, you have this pit in our stomach and dare to wonder if you married the wrong person. Relationship [...]

Posted in Love, Marriage, and Relationships

How Being Compliant Destroys Marriages

February 15, 2019

One of the most common and precarious habits that I observe in couples and even long-term marriages is the popular behavior of telling your partner what they want to hear rather than what you need, want, think and feel. When we go along with our partner rather than engage on a real and authentic level, it builds a marriage with unsteady stilts that can topple at any time.

Pleasing, people pleasers and compliance are prevalent. So why is this habit so pervasive?

Posted in Love, Marriage, and Relationships

How Principles of Ecology Apply to Personal Relationships

February 10, 2019

Did you know that nature creates no waste? Last summer, I had to remind myself of this fact when I came across a magpie greedily devouring a carcase while on a walk.

Think about the magnitude of the concept of "no waste" for a moment. Profound isn't it? Even mind boggling.

It turns out that health for an ecosystem, including our relationship with ourselves,  boils down to a few age-old principles. If we're going to create and keep anything healthy, we have to take care of it!

Posted in Love, Marriage, and Relationships, Our Heartmanity Online Webinars, Friendships and Community

Do You Want a Happy Marriage? Do These 5 Actions!

January 24, 2019

As I ponder this past year and look forward to new beginnings, one thing is top of mind: my relationships. A ritual I never miss at the beginning of each new year is taking stock of how well I have loved those most important to me the year before. One of the most precious people in my life, as you might guess, is my husband of nearly 40 years. Reflecting on what has supported our happiness and success, there are a few things that stand out, which occurred to me might be helpful to others.

Over the years, I’ve worked with scores of struggling couples. When I ask them if they reserve time [...]

Posted in Love, Marriage, and Relationships

You Create the Quality of Your Relationship

January 13, 2019
My friends all know that I would rather go without eating than eat fast food. It's not that an occasional meal at Burger King is going to give you anything but indigestion, but if you make a habit of it, your health and quality of life can decline rapidly.

Relationship works that way, too. Are you looking for a drive-through experience, or a rich, meaningful relationship to savor?

Posted in Love, Marriage, and Relationships

Falling Out of Love

April 26, 2018

In our very active and full lives, it is so easy to get caught up in the daily demands of our life and sacrifice love. Many struggling couples ask me, "Can you fall out of love?"

The truth is, love requires nurturing. No matter how deeply you love someone, if you allow weeds to grow in your relationship, they can crowd out love and choke the life right out of your marriage. It doesn't take long for two people in a loving relationship to become distant or "fall out of love." Because of the day-in, day-out details we are continually juggling in our lives, we can slip into autopilot in ways [...]

Posted in Love, Marriage, and Relationships

7 Ways to Infuse Love into Your Marriage

March 20, 2018

The love is there—it just might have ebbed to the fringes a bit.

It happens. Not just after a “honeymoon” phase, the literal honeymoon, the first child or the third, but possibly throughout it all. The feeling of love in a marriage can naturally wax and wane.

Here are seven ways to welcome it back to the heart of your relationship.

Posted in Love, Marriage, and Relationships

How to Handle Distracting Technology at Home

March 01, 2018

You are now competing with pixels for the attention of nearly everyone you know. And you are probably losing.  

Technology addiction, screen time, the black hole of the internet, Reddit and the endless scroll of Instagram—not to mention those notifications every time an email slides in...the widespread influence of tech is a thing of daily life for most American families. There are more ways for screens to suck people in than there are people to be enticed.

The other day, my dog got so caught up in a Game of Thrones episode that she wouldn’t come when I called (there were wolves on the [...]

Posted in Love, Marriage, and Relationships, Brain Fitness, Mindfulness and Perspective

Transform Criticism to Appreciation and Triple Your Love!

January 02, 2018

It’s common to hear couples complain about different behaviors of their partners while wishing their life could be happier. Somehow, we think that if our partner changed, we would be happier. Or we think, “If my partner would stop annoying me or start appreciating me, or be more intimate with me, our relationship would improve.”

Posted in Love, Marriage, and Relationships