Have you ever gotten into an argument with your partner, and after you cooled down, you can’t even remember how it was sparked?

Everyone has a unique perspective, so we’re bound to disagree sometimes. However, if disagreements become fights that harm the relationship, our remarks made while upset can fuel future hurt. When it comes to love and marriage, there are a few sacred rules of engagement. If you honor these, you’re halfway to a great relationship. If not, breaking these guidelines will divide you, rewound your partner, and diminish your love.

“Why does a woman work ten years to change a man, then complain he’s not the man she married?” ~Barbra Streisand

I see it all the time; couples stuck in a rut of marital conflict and stress where small issues become giant hurdles, and their love gets buried. Love sure can be inconvenient, but empathy can dramatically help. Empathy will strengthen your closeness and bond so you feel rich in love, and you’ll be able to handle nearly every challenge that comes your way.

A few weeks ago, I made a quick stop at the grocery store that turned into a lesson in love. While scanning the grocery cooler for a Greek yogurt I like, an older gentleman noticed my futile search. He was stocking the dairy aisle and inquired what I was looking for. He pointed me in the right direction; I had totally missed my favorite brand because of a new packaging design. It’s called change blindness, a cognitive phenomenon where we’re unable to detect small or large visual changes due to familiarity.

Anyway, we struck up a conversation. (My husband learned long ago that there are no [...]

I swung into the grocery store on my way home the other night to grab a box of My/Mo Mochi ice cream. As I reached the freezer section, I stopped as if frozen myself. My eyes gazed down the long aisle with hundreds of choices of frozen desserts: dozens of flavors and brands in every imaginable size and shape. Wow, how common prolific choices have become in stores and in our lives!

We live in a culture of instant gratification and continual titillation of our senses. Every moment confronts us with zillions of choices for eating, drinking, working, recreating, and traveling. Let's take the [...]

I tentatively climbed the stairs of the high diving board, trying to build up my courage with each ascending step. As I reached the top, I positioned myself perfectly to begin my approach—but then my body froze with fear. My challenge: 1½ somersaults with two twists, my first time, as a freshman in high school from the high diving board. My stomach was churning like a lawnmower blade devouring tall grass. However, my fear did not win me any sympathy. My diving coach, an Olympic diver himself, would only say, "Here's a quarter. Go call someone who cares."

As I was driving on the interstate a while back, I passed a truck with the license plate EZ2LOVE. My mind tossed this little saying around for quite some time. In my line of work, I think about love quite a bit (don't we all?), but "easy" and "love" aren't words I usually hear my clients use in the same sentence. I wondered why the driver had posted this little saying for all to see. And what did it mean? Was it a statement that he or she is easy to love? Was it a general statement that love is easy? Although the latest studies show a lowering of the divorce rate, particularly with the M [...]

It’s common to have unrealistic and romantic ideas about love, relationships, and marriage. We grow up with a solid diet of fairytales and love stories. Nobody tells you how much work it is to love someone full-time, 24-7, seven days a week—really love someone.

After the honeymoon wears off, it hits you—sometimes gradually, other times suddenly like a ton of bricks. You’re living day-to-day with the quirks of your partner and juggling all the pressures of life and work. Then, one day, you have this pit in our stomach and dare to wonder if you married the wrong person. Relationship [...]

One of the most common and precarious habits that I observe in couples and even long-term marriages is the popular behavior of telling your partner what they want to hear rather than what you need, want, think and feel. When we go along with our partner rather than engage on a real and authentic level, it builds a marriage with unsteady stilts that can topple at any time.

Pleasing, people pleasers and compliance are prevalent. So why is this habit so pervasive?

Did you know that nature creates no waste? Last summer, I had to remind myself of this fact when I came across a magpie greedily devouring a carcase while on a walk.

Think about the magnitude of the concept of "no waste" for a moment. Profound isn't it? Even mind boggling.

It turns out that health for an ecosystem, including our relationship with ourselves,  boils down to a few age-old principles. If we're going to create and keep anything healthy, we have to take care of it!

As I ponder this past year and look forward to new beginnings, one thing is top of mind: my relationships. A ritual I never miss at the beginning of each new year is taking stock of how well I have loved those most important to me the year before. One of the most precious people in my life, as you might guess, is my husband of nearly 40 years. Reflecting on what has supported our happiness and success, there are a few things that stand out, which occurred to me might be helpful to others.

Over the years, I’ve worked with scores of struggling couples. When I ask them if they reserve time [...]