Becoming a parent is a life-changing and joyous experience, but it also comes with its fair share of challenges. With the arrival of a new baby, sleepless nights, diaper changes, and endless feeding schedules are demanding, so it’s easy for couples to find themselves drifting apart.
Studies show that mothers experience a sudden decline in relationship satisfaction after the birth of their first child, whereas dads experience a more gradual decline between months 6 to 14.
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Key Takeaways
- Meaningful conversations with our partner as parents are critical.
- When our family lives are hectic, we need to be intentional in connecting as a couple.
- Your relationship is the foundation of your family—keep it strong!
- Being intentional makes the difference!
- Healthy communication is a valuable model for children.
The relationship that once thrived on deep conversations and shared interests can quickly become secondary to the demands of a new baby.
However, keeping the partnership alive and thriving as parents is not only possible but crucial—and it starts with having better and more honest conversations.
The Impact of Parenthood on Relationships
Parenthood changes everything.
The impact of being a parent and its effects on a relationship cannot be underestimated.
Suddenly, the dynamics of the relationship shift and the focus moves from partnership to co-parenting. This transition, while natural, can sometimes cause partners to lose touch with each other emotionally. The exhaustion, stress, and new responsibilities can make finding the time or energy for meaningful conversations difficult. Yet, these conversations are more important than ever.
Why?
Because, like it or not, that partnership has now changed forever.
It’s not just the two of you. You’re a bigger family; that in itself changes the roles and the expectations of each other.
But so often, we don’t talk about how those changes affect us.
Without regular, open, and honest communication, small misunderstandings or misalignments can grow into larger conflicts. The sense of partnership that once defined the relationship can start to fade, leading to feelings of isolation and resentment.
Parenthood is demanding.
With an infant or expanding family, our time, attention, and energy are devoured. These continual demands are why dads and moms need to prioritize their relationship conversations and keep the lines of communication open.
Understanding the Need for Better Conversations
One of the biggest challenges new parents face is finding the time to connect. Babies demand a lot of attention; by the end of the day, both parents are often too exhausted to engage in meaningful conversations.
For dads, in particular, this is a significant challenge because men can find it more difficult to be genuinely open and vulnerable.
Being intentional makes the difference. This crucial need for meaningful connection is precisely why we created our guide on rebuilding trust in a relationship with thirty-three ways to reconnect.
For example, my wife and I fell into a cycle where our relationship (and general well-being) would decline. We’d have a conversation to reset, go again until things started declining, and repeat.
We were reactive to issues rather than proactive in tackling them early (or preventing them in the first place). We’ve made a conscious effort to spend more quality time together in recent months, which has helped us have more ongoing conversations about our lives, parenting and our relationship.
As a couple, we never used to talk about our relationship unless there was something wrong. But now it's a regular part of our time together.
Communication in Marriage and Relationship: Practical Tips for Better Conversations
So, how can dads and moms keep their partnership alive through better conversations? Here are some practical tips we’ve learned after working with hundreds of dads over the last few years:
Make Time for Each Other
It might seem obvious, but this is harder than it sounds. Setting aside even 10-15 minutes once a month (weekly if possible) for a very focused conversation about each other can—and will—make a significant difference.
This commitment doesn’t have to be a grand gesture; it can be as simple as a night-based check-in before bed or during the baby’s nap time.
The key is to be intentional about time together and use it to connect, even if it’s just to talk about how each other is feeling and how you can better support each other.
Listen Actively to Each Other
Effective communication isn’t just about talking; it’s also about listening. Just like parents mirror the movements and expressions of an infant, we need to give our partner the same undivided attention.
When your partner is talking, it’s also about listening. When your partner is talking, consciously and deliberately listen without interrupting. Show empathy and understanding, even if you don’t always agree. This attentiveness helps not only resolve conflicts more quickly but also builds trust.
Share Your Feelings (and Your Goals)
Parenthood often brings a rollercoaster of emotions; sharing these with your partner is vital. Whether it’s joy, frustration, or fear, being open about your feelings helps build a deeper emotional connection. But it shouldn’t just be about your feelings, but also each other’s goals. What are you both working on as a team and as individuals that will affect your parenting? And where is the work-life-relationship-family balance?
Discuss Your Parenting Approach
Depending on the discussion regarding your parenting styles, use this time as an opportunity to have meaningful discussions. Talk about your values and your hopes for your child in the short, medium, and long term.
Discuss how you can best support each other in this new journey. These conversations strengthen your partnership and ensure that you’re on the same page as co-parents, too.
Be Appreciative
In the hustle and bustle of daily life, it’s easy to take each other for granted. Make it a point to express appreciation for the big and small things your partner does. A simple “thank you” can go a long way in making your partner feel valued and loved.
Related reading: "The Science of Gratitude."
The Long-Term Benefits of Better Conversations
It’s incredible how few of us have conscious conversations about how parenting affects us after becoming parents, but we must.
Investing in your relationship as parents through better conversations has long-term benefits. It helps to maintain a strong emotional connection, which is the foundation of a healthy relationship. When parents have a strong partnership, they are better equipped to handle the challenges of parenthood, creating a more stable and loving environment for the child.
An added bonus: by modeling healthy communication with empathy, you’re teaching your child an invaluable life skill. Children learn by observing, and when they see their parents communicating openly and respectfully, they are more likely to develop these skills.
Conclusion
Becoming parents is a beautiful journey, and it requires a strong partnership.
Dads and moms need to make a conscious effort to keep their relationship alive and thriving. A healthy and happy relationship starts with better and more intentional conversations about how the parenting journey has affected our partnership journey.
By making time for each other, listening actively, sharing feelings, and expressing appreciation, parents can maintain a strong connection and create a loving environment for their family.
Remember, your relationship as partners is the foundation of your family—nurture it with the same care and attention that you give to your role as parents.
Contact us at Heartmanity if you'd like support in your relationship or parenting. We're here to help! Transforming relationships IS our business.
