Heartmanity's Blog

“Don’t aim at success. The more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it. For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue, and it only does so as the unintended side effect of one’s personal dedication to a cause greater.” — Viktor Frankl

We often pursue our goals with a lot of focus on the perceived destination. Viktor Frankl is elegantly sharing that it is healthier for us to focus on being present-minded while also organically exploring our values and what motivates us internally. Of course, having goals and something to aim at is very healthy [...]

I procrastinated writing this article. The irony runs deep. Even after I completed my research and could begin, I still put it off. You would think the topic alone would be enough to light a fire under my fingers, not wanting to be my own example of what not to do, but no, just the opposite, which ironically is the nature of procrastination. Let’s dig in.

Being able to step back and evaluate your emotions and reactions while regulating your responses are signs of emotional intelligence in a leader. The capacity to recognize and effectively manage personal emotions in ourselves and others are all critical abilities in business and leadership. However, emotional intelligence skills are generally not taught when gaining degrees for the business world, such as architecture school. Emotional intelligence (or EQ for Emotional Quotient) can be learned, though, which my husband found out as a business owner.

When my son was around nine, I moved in with my current husband. His two kids were with us two days a week and every other weekend. My son, who was living with his dad, was with us on the corresponding weekends. He loved his stepbrother dearly; they were instant and close friends from the start.

I still don't know what prompted it, but one day they got into an altercation, and my son stomped on his stepbrother’s neck. I was in shock and disbelief. My emotions raged, every cell on high alert. Once I knew my stepson was ok, I swept my son outside and around the block for a walk. Again, I was [...]

With many families, unfortunately, a lack of boundaries is the norm. In many cases, these types of families are idealized as “tight-knit” in television shows and movies. But an overbearing mother insinuating that it’s time to provide her with grandchildren, or a sibling who wants to spend all your free time together (and gets upset when you go out with friends), can be more than characters on-screen. For many people, it is their reality, and disrespected boundaries strain relationships.

All familial relationships can be challenging at times, but a lack of boundaries can make them even [...]

Years ago, when a friend and I would meet for lunch, somehow, it always turned into a meal of complaints or a conversation orbiting around the critique of others. I’d walk away from the luncheon splattered with the emotional mud of gossip, feeling disappointed and reticent to get together in the future. It could be months before we got together again, partly because of the heavy feeling in my heart.

However, I ached for relationships that challenged me to be my best self and held me accountable to be kind and loving. To create trustworthy relationships that were strong enough to handle [...]

How many of you grew up encouraged to freely express your emotions when you were a child? What happened when you got angry? Or sad? Growing up in a family where the whole spectrum of emotions was accepted, encouraged, and explored is rare, yet it’s one way that children develop emotional intelligence. Most of us grew up with a double standard where it wasn’t okay for us to express our challenging emotions, yet our parents sometimes reacted out of tiredness or stress.

Do you remember seeing your mother cry when you were young? I do. I remember asking my mom what was wrong as she [...]

A client asked me recently, “What’s wrong with pleasing people? Isn’t it kind to please others?” This question inspired me to write about the topic from a new perspective. After all, there is a lot written about the dark side of being a people-pleaser and how habitually pleasing others can deplete personal power and destroy relationships. If you’re a people-pleaser, this can be disheartening.

Luckily, there’s also a light side to being a people-pleaser, one which can help provide a happy life with great fulfillment. In fact, once people-pleasers discover how to stop giving themselves up [...]

Whether you’ve been with your partner for six months or married for ten years, poor boundaries create dependency and unhappy couples. If you want to develop a healthy and happy relationship, you must each have healthy personal boundaries.

Often, we consider boundaries to be something that pushes people away, or we’re afraid that the other person will react negatively or feel hurt. However, healthy boundaries in relationships are a prerequisite to happiness. They define us and what is essential in our lives. Without them, there is too much room for drama. Boundaries help to create a  [...]