Heartmanity's Blog

A client asked me recently, “What’s wrong with pleasing people? Isn’t it kind to please others?” This question inspired me to write about the topic from a new perspective. After all, there is a lot written about the dark side of being a people-pleaser and how habitually pleasing others can deplete personal power and destroy relationships. If you’re a people-pleaser, this can be disheartening.

Luckily, there’s also a light side to being a people-pleaser, one which can help provide a happy life with great fulfillment. In fact, once people-pleasers discover how to stop giving themselves up [...]

Whether you’ve been with your partner for six months or married for ten years, poor boundaries create dependency and unhappy couples. If you want to develop a healthy and happy relationship, you must each have healthy personal boundaries.

Often, we consider boundaries to be something that pushes people away, or we’re afraid that the other person will react negatively or feel hurt. However, healthy boundaries in relationships are a prerequisite to happiness. They define us and what is essential in our lives. Without them, there is too much room for drama. Boundaries help to create a  [...]

2020 has (finally) concluded—and it's been a doozy, hasn't it? We may not have been able to control the unexpected events of COVID, but hopefully, you were still able to achieve some of the goals you set for yourself at the beginning of last year.

As the new year is in its infancy, people naturally think about goal setting. Setting and writing down goals with a plan to achieve them has been shown to increase the likelihood of their attainment. Historically, the most popular New Year's resolutions have had to do with exercise and dieting. But instead of only improving your physical fitness [...]

When my husband and I got together, children were brought into my life for the first time. Once married, the adjustment to living and interacting with two children was a steep learning curve for me. Navigating daily life together, communicating between households, and adapting to different routines all required constant adjustment, and still does nearly four years later. It was evident very quickly that boundaries were necessary for our blended family dynamic. Healthy boundaries shaped the development of my marriage, my interactions with the children, and our relationship with the [...]

“Gotta pick up the kids from school.” “Gotta get this report done by tomorrow.” “Gotta shop for dinner.” “Gotta pay the bills!” “Gotta get to the gym and lose this extra weight.” Gotta, gotta, gotta.

A lack of work-life balance and the need to get somewhere are themes I hear frequently. We are seekers. And personal transformation is high on the list for many. Yet, we are often unaware that we are reaching for something, even if it's self-growth. While ignoring what is happening right now within ourselves and around us, the present moment evades us.

Resilience is defined as the capacity to recover quickly from hardship or difficulties. We've all known difficulties. However, it is how we respond to what happens to us that determines how we greet the future. It is what we make our experiences mean that influence our lives. It's our response to adversity, not the experience itself, that determines how our life story evolves.

Without resiliency, life's hardships weigh us down, and we become an unbending tree that breaks off in the high winds of a storm.

Most people think when they please someone, their action is kind. Yes, their action may impact others positively. It feels good for a person to do things for us, to help us out in a time of need, to volunteer on a committee, or watch our kids for a couple of hours. However, if this act of supposed kindness is wrong or even hurtful to the giver, it’s not kindness. It’s people-pleasing. People-pleasing is a habit that undermines authentic connection in relationships and cuts the pleaser off from their true self, limiting individual potential. Each of us needs to set boundaries to be at our [...]

We are all too familiar with the blame game. When we’re upset or exasperated in life, blaming our spouse, child, friend, or boss is an easy route to relief. You know the drill: “If you wouldn’t procrastinate fixing things around the house, then I wouldn’t nag.” Or if you weren’t so sensitive, we could discuss things calmer.” And sometimes a person moves to name-calling: “You’re so frustrating or selfish or hurtful or ….” In the moment, we feel a release of pent-up energy and uncomfortable emotions. But the thing is, I’ve never heard anyone say they enjoy being blamed or that they liked [...]

Is the concept of minimalism a limiting framework? To me, minimalism appeared simply to be the denial of our desires. Since our brains are built on the premise of more, better, and always transcending yesterday, the concept seemed like a trendy girdle to hold back the grand expressions of self-expression. At the very least, I viewed a minimalist life as boring because of my love affair with abundance, flow, variety, and beauty.