We’ve all been there—a conversation takes a turn, a text is misunderstood, or a loved one reacts with frustration—and we’re left wondering, “What just happened?”
However, good communication doesn’t just happen. It’s not about personality or a lucky fluke. It’s a set of intentional choices, practiced habits, and emotional awareness that we bring to our relationships—day in and day out.
Estimated reading time: 5 minutes
Whether you're trying to connect more deeply with your spouse, navigate conflict with your teenager, or communicate more effectively at work, it starts with understanding what gets in the way of good communication. And most of the time, the breakdowns are subtle—but they create big ripples.
Here are five common communication challenges and how to shift into more intentional, effective interactions.
Communication Mistakes and New Practices that Will Transform Your Communication!
One of the areas I spend the most time in coaching is communication. It doesn't matter if it's a couple, a business leader, or a parent; how we communicate matters. How we communicate and the timing we choose makes a HUGE difference in our outcomes and the quality of our relationships.
Below are five common challenges, mistakes, and what to do instead.
Good Communication Begins When Assumptions End
The Challenge:
We all live in our own private realities. It’s so easy to forget that another’s experiences, thoughts, emotions, and values differ from our own. So, a common mistake is to assume that we know what someone else is thinking or feeling. These assumptions often lead us down the wrong path before an authentic conversation has time to unfold.
Common Miscommunication:
Your partner returns home after work and you’re hoping for help with dinner, but you say nothing. You’re quiet, just hoping they’ll chip in. After all, you worked all day, too. Instead, they start venting about their day and the problems at work and then check out while scrolling through social media. You’re hurt. Yet, you never expressed how you felt or what you wanted.
What to do instead:
Be curious, not conclusive.
Ask clarifying questions: “Hey, I noticed you seem a little off—want to talk?” or “I’m unsure if I’m reading this right. Can I run something by you?”
Good communication creates clarity and understanding.
Listening Isn’t Waiting to Talk—It’s Being Present
The Challenge:
We think we’re listening—but we’re often planning our response, waiting to speak, or filtering through our own emotions.
Common Miscommunication:
A team member at work shares a concern about their manager, and you nod politely. You’re busy formulating your reply, so you completely misunderstand what they were communicating, and they feel dismissed.
Every week, I observe people interrupt a friend or their spouse mid-story because they THINK they know what is going to be said next.
What to do instead:
Practice active listening. Reflect on what you hear: “It sounds like you’re feeling overwhelmed—is that right?” Stay with their story before jumping in with yours. Good communication starts with full attention.
Mixed Messages = Muddled Communication
The Challenge:
Our words say one thing, but our tone or body language says something different. Many times, this incongruence leads to confusion, tension, or even hurt feelings.
Common Miscommunication:
You tell your spouse, “It’s fine; go out with your friends and have fun,” but your tone is a tad icy. Underneath that supportive comment, you’re feeling resentful for staying home with the kids—again! They go out with their friends, taking you at your word. Later, when your partner gets home, they get shoulded on!
- “You should have known I was overwhelmed!”
- “You should have picked up on my feelings.”
- “You should have known I needed a break.”
- “You should have offered me a night off.”
- “You should have not made your needs more important than mine.”
No one is a mind reader. Our needs are our responsibility to communicate. And a part of communication is first understanding what we are feeling and regulating ourselves to give accurate responses.
What to do instead:
Align your words, emotions, tone, and body language. If you’re torn, say so. Using the situation above, you might say, “A part of me really wants to say yes because you deserve it! I also feel resentful that you’re leaving me on my own with the kids when you worked all last weekend. And yet another part of me wishes I could go out with friends.”
Good communication is honest. Honest and transparent communication enables increased understanding and informed choices while eliminating blowback later.
Emotional Reactions Short Circuit Intentional Communication
The Challenge:
When we feel triggered, flooded, or emotionally hijacked, we tend to react instead of respond—with harsh words and emotional outbursts we often regret.
Common Miscommunication:
Your boss gives you friendly and constructive feedback, but you instantly get defensive. You interrupt them with explanations and reasons why you did what you did. Hours later, you realize their intention wasn’t criticism—it was actually encouragement and true.
What to do instead:
Pause before responding. If you feel disconcerted and triggered, say: “Let me consider your input and get back to you.” Or simply take a deep breath and self-soothe, remembering your recent bonus for work well done.
The space between stimulus and response is where intentional communication lives. Pausing carves a powerful opportunity.
One-Size Communication Doesn’t Fit All
The Challenge:
We tend to communicate the way we prefer—forgetting that others may need something different to feel supported or for connection.
Common Miscommunication:
You text your partner a long explanation, and they reply with “Ok.” You feel unheard and disregarded.
A client once laughed, “I thought I was being helpful and thorough. My husband was overwhelmed and felt like I was talking down to him.” These mismatches are more common than we realize.
What to do instead:
Pay attention so you can adapt to each unique person and relationship. How you talk to a friend of ten years is vastly different than a new acquaintance or to an upset teen.
Get curious about their preferences and offer choices: “Do you want the quick version or the details?” or “What’s most helpful right now—talking or space?”
Good communication centers on the goal of clarity with connection.
Here's a checklist to recap the information in a digestible form!
Good Communication Is Built, Not Blurted
Good communication doesn’t mean saying the right thing perfectly every time. However, it does require us to slow down, turn off the cruise control, and truly listen—not just to the words but also to the underlying emotions, intentions, and unspoken body language.
Get curious. Listen with your full attention. When there is a misunderstanding, own your part and seek to discover what went awry.
Intentionality—choosing to connect instead of correct; to understand instead of assume, fix, or react.
Each conversation is an opportunity for connection and understanding.
When you open your mouth to speak, will your words bring you closer or create distance in the relationship?
Will your energy and intention open up clarity or create confusion and misunderstanding?
Even if miscommunication occurs (and it will), we always have the opportunity to repair it. The more we practice intentional communication, the more resilient and connected our relationships become.
So, next time you find yourself in a sticky moment, remember: good communication isn’t an accident—it’s a choice. And it starts with you.
Thriving relationships don’t just happen—they’re built one intentional conversation at a time.
Do you want to strengthen your communication skills?
Explore Heartmanity’s coaching programs to discover key strategies for authentic and effective connection.
