Heartmanity's Blog

When my son was around nine, I moved in with my current husband. His two kids were with us two days a week and every other weekend. My son, who was living with his dad, was with us on the corresponding weekends. He loved his stepbrother dearly; they were instant and close friends from the start.

I still don't know what prompted it, but one day they got into an altercation, and my son stomped on his stepbrother’s neck. I was in shock and disbelief. My emotions raged, every cell on high alert. Once I knew my stepson was ok, I swept my son outside and around the block for a walk. Again, I was [...]

People-pleasing behavior is fraught with many emotional land mines: resentment, exhaustion, losing touch with our needs, seeking to be liked while giving up our desires and dreams, repressing emotions, and the impossible task of keeping everyone happy (to name just a few). Every parent I’ve worked with who identifies themselves as people-pleasers asks, “what can I do to ensure that my child doesn’t become a people pleaser like me?” I’ve never met any parent who aspires to raise compliant pleasers.

Radical acceptance is a practice defined and developed by American Psychologist Marsha Linehan, the world-renowned creator of dialectical behavior therapy (DBT). Influenced by Buddhism, the practice of radical acceptance advocates the belief that the reality outside of our control must be accepted rather than fought against. It posits that fighting against yourself or your current situation can result in deep, emotional suffering, even greater than the situation that caused it.

With many families, unfortunately, a lack of boundaries is the norm. In many cases, these types of families are idealized as “tight-knit” in television shows and movies. But an overbearing mother insinuating that it’s time to provide her with grandchildren, or a sibling who wants to spend all your free time together (and gets upset when you go out with friends), can be more than characters on-screen. For many people, it is their reality, and disrespected boundaries strain relationships.

All familial relationships can be challenging at times, but a lack of boundaries can make them even [...]

When the COVID-19 outbreak hit last year, we used several ways to handle stress during this challenging time. Many found music to be their best friend while trying to deal with stressful thoughts and circumstances.

People have written music to poke fun at, as well as, promote social distancing, handwashing, and mask-wearing. During the pandemic and the required isolation, music was a go-to for many people, listening to it in their homes on a substantially larger scale and even learning to play instruments.

Does your partner ever accuse you of flirting with others when there is no evidence to support it? Or go along with anything you say, only to resent you for it later? Or are you avoiding necessary but difficult conversations with each other?

If your marriage feels full of drama, incidents like these may be common. Still, you and your partner can learn to create a drama-free marriage by improving your communication with emotional intelligence skills. Often, small keys have tremendous leverage.

We’ve all said it. Children grow up so fast.

In the blink of an eye, your little one is getting their driver's license or heading off to college. That’s why documenting your baby’s firsts is so important. And trust me! After your first baby, it gets harder to record milestone markers because you're so busy raising them! You'll want to remember those precious moments when you’re coping with teenage mood swings and piles of dirty socks!

From opening their eyes for the first time, smiling and giggling, to crawling and taking those unsteady first steps, there are plenty of milestones your [...]

Having taught parenting classes for over 20 years and coached scores of children, parents, and families for just as long, I’ve heard many stories from parents riddled with guilt and worry. Parenting is hard enough without feeling doubt and judging ourselves. The one question that is asked more times than you can imagine is “Am I a bad mom?” or “Am I a bad dad?”

There are many versions of this concern, and it isn’t reserved for any particular developmental stage or parental season. At one time or another, every parent questions whether they are up for the job! And when doubt creeps in, it [...]

Emotional intelligence is my specialty, but it wasn’t always. As a young adult, I was angry all the time. Every day I had frequent meltdowns—yes, way too emotional with no ability to regulate my emotions. I felt continually jerked around by life’s challenges and other people’s expectations of me. As a teen, I was severely depressed; even when I was functional, anxiety and a brutal inner critic were my constant companions. Learning emotional intelligence changed everything for me. It gave me the tools and the encouragement that I needed to heal and create inner peace. It’s why I am so [...]

Years ago, when a friend and I would meet for lunch, somehow, it always turned into a meal of complaints or a conversation orbiting around the critique of others. I’d walk away from the luncheon splattered with the emotional mud of gossip, feeling disappointed and reticent to get together in the future. It could be months before we got together again, partly because of the heavy feeling in my heart.

However, I ached for relationships that challenged me to be my best self and held me accountable to be kind and loving. To create trustworthy relationships that were strong enough to handle [...]