Heartmanity's Blog

Whether you are aware of it or not, unmanaged emotions often hijack your energy and behavior, causing a distorted view of life's experiences. And our knee-jerk reactions rarely give us good results. Understanding what's happening in our brains can pave the way for calmer responses. The limbic brain (sometimes considered the emotional brain) and the brain stem, (called the survival brain), can quickly override rational thinking. Logic goes out the window instantly when we are feeling threatened emotionally.

Emotional regulation is crucial for today's unrest and ongoing challenges. Learning [...]

Note: In this post, when we talk about "safety," we're referring to emotional safety. If someone's anger makes you feel physically unsafe, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.

What do you do when someone takes their anger out on you? How do you handle angry people? And why do people get angry in the first place?

It's natural to have lots of questions when faced with anger, but often what we're searching for isn't answers—it's safety. Anger threatens our sense of emotional security, leaving us feeling uncertain about our relationships with others.

A pervasive pattern has quietly invaded our culture—people-pleasing. Compliance and pleasing are woven into the very fabric of etiquette and social norms. Children quickly discover that pleasing their caregivers and keeping them happy pays off and prevents unpleasant consequences. Children need to be loved and cared for to survive; their basic needs drive them to acquiesce in thousands of ways. Adults are bigger, faster, smarter, and stronger, so it’s often futile to go against the grain. This behavior is natural for children dependent on adults, yet, when this habit persists into [...]

Overcoming is an oxymoron. We are in charge of our lives, so when we say we want to overcome a bad habit, we’re actually saying that we are giving our power to something that we don’t approve of. We can’t “overcome” ourselves. Real and lasting change comes from self-love and acceptance.

So why do we keep doing things that we know are detrimental to our health? For example, a sugar addiction, lack of exercise, or working too much. Why do we keep NOT doing things we know would be good for our health and happiness: eating healthy foods, running, meditation, saving money, etc.? The same holds [...]

Do you know what motivates you? Does it ever seem like some people are more motivated than others? And what's the difference between intrinsic and extrinsic motivation anyway? 

Whether you're trying to motivate yourself to write a term paper, to lose weight, or you're an employer endeavoring to motivate an employee, it's critical knowing what turns on the green light in the brain. And motivation is unique depending on temperament, values, past experience, and goals.

There is no denying that the Coronavirus at our doorstep has disrupted our lives, and many are feeling powerless. When considering how I could best support people, I decided to offer practical tools to help ground you into a sense of well-being despite this stressful time. These tips and skills can assist you in dealing effectively with uncertainty, negative thoughts, and the uncomfortable emotions of worry, anxiety, and fear.

Have you ever been in a situation where another person's behavior really set you off? Perhaps your co-worker took credit for one of your ideas, or your spouse talked over you and quickly dismissed your feelings, or maybe a good friend betrayed your confidence. You can’t contain your emotional reaction and feel justified in lashing out because of what someone else did.

Life appears to happen to us. It’s easy to feel like our quality of life is determined by things out of our control. But what if that's not true? What if the things that happen to us, and how we react to them, are simply a [...]

Have you ever had a friend or co-worker fill the air with complaints? Do you catch yourself complaining too much? Or has negative thinking become a bad habit?

Life can feel like we're scrambling to escape an avalanche of demands and a series of endless to-do lists. And when we're stressed, it's easy to find fault or pinpoint what's wrong, but if we get in the habit of complaining, it starts to create a dark cloud around us and our lives. And did you know that complaints wire our brains to favor negativity and negative self-talk, which then increases the likelihood of more of the same?

When my son was only two, he and I had just picked up a vanilla sponge cake from the bakery, a special order for a friend’s surprise birthday party. I carefully tucked the square white box on the floor between the two front seats of our family minivan. Parking in our driveway, I unhooked the quick-release on my son’s car seat so he could climb down, and I got out of the van to help him out.

Opening the sliding door, I was shocked to find him sitting proudly on the cake box with a big grin on his face. With his adorable toddler sweetness, he squealed, “It’s a perfect size seat for me, Mom!” [...]

When you wake up in the morning, is your mind racing? Do you fret about what other people think of you? Do you feel anxious, no matter how hard you try to stay calm?

Are you impatient with your impatience?

Luckily, the idea that you should always feel a sense of well-being and inner peace is a misconception. Life happens. Your spouse works late. Children get sick. You get a flat tire on your way to work. A friend hurts your feelings. You lose a pet or a loved one.

Feeling peaceful or having emotional well being has nothing to do with what happens to us; it’s about learning the art of [...]