If you've spent years bottling up emotions, you may not know how to change. Opening to our feelings can feel overwhelming, even scary, if we have been pushing them down for a long time. We don't know what will happen if we remove the cork.
We might be afraid that if they are unleashed, they'll singe everything in their path, so it's safer to stuff them. Regardless of WHY you've bottled 'em up, know that you can learn to regulate your emotions for a happier and more balanced life.
Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
Heartmanity is proud to partner with outstanding companies that we wholeheartedly recommend. You can read our full disclosure here.
One of the reasons I used to stuff my emotions was the complete absence of a healthy role model growing up. In an alcoholic, violent home, there were only two buttons: OFF (stuff) and anger.
So after being hurt by anger's blowtorch repeatedly, I believed I was protecting others by bottling my emotions. And I was really good at it.
However, it was like my brain was under water; there was a muffling and hollowness to my life, like when you try to talk under water.
Here's what I discovered: As we stuff our emotions, there is less and less room for living.
Why Stuffing Our Emotions Is Unhealthy
Pent-up emotions are unhealthy because stuffing goes against our natural need to process and express feelings. Our internal systems are there to safeguard our welfare. When we suppress emotions, we create considerable pressure that can lead to various physical, mental, emotional, and social problems.
Our emotions serve as important signals about our experiences and needs, and ignoring them prevent us from addressing underlying issues or making necessary changes in our lives.
Five Consequences of Bottling Up Emotions
Below are some common problems resulting from continually stuffing our emotions:
Stifled joy!
One of the biggest consequences that I've personally experienced and many of my coaching clients have observed is the suffocation of joy. You can't subdue negative emotions and past pain without simultaneously limiting positive emotions.
Joy is one of the greatest motors of life. It surpasses its close cousin happiness and fills us with a serenity that lingers. It's a contagion like no other. Most people don't even realize what they're missing out on until JOY returns.
Heightened stress levels and increased health issues.
What happens to a body of water that lacks flow; it stagnates doesn't it? That's true with our emotional flow, too.
Our energy shuts down and stagnates. Our desires are muzzled. And suppressing emotions requires constant mental exertion, which depletes our energy and adds to our stress load. I describe this attempt as holding multiple beach balls under water; eventually, they pop up when we lose our focus or are exhausted.
Our bodies were not intended to stay in a high alert state for long periods of time. Chronic stress leads to burnout, decreased productivity, and a decline in our well-being.
When we've bottled up emotions for a long time, it's like our emotional regulation system is off-line. In a sense, our brains are out of order.
Often, unprocessed emotions and pain seeking resolution lead to depression, disrupted sleep patterns, causing insomnia or restless sleep, or racing thoughts, greater anxiety, and our brains on overdrive.
We disrupt the body's stress response system, affecting immune regulation and gut function (a second brain). Early symptoms include muscle aches, headaches, and stomachaches.
Impaired cognitive function and increased risk of mental health issues.
Suppressing emotions prevents healthy processing and can increase mental health concerns. There is a higher likelihood of developing anxiety, depression, and other mental health conditions.
These emotional blocks can also lead to avoidance of emotional pain through harmful behaviors, substance abuse, excessive eating, or other destructive behaviors.
Increased challenges in relationships.
One of the most critical roles of emotions is helping us relate to and connect with each other. We are wired for relationships. This connection and bonding is important for healthy and loving relationships.
Bottling up our emotions in relationships can create barriers to authentic connection and communication. We can become people pleasers sacrificing our own needs that's detrimental to relationships. It can lead to a "pressure cooker" effect, resulting in unexpected emotional outbursts, exaggerated responses to minor triggers, and potential damage to our relationships.
Just like a pressure cooker that whistles, our emotional alarm sounds when we need to take action. If we don't, it results in a mess.
Related reading: "How to Handle Stress in Relationships."
Reduced emotional intelligence.
Consistently ignoring emotions hinders the development of emotional awareness, stifles emotional expression and maturity while limiting our ability to manage ourselves.
Pushing down emotions continually also inhibits our understanding and ability to understand and empathize with ourselves and others.
So for these reasons alone, hopefully, you're ready to venture into the sea of emotions.
Related reading: "Why Emotional Health Depends on the Mind-Body Connection."
Understanding Our Emotions and Their Purpose
Understanding and managing strong emotions can feel daunting and yet, also exhilarating, much like sailing for the first time.
Sometimes, emotions can hit us like a tidal wave, leaving us feeling flattened and exposed. We're often unsure of our next steps. We might freeze when it's vital to act, or lash out in anger.
But here's the exciting part—when we learn to channel these same emotions, they become a powerful source of strength and insight. An intelligent mix of vulnerability and empowerment keep us feeling safe, resilient and ready for action.
Emotions Are Vital INTEL for Our Well-Being
According to the National Library of Medicine, "the activation of emotional experiences contribute to neural networks mediating thoughts, language, and behavior, thus, enhancing the ability to predict, learn, and reappraise."
Why would we want to miss out on such vital information and processing?
Emotional Intelligence skills arm us with practical tools to distill our emotional wisdom. They help us to process and express feelings so they work FOR us not against us.
Any beginning sailor will tell you that they started with a small rig on calmer waters—close to shore. When they were just learning, they didn't take a 500-ft. sailing yacht out on the open sea with the possibility of storms.
No need to expose ourselves to what feels like too much, especially if we've been in the feeling-stuffer business for a long time.
Why We Avoid and Stuff Emotions
And that's the thing about big emotions: they can feel "life-threatening."
Why?
As children, feelings felt that way because our lives depended on adults and caregivers so when there was no one looking out for us, it WAS too much.
But, now, we're adults—or at least we're striving for adulting! 😆
Controlling and managing our emotions is doable.
Back to our sailing analogy.
There's a whole vernacular and gear to familiarize yourself with when learning to sail. Familiarizing yourself with the mechanics and how to control the sail to utilize the wind is vital.
And it's okay to start on dry land and begin small. The brain likes small and consistent to when learning a new skill.
It's perfectly fine to develop skills before going to open waters.
The more knowledge, skills, and experience we have, the more confident we are. The more we pay attention and learn how to control the moving waters within us, the more masterful we get.
Emotions are the wind in our sails so we better not shut them down. They motivate, protect, and supply crucial info to stay safe, act on our own behalf, and fulfill our dreams.
I started from scratch so I know how intimidating the inner turbulent seas can feel.
It might be a while before you consider your emotions trusted companions. especially if you've been bottling them up. With anything new, there's a learning curve.
Just remember, emotions are simply information being communicated to you. Our bodies alert us that something is happening inside us. Then, the mind deciphers the experience and assigns meaning to what the body is signaling so we can take appropriate action.
Pretty important, right?
If you divorce yourself from the emotional process by stuffing, you deny yourself crucial information.
Allow yourself to feel... and know that you can handle the discomfort.
Just begin—as slow or as fast as you want.... It's YOUR sailboat!
The ocean of emotion awaits you.
Steps for Recognizing and Naming Your Emotions
Emotional Intelligence isn't just about recognizing our feelings but also about regulating them. Emotional regulation is necessary to express feelings appropriately.
But let's not get ahead of ourselves.
Before you can process, regulate, or express emotions, you first need to IDENTIFY them.
The identification of emotions is called emotional literacy.
Just like learning a sailor's language, there are EQ basics and more advanced terms. Getting the lay of the land (or sea) is the foundation.
So, first step: self-compassion!
Be kind to yourself as you start allowing your emotions.
Give yourself permission to feel. Crack the door just a little to explore your feelings.
You've probably heard the term "emotions are energy in motion." That's one of the reasons bottling emotions is so unhealthy; it shuts down the movement intended to keep us healthy.
Second step: acknowledge your feelings. Practice recognizing emotions without judgment. There are NO bad or wrong feelings.
When you're able to say, "I feel anxious" or "I feel overwhelmed," or "I feel sad" you're taking the first step in managing those emotions effectively.
By the very act of naming your emotions, their intensity decreases. When they've gotten your attention and your emotions feel seen and heard, you're on your way to a new way of interacting with yourself! (Hint, hint: stuffing emotions actually intensifies them.)
Related reading: "How Plutchik's Wheel of Emotions Will Guide Your Emotional intelligence."
How to Release and Express Emotions in Healthy Ways
Managing intense emotions can be challenging, but it's crucial for maintaining emotional balance.
Strategies such as deep breathing, mindfulness, and even physical exercise can help regulate emotional highs and lows.
When faced with intense feelings, ask yourself, "What do I need right now?" This simple question will give you precisely what you need to catch your balance.
Sometimes, the answer might be a few moments of solitude; other times, it might involve seeking support from a trusted friend or loved, reminding us that we're not alone.
The path to emotional intelligence is ongoing.
It involves continually practicing self-awareness, empathy, and regulation over time, which builds emotional resilience, empowering us to face life's challenges with grace and flexibility.
Remember, every step taken towards understanding and managing your emotions is a step towards a more fulfilling life.
Deep dive: "What Is Emotional Intelligence?
Don't go it alone! Contact us today.
Give yourself the gift of emotional R&R and EQ skills. Your heart, mind, and soul will thank you for it.
