For many years, I was consumed by an inward emotional turbulence, continually feeling too emotional and off balance. Eventually, I started getting genuinely curious about why.
Turns out that my inability to regulate my emotions was the key culprit. Learning emotional intelligence was a path for me to build skills and create inner peace. By learning basic EQ skills, I could surf and calm the emotional waves, gain self-understanding, replace my unkind self-talk with compassion, and regain my motor of joy. You can, too!
Estimated reading time: 6 minutes
So, if you're saying to yourself, "I'm too emotional!" there IS a way to find your ground.
Or if you're feeling overwhelmed with the loud, crashing waves of conflicting emotions inside you, you've come to the right place!
Mastering emotions is something that will change your life for the positive!
What Does It Mean to Feel Emotional Turbulence?
You may be familiar with inner emotional turbulence, but let's define it so we're on the same page.
It refers to a state of intense inner conflict and turmoil within an individual's emotional landscape. A person may experience a whirlwind of fear, anxiety, anger, sadness, guilt, or frustration.
Each emotion might pull them in different directions, dramatically challenging equilibrium and inner peace. It's like a chaotic storm where conflicting emotions, thoughts, and desires clash and often compete to be heard. It's as if the person is trapped in a flurry of emotions, struggling to find stability and clarity amidst the internal static.
How to Deal with Turbulence and Anxiety
People experiencing emotionally turbulent circumstances find it difficult to process their emotions effectively, especially if they don't know how! This static often results in anxiety and a person being unable to act on their own behalf.
This state can result in a constant inner struggle, where the mind and heart seem at odds with each other. Consequently, decision-making often becomes challenging and paralyzes a person preventing vital decisions. Daily functioning can be impaired, affecting relationships, work, and overall well-being.
The experience can be profoundly distressing and exhausting, as individuals may feel isolated and unable to communicate the depth of their inner turmoil to others. When I was young, I tried to share with my friends, but they told me to "lighten up" so that was the last time.
I put on a happy face and pushed it all down for many years.
Related reading: "How Emotional Resilience Can Help You Cultivate
Happiness."
Successfully Dealing with Inward Emotional Turbulence
When it comes to emotions, the starting place for all emotional intelligence is emotional awareness or emotional literacy.
I knew nothing when I started on my personal growth journey about how to deal with my emotions. ZERO. Zip. Nada.
But now, joy and inner peace are my constant companions.
(Sound too good to be true? Or maybe an impossibility?) I get it. I never would have known it was possible either until I accomplished it.
So when you're struggling with a turbulent feeling, such as anger, fear, or shame from self-loathing, be encouraged that there is a path to the other side.
Most people don't understand or value negative emotions because they're unpleasant. They resist them and try to push them down and stuff their feelings.
I can still remember from years ago wanting NOT to feel, NOT be emotional, NOT be in emotional distress or have my husband tell me to shake my mood, but the harder I tried to shut my feelings down, the more emotional I got.
What Is Emotional Awareness?
Emotional awareness is a heightened observation and conscious recognition of a feeling within ourselves and others.
Being emotionally aware enhances interpersonal relationships and greatly contributes to personal growth and mental well-being. Gracefully navigating our emotional landscape can lead to better decision-making, reduced stress, and overall resilience.
In a world where EQ is increasingly recognized as being as vital as IQ, emotional awareness stands as its foundational pillar, guiding us toward a more authentic, connected, and fulfilling life.
As Psychologist John Gottman, Ph.D., said,
"In the last decade or so, science has discovered a tremendous amount about the role emotions play in our lives. Researchers have found that even more than IQ, your emotional awareness and abilities to handle feelings will determine your success and happiness in all walks of life, including family relationships."
Are you ready!?
Building a Different Relationship with Your Emotions
Learning to navigate strong emotions doesn't mean becoming less emotional. It means developing a different relationship with what you're experiencing.
For me, that began with awareness. Instead of immediately judging what I was feeling, pushing it down, or wishing I were different, I had to learn to notice what was actually happening inside me.
That awareness opened the door to another emotional intelligence skill: regulation. Emotional regulation isn't about suppressing feelings or forcing yourself to calm down. It's developing greater capacity to experience emotion without automatically being carried away by it.
Self-compassion matters here, too. When every difficult feeling is followed by What's wrong with me? Why am I so emotional? I shouldn't feel this way, we're dealing with the original emotion and the judgment we've piled on top of it.
That's a lot to carry.
A healthier relationship with emotions develops over time through awareness, practice, and learning how to respond to ourselves differently. For someone like me, who spent years wishing I weren't so emotional, that shift was profound.
I didn't need to become less feeling. I needed to become more skillful with what I felt.
And that's one of the reasons emotional intelligence has become such an important part of my life's work. There are several emotional intelligence capacities that can change how we relate to difficult emotions.
Emotional Intelligence Is Something We Practice
Intense emotions can be difficult to handle so be gentle with yourself.
Start small and be consistent.
Understanding your emotions is a beginning. Learning how to work with them in the moments when they're loud, conflicting, or uncomfortable takes practice.
That's part of what we're creating inside Heartmanity Community—a place for women who want to develop emotional intelligence and relationship skills in the context of real life. We go beyond talking about these ideas and create opportunities to explore them more deeply, practice new skills, and learn alongside other women who are doing the same.
You don't have to become less emotional to experience more inner steadiness. For me, the shift began when I stopped treating my emotional nature as something I needed to overcome and started learning how to work with it.
If you're ready to continue that kind of learning and practice, apply at mightysupport@heartmanity.com.
Frequently Asked Questions:
"How Do You Deal with Emotional Turbulence?"
Coping with inner emotional turbulence can be a daunting task. This cycle of our lives requires introspection, self-awareness, and building muscles in resilience.
Seeking support from friends, family, or professional help can be beneficial in navigating through this turbulent emotional state.
Engaging in activities that promote relaxation and creative hobbies that allow for self-expression freely, such as painting, pottery, and cooking will help. Also, journaling has been found to be extremely beneficial in processing emotions and finding emotional equilibrium.
Heartmanity specializes in emotional intelligence, so don't hesitate to reach out for support. Or join our Heartmanity Community to put knowledge into practice. Contact us at mightysupport@heartmanity.com.
