Heartmanity's Blog

Nowadays, children have easy access to screens and technology that can dominate their daily lives. But as convenient as it is to put your child in front of an Xbox, computer game, or TV, have you ever wondered how screens affect early child development?

Estimated reading time: 4 minutes

Whether you're dealing with toddler tantrums, a middle-schooler's meltdown, or the emotional darts of a teen, one thing is clear: it is up to adults to be stable figures for children to build emotional intelligence. But what are the essential ingredients to ensure that you cultivate emotional development and social intelligence?Many parents I talk to have the mistaken idea that they must be perfect parents to be good parents. The opposite is true.

Estimated reading time: 4 minutes

We love our kids! And all every parent wants if for their children to be happy and successful. Sometimes we unintentionally do the opposite of what cultivates healthy self-esteem. For example, there’s hardly a parent in the world who hasn’t said something like this to a child in a moment of exasperation: “Look at your brother—he jumps right on his homework after school! Why do I always have to nag you to get yours done?” “Your sister’s a whiz at math, but all you want to do is draw.” Or “Stop giving me attitude! Can’t you just be polite like your brother?”

Adult children of emotionally immature parents are often left feeling like they can't make it on their own or somehow that they're not enough. These same parents are often self-involved, and they give mixed messages to their children growing up about their lovability and individuality. Parents' emotional immaturity denies a child the deep sense of being felt and seen, which hinders a child's budding self-identity.

Estimated reading time: 9 minutes

Resilience is a hot topic, especially after the pandemic quarantines and subsequent unpredictability for children, teens, and adults alike. As a parent, we cannot control many things that happen in our children's lives socially or at school. However, we can empower our children by teaching them resiliency and emotional intelligence skills to help them respond effectively to life's curveballs and challenges.

Emotional fitness defends against the effects of stress like physical exercise creates healthy, toned muscles that prevent injury. Just like our muscles need stretching and exertion to [...]

When parents are emotionally immature, having a healthy relationship with them can be difficult. No matter how the adult child attempts to be heard or understood, often the parent is unable to truly empathize or connect on a meaningful level.

Below are seven symptoms that can indicate that you are a child of an emotionally immature parent. With each symptom, practical advice is given on how to be true to yourself while also being respectful to your parents.

Estimated reading time: 8 minutes

HAVE YOU EVER…

• wondered why everything is in its place at school when your house looks like a tornado just touched down?
• noticed how your child hangs up their jacket and puts their shoes neatly in their cubby at preschool but at home, they’re scattered everywhere?
• experienced your child melting down in a puddle of tears or going ballistic? And you don’t have a clue what just happened?

Previously, we talked about three hidden parenting mistakes that increase people-pleasing behavior in children and how to avoid those mistakes. Now, let’s explore steps to encourage our children’s self-reliance and help them learn to take care of themselves without sacrificing their well-being through people-pleasing.

People-pleasing behavior is fraught with many emotional land mines: resentment, exhaustion, losing touch with our needs, seeking to be liked while giving up our desires and dreams, repressing emotions, and the impossible task of keeping everyone happy (to name just a few). Every parent I’ve worked with who identifies themselves as people-pleasers asks, “what can I do to ensure that my child doesn’t become a people pleaser like me?” I’ve never met any parent who aspires to raise compliant pleasers.

Having taught parenting classes for over 20 years and coached scores of children, parents, and families for just as long, I’ve heard many stories from parents riddled with guilt and worry. Parenting is hard enough without feeling doubt and judging ourselves. The one question that is asked more times than you can imagine is “Am I a bad mom?” or “Am I a bad dad?”

There are many versions of this concern, and it isn’t reserved for any particular developmental stage or parental season. At one time or another, every parent questions whether they are up for the job! And when doubt creeps in, it [...]