Heartmanity's Blog

People-pleasing behavior is fraught with many emotional land mines: resentment, exhaustion, losing touch with our needs, seeking to be liked while giving up our desires and dreams, repressing emotions, and the impossible task of keeping everyone happy (to name just a few). Every parent I’ve worked with who identifies themselves as people-pleasers asks, “what can I do to ensure that my child doesn’t become a people pleaser like me?” I’ve never met any parent who aspires to raise compliant pleasers.

Having taught parenting classes for over 20 years and coached scores of children, parents, and families for just as long, I’ve heard many stories from parents riddled with guilt and worry. Parenting is hard enough without feeling doubt and judging ourselves. The one question that is asked more times than you can imagine is “Am I a bad mom?” or “Am I a bad dad?”

There are many versions of this concern, and it isn’t reserved for any particular developmental stage or parental season. At one time or another, every parent questions whether they are up for the job! And when doubt creeps in, it [...]

Do you know the recipe for keeping your relationship with your preteen and teen strong and healthy? As a parent, are you aware of the critical responses needed to support and ensure vital teen brain development? Simple and crucial parental responses can make the difference.

One of the greatest concerns of every parent is keeping their teen safe when teenage rebellion and risk-taking are prevalent. Science shows that teens rebel more when parents react and are unable to regulate their own emotions. Too often, parents engage in fighting matches and arguments, flinging reprisals and wielding [...]

"You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today." ~Abraham Lincoln

All parents want to raise responsible, self-reliant children—but getting there doesn't happen overnight. It takes years of nurturing to prepare our kids for a life of independence. Not only do we need to actively teach our children responsibility, but we also need to model the behaviors we want to see. And it's also important to avoid making critical parenting mistakes that could undermine our goal of raising independent kids.

No matter how long ago it was, you probably remember what it was like to be a teenager: feeling alienated from the world as if no one could understand you. A common and familiar theme.

When you’re a teen, the inner critic, negative self-talk, and anxiety can spiral out of control unless you know the right coping skills, how to regulate emotions, and develop intrinsic motivation.

When you’re the parent of a teen, it can be challenging to access the mindset needed to relate to the struggles of adolescence. This can create a rift between you and your children as they enter their teen years. [...]

Every parent of a toddler is familiar with the incessant "whys" that litter each day. At first, they are endearing and cute. Parents take great delight in hearing that sweet voice and seeing the expressive, curious face of their child. However, after the first hundred times or so, or on a particularly stressful or hectic occasion, the question often begins to irritate parents. Fortunately, this stage passes somewhat quickly, as the child's language development expands to include more and more words. And then before you know it—the teenage years greet you!

The stages of development in [...]

Being a parent is difficult and complicated. On top of parenting being a full-time job, it costs an estimated quarter of a million dollars to raise each child to the age of eighteen. We dedicate ourselves to keeping our children safe and healthy for nearly two decades—a huge feat in this crazy world. Even after they’ve grown up, we have heartstrings connected to them 24/7, no matter where they live or what they’re doing.

It can really hurt when we unexpectedly find our adult relationships with our children strained. Do you think to yourself, "Why is my grown son so mean to me?" or "Why is [...]

Every couple is unique. Each couple has a different response to the news of being pregnant and having a baby. Yet, nothing is more exciting—and terrifying—than becoming pregnant and knowing that you're going to be responsible for another human being.

It's common to dive into all of the information online and buy a few books to devour. And it's natural to fill your thoughts with possible baby names, pursue midwives, and make that first check-up appointment. It's common to immediately seek to understand the stages of the embryo and fetus development and plan for the major event of [...]

One of the most challenging times in life is when your child hits the teenage years. Parenting teens is as much a rite of passage for you as it is for your teen. It’s when your sweet, agreeable child turns grumpy, rebellious, and pushes you away seemingly overnight. I’ll never forget my own experience as a first-time parent of a teenager. During one incredibly difficult time, my 14-year-old son and I had just had an argument, and he had stormed off abruptly. My daughter, who was five years younger, had witnessed the whole blow-up. As she saw the tears welling in my eyes, she looked up at [...]

Spring is in full swing and it's only a few weeks before school lets out. And what a year it's been! The pandemic with its alternating virtual and in-person schedules and quarantines has exhausted teachers, stressed parents with unpredictable changes, and crashed the social life of our teenagers. Summer will be a welcome change!