As much as we love the freedom of summer, the reality of back-to-school is just around the corner. And while the thought of routine and structure might feel like a relief for some, it can be downright overwhelming for others—especially for kids!
The excitement of a new school year mixes with the inevitable stress that comes with new teachers, new routines, and perhaps even new schools. It’s natural to feel a little anxious. However, with the right mindset and tools, you can help your child transition smoothly and ensure they are emotionally prepared for what lies ahead.
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The key to making this transition easier is focusing on arming your child with emotional intelligence (EQ). With emotional intelligence, your child will have the skills to face any challenge with grace and confidence.
As a parent, you play an essential role in modeling these EQ skills to pave the way for a successful school year.
What Are the Key Elements of Emotional Intelligence?
Before diving into specific strategies, let’s take a moment to refresh the meaning of emotional intelligence and why it’s crucial during transitions like the back-to-school season.
Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize, understand, manage, and influence our emotions and the emotions of others. Being emotionally intelligent enables your child to emotionally regulate and listen to their internal compass so they can take effective action in varying situations.
When it comes to preparing for school, emotional intelligence can help children and teens:
- manage their anxiety
- develop better social skills
- handle new or unexpected situations
- improve friendships and relationships
- build greater resilience in the face of challenges
- increase problem-solving and critical thinking
Modeling emotional intelligence is equally important as teaching EQ skills. By demonstrating self-regulation, empathy, and emotional awareness, you create an emotionally supportive environment that makes transitions like back-to-school easier for everyone.
Related reading: “Back to School Essential Oils to Support Your Kid’s Health.”
5 Ways to Use Emotional Intelligence for a Smooth Back-to-School Transition
Let’s dig in and explore 5 practical and powerful ways to use emotional intelligence to prepare your child for a smooth back-to-school transition. Whether your child is excited or anxious about the return to school, these parenting strategies will help them (and you!) approach the new year with confidence and resilience.
By integrating these tools into your daily routine, you’ll create a positive emotional foundation for your child, setting them up for success both in and outside the classroom.
Teach Emotional Literacy and Vocabulary for Emotions
The first step for helping your children manage the new school year is expanding their knowledge of feelings. Being able to recognize and label emotions is a powerful skill and it will help them manage and express their feelings effectively.
Emotional literacy is a vital cornerstone of emotional health.
Expanding your child’s emotional vocabulary will make it easier for them to communicate about what they’re feeling and better surf the ups and downs.
Why an Emotional Literacy and Vocabulary Matters
Children with a richer emotional vocabulary are better able to articulate their needs and concerns, which can lead to fewer misunderstandings and less frustration.
Actionable Tips:
- Utilize lessons in stories and books.
There are plenty of children's books focused on emotions or emotional regulation.
Books are a fabulous way for a child to learn about their emotions and their purpose, like Perseverance Makes Me Stronger, that teaches social intelligence and uses emotions as a sign post to emotional well-being and strength. Or this book set with plush toys for very young children adds a tactile experience.
Read a book together (at their age level) and then talk about how it applies to real life. Utilize stories as an opportunity to share your own experiences and struggles. Sharing personally helps your child identify emotions and relate them to their own experiences.
And don't forget that every conversation, book, audiobook, TV series, or movie are possible teachable moments. - Practice describing emotions.
During everyday life, encourage your child to name their feelings. For example, if they seem angry or upset about something, say, “It looks like you’re feeling upset, maybe angry about something. Do you want to tell me what happened?”
Or share your own emotions: "Today, I was really frustrated with a co-worker who I disagreed with. I took a little walk outside to gain some perspective." Sometimes, parents can expect their children and teens to share their inner worlds with them without sharing their own.
They are more likely to open up if it's not a one-way street of communication. Share with them occasionally and appropriately by age. - Make learning about the emotions enjoyable.
Use activities like emotion-themed puzzles and games or art projects to help your child practice identifying emotions in a relaxed, enjoyable way. You can have a child pick characters from a book or movie to describe their feelings; this helps them translate their experiences in a relatable and meaningful way.
Model and Teach Emotional Regulation
One of the most powerful tools to help your child navigate the back-to-school transition is emotional regulation.
Emotional regulation involves self-control and managing emotions, especially during stressful times. Instead of letting intense feelings take over, it’s about using strategies to calm and regain balance.
As a parent, demonstrating emotional regulation will also help your child learn how to handle their own emotions effectively.
Why Emotional Regulation Matters
This foundational skill sets the stage for building resilience, helping children and teens remain composed even when things feel stressful or overwhelming.
Interacting daily in the classroom and with teachers and classmates requires a lot of mental and emotional bandwidth as well as control. Children learn by observing their parents, so when you model emotional regulation, you're teaching them how to handle their own feelings in challenging situations.
Whether it’s dealing with back-to-school jitters or navigating conflicts with classmates, helping your child see that it’s possible to feel stressed yet remain calm will encourage them to regulate their emotions on their own.
Actionable Tips:
- Be Honest About Your Own Feelings:
Show your child that it’s natural to feel a little anxious and excited simultaneously during transitions like back-to-school.
For example, you might say, “I’m feeling a bit nervous about getting back into the swing of a new school year. We've had so much fun this summer; I'm really going to miss spending extra time with you.” This simple comment helps normalize emotions and teaches them that it’s okay to acknowledge how they feel. - Demonstrate Calming Techniques:
Show your child how to handle stress by using simple coping tools like deep breathing or taking short breaks.
For instance, if you feel anxious while preparing for a work presentation, pause and take a few deep breaths. Then, say out loud, “Breathing deep helps me center and calm when I’m feeling a bit nervous; then, I can think clearer, too.”
By modeling emotional regulation, you give your child an advantage and a tool to try on themselves. When they face difficult situations, they'll remember your example and it will help shift what might have been a stressful time into an experience that increases confidence and resilience.
Real-Life Examples of Self-Regulation and Self-ControlHere are 5 real-life examples of situations a child or teen might face at school, where self-control and emotional regulation are crucial: Example 1: Being Excluded from a Group Activity Situation: During lunch or recess, a child notices that their friends are talking or playing with others and leaving them out. Self-Regulation in Action: The child feels left out and hurt. They engage with the group in a fun-loving way to surmount the exclusion. Or they might choose to take a deep breath and walk away calmly rather than reacting with anger or jealousy. Then, they initiate play with other classmates. .
Situation: A teen overhears a classmate making a critical comment about their clothes and appearance. Self-Regulation in Action: Despite feeling embarrassed or upset, the teen doesn’t lash out or retreat into self-doubt. Instead, they focus on maintaining their composure and remind themselves that their self-worth isn’t defined by others' opinions. .
Situation: A student answers a question incorrectly in front of the class and feels embarrassed by the mistake. Self-Regulation in Action: The child remains calm, restraining the urge to get defensive. They listen to the teacher’s correction and resolve to do better next time, instead of shutting down or arguing. .
Situation: A teen is asked to skip class with a couple of their peers. Self-Regulation in Action: Despite the pressure to fit in, the teen says no respectfully instead of succumbing to the immediate desire to be accepted. . Example 5: Losing a Sports Game Situation: A child’s sports team loses a big game, and they feel disappointed and frustrated with their individual performance. Self-Regulation in Action: Instead of blaming teammates or sulking, the child controls their emotions and congratulates the winning team. Then, they commit to practice harder and improve for their next game. Later, they think of three things they did well in the game and then pinpoint one specific area to work on. This emotionally intelligent response is a growth mindset supporting emotional regulation. |
Create a Safe Space for Emotional Expression
Back-to-school can stir up many emotions for children and teens. It’s important to allow them to express their emotions in a safe, accepting environment.
Parents can forget how BIG an experience can feel for children, especially if they feel rejected or excluded. Creating a loving space and carving time with your undivided attention to talk about their day builds crucial emotional support.
Why Safety for Emotional Expression Matters:
When children feel they can express themselves openly, it helps them process their emotions and learn how to deal with them in healthy ways. Children who are encouraged to identify and talk about their feelings are more likely to manage school-related stress effectively.
For calming areas or living spaces, this It's Okay to Feel pillow can be a great reminder to pay attention to our feelings and invite a child to share more.
A vital key to creating openness and emotional expression is acceptance. Any judgment or shaming will shut down a child's or teen's desire or ability to share.
Actionable Tips:
- Encourage open conversations.
Start a dialogue about how your child is feeling about school.
Before school starts: Ask questions such as “What are you looking forward to the most about school today? Is there anything you feel a little nervous about?”
During the school year: “What was the best part of your day?” or “Did you have any challenges today? How did you handle them?” or “Was there any time during the day you remembered to breathe deeply?” - Validate their emotions.
It’s important to acknowledge your child’s feelings without minimizing them with feeling stoppers. Phrases like, “It makes sense that you’re a little nervous; starting a new school year is a big change,” can help them feel understood. - Use a feelings chart.
Younger children benefit from visual aids, such as feelings charts. This emotion wheel or the child's feeling busy book are especially great for young children just learning about their feelings. The ability to move the dial or flip the pages increases engagement and better anchors the information, especially for kinesthetic learners.
Viewing a colorful chart can help identify emotions. If you want to go a step further and teach coping strategies, this Feeling Meter with Coping Skills is helpful. Children learning about their emotions is critical for emotional development.
Many parents didn't grow up with emotionally savvy parents, if you're one of them, these tools can help you grow, too! - Add journaling for older children.
As children mature, journaling can be a great practice. There are many types of journaling so your child or teen can choose a unique way to express themselves. One of our favorites for building self-esteem and a growth mindset is the Growth Mindset Journal, which comes in a version both for younger kids and teens.
A gratitude practice (a form of journaling) is another excellent way to stay encouraged and has substantial research to show its positive effects.
Practice Empathy
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. It’s one of the foundational aspects of emotional intelligence and helps children build strong, supportive relationships with others.
When it comes to back-to-school time, empathy can also help children understand their peers’ feelings and respond with kindness and patience.
Why Empathizing Matters
Empathy fosters essential social skills that empower children to navigate new friendships and school dynamics. It can diffuse tense situations with classmates (or teachers) and help children respect the emotions of others, increasing positive social interactions.
Actionable Tips:
- Be fully present and listen attentively.
When your child wants to talk about their school day, drop everything you’re doing and listen without interrupting. Show that you’re interested by asking thoughtful questions and reflecting back what they’ve shared.
For example, “You seemed sad when you mentioned not getting along with your classmate. Can you tell me more about what happened?” - Practice perspective-taking.
Help your child consider how others might feel in different situations AFTER they’ve had a chance to unload, tell you about their own experience, and you've empathized, or circle back at another time.
It's imperative that you don't jump too quickly over to the other side; it can cause a child to feel like others' feelings are more important than their own.
If a child or teen is upset with how their classmate or friend treated them, after calming, have them come up with three different reasons for their behavior. For instance, “My friend could have been stressing about their grades.” Or “Maybe my classmate was anxious about their appearance so put the attention on me.”
Each time a child practices perspective-taking, it assists them in depersonalizing others’ behaviors, building emotional literacy, and mental flexibility which ultimately increases self-confidence. - Be empathetic in conflict.
If your child comes home from school upset and snaps at you or refuses to talk, respond with empathy. “It looks like you might have had a rough day at school” or “Wow! You really sound upset (or angry, sad, frustrated, excited, or disgusted); do you want to talk about it?”
A parental tendency is to react because the child's emotion may seem disrespectful. Remember, your child and teen are still learning how to regulate emotions and a strong feeling may come flying out occasionally and feel disrespectful. Calm and empathetic parenting will ensure that they feel heard and understood.
And if you're concerned about disrespect, you can always empathize with boundaries.
Encourage Problem-Solving and Independence
One of the best ways to empower your child during the back-to-school transition is by teaching them how to solve problems independently. This builds resilience and boosts self-confidence, which are vital for success in school and life.
Why Building Problem Solving Matters
When children feel equipped to handle challenges on their own, it reduces anxiety and increases their sense of control. It also teaches them that making mistakes is part of the learning process.
Actionable Tips:
- Ask problem-solving questions:
Encourage your child to think through solutions on their own by asking, “What do you think you could do if you forget your lunch at school?” or “How could you handle a situation where you’re feeling frustrated in class?” - Celebrate their efforts:
Give positive feedback to your child not just for the outcome, but for the effort they put into solving problems. For example, “I’m really proud of how you handled that situation with your classmate.” - Allow space for trial and error:
Give your child the freedom to make small decisions on their own and learn from their mistakes. This autonomy builds confidence and a growth mindset.
Stay away from these parenting missteps that destroy responsibility in children.
Suggested reading: "Simple and Effective Ways to Teach Thinking Skills to Children and Teens."
Closing Thoughts
Back-to-school season doesn’t have to be a source of stress for you or your child.
By using emotional intelligence to model healthy emotional expression, increase empathy, and encourage problem-solving, you’ll help your child navigate this transition and the coming year with confidence and resilience.
As a parent, your ability to manage your own emotions and support your child’s emotional development sets the tone for a successful school year.
With the right tools and mindset, you’ll not only survive the back-to-school transition but thrive—creating a foundation for emotional well-being that will serve your child for years to come.
Recommended Parenting Books and Audios:
Parenting from the Inside Out by Daniel Siegel
If you've ever said to yourself, "I can't believe I just said that to my child!" this parenting book is for you! It explores how our own childhood impacts our parenting and gives a step-by-step approach to integrate and give meaning to those experiences.
This knowledge will help you deepen your parent-child bonds as you tap into better emotion regulation and empathetic communication skills. A must-read for every parent.
Yes, Your Teen Is Crazy! by Michael J. Bradley
A profound yet humorous, award-winning book on the teenage brain and the accompanying parenting challenges. Bradley goes to the heart of the parent-teen relationship with elegance and practical tools backed by science.
It's an invaluable resource for any parent who has preteens or teens!
Raising a Thinking Preteen by Myrna B. Shure, Ph.D.
In this bestseller, you'll get a practical guide to teach your preteen how to think independently at a time when their brain is rapidly developing and peer pressure increases. It is written with insight, boiling down academic research into user-friendly information for parents to easily apply.
Shure addresses the adolescent challenges with a nationally acclaimed method for resolving conflict and practical tools for success. Learn how to build the resilience your child needs—an incredibly vital book for every parent!
Frequently Asked Questions
How can I help my child manage back-to-school anxiety?
Helping your child manage anxiety involves checking in with them, creating a safe space for them to express themselves, validating their feelings, and teaching them calming techniques like deep breathing.
It’s helpful to practice these strategies together and make it a family goal to grow higher EQ, especially as the first day of school approaches.
What if my child doesn’t want to go back to school?
If your child is reluctant to go back to school, address their concerns with empathy and provide reassurance. Focus on the positive aspects of school, such as seeing friends and engaging in exciting activities. Role-playing and familiarizing them with the school environment can also help reduce fear.
How can I teach my child emotional intelligence at home?
Start by modeling emotional awareness and regulation. Use books (see recommended list above), games, and discussions to help your child learn how to recognize and process their emotions. Encourage them to practice self-management and consider the feelings of others as well as their own in everyday situations.
Did you find this article helpful? Check out our other favorite parenting articles. For parent coaching, contact us at support@heartmanity.com.
