How to Not Be a People Pleaser and Stop Seeking Approval

January 14, 2020

People pleasing is a habit for many; it was a way of life for me. Then one evening, I was brainstorming topics for a school paper with my daughter. It's enjoyable generating ideas; I love collaborative ventures. However, she quickly torpedoed my ideas for one reason or another. After a while, I started feeling disheartened and said to her, “If all my suggestions get rejected, what’s the point of me giving ideas?” What she said next turned my world inside out.

Posted in Brain Fitness, Mindfulness and Perspective, Emotional Intelligence

The 3 Types of Empathy Explained: Part III, Compassionate Empathy

January 09, 2020

The adage, “think with your head, not with your heart,” would make you think that emotional empathy (Part I of this series) and cognitive empathy (Part II of this series) cannot coexist. Luckily, that’s not true! When the heart and mind meet in the middle, the third type of empathy comes alive—Compassionate Empathy.

Compassionate empathy is the antithesis of knee-jerk reactions and it is often the ideal response to challenging situations as this skill blends intellect, emotion, and action by considering the whole person. By developing compassionate empathy, you’ll go beyond a simple [...]

Posted in Emotional Intelligence, How to Build Empathy

The 3 Types of Empathy Explained: Part II, Cognitive Empathy

January 07, 2020

Welcome to the second part of the in-depth series on the types of empathy. In Part 1, you learned about Emotional Empathy. Now, it’s time to explore Cognitive Empathy. In the next blog, we’ll cover Compassionate Empathy.

To begin, think about all the people in your life. Is there someone you turn to when you need a solution to a problem? Someone who can cut through your emotional mess and help you formulate a plan of action?

These go-to problem-solvers often rely on cognitive empathy to make sense of other people’s struggles. Cognitive empathy is a characteristic of emotional intelligence [...]

Posted in Emotional Intelligence, How to Build Empathy

The 3 Types of Empathy Explained: Part I, Emotional Empathy

January 04, 2020

“Empathy is seeing with the eyes of another, listening with the ears of another and feeling with the heart of another.” ~Alfred Alder

You may have heard Alder’s description of empathy before, but did you know there are three types of empathy? That’s right! There’s Emotional Empathy, Compassionate Empathy, and Cognitive Empathy, and each one has its uses. This series of posts will explore each type of empathy in depth so you can better recognize and utilize them.

Let’s begin with Emotional Empathy. When someone uses the quote above or calls themselves an “empath,” they’re typically [...]

Posted in Emotional Intelligence, How to Build Empathy

Mini-Habits to Support Your Growth and Success

November 30, 2019

Years ago, I attended an out-of-state business training and was chosen to be a part of an interactive exercise that the facilitator conducted. The exercise required us to take steps along a tightrope, maintaining balance while also ensuring that our team members before and after us were safe and secure. It was a difficult task. The experience gave me practice firsthand in balancing while simultaneously striving to accomplish a distant goal. 

What echoes in my mind from that day is the frustrated colleague directly behind me who barked, “Just take small, manageable steps!”

Posted in Emotional Intelligence

Are You Tolerating Disrespect in Your Relationships?

November 04, 2019

We tolerate bad habits and unhealthy behaviors way too long for a variety of reasons. What's yours? What do you allow that depletes your joy? What excuses do you make? And how do you let yourself off the hook and postpone creating a better life? Many times tolerations and compromises are even in our most cherished relationships. Disrespect. Sharp words. Busy schedules that don't cultivate love. Broken promises that erode trust. Why do we make suffering our bed partner?

Years ago, I overheard my mom tell someone in an unhappy marriage, "You've made your bed, and now you have to sleep in [...]

Posted in Brain Fitness, Mindfulness and Perspective, Emotional Intelligence

Empathy & the Empathetic Apology: New, Improved "I am sorry."

October 08, 2019

Apologies are essential in our relationships. No matter how they are given, whether through an apology letter or in person, apologies recognize that hurt has happened due to the actions of another. Without that recognition, bitterness and resentment can build.

When given freely and sincerely, apologies hold the power to be precious. They say, “I have screwed up and have hurt you.” Are we able to mend and move forward in our relationship in spite of the screw-up? Will the experience result in greater distance or more closeness and understanding?

Posted in Emotional Intelligence

Do You Know How to Say No? Simple Boundaries Can Be Difficult

September 10, 2019

Emotional literacy and emotional intelligence both start by being able to say no. “No” is one of the shortest and simplest of words in almost any language, but so many people are afraid to use it.

Parents come to me repeatedly because their child has been using that little, powerful word too much. Why do we train it out of them? By the time we’re adults, many of us have learned that it’s easier to go along with others. We seek to please, to be liked, to avoid hurting someone’s feelings, or to prevent conflict, which results in people pleasing. So we say yes when we mean no. Or we say yes [...]

Posted in Emotional Intelligence

The Power of Empathy: More than a Band-Aid for the Heart

August 13, 2019

One of the most needed and talked about topics and skills right now is empathy. Why? Because we are all longing for connection. People are hungry to be understood. And empathy has become a lost art. The power of empathy is at the core of emotional intelligence (EQ) and relationship mastery. It faithfully delivers the ability to connect with people we love and care about—and even handle those difficult people in our lives gracefully.

Do you ever feel ill-equipped to respond to a friend, spouse, or co-worker when they're sharing strong feelings or a painful experience? Do you postpone those [...]

Posted in Emotional Intelligence, How to Build Empathy

5 Simple Keys to a Happier, Vibrant Life

August 10, 2019

How would your life be different if you could have regular support, deep connection, and inspiration that you could count on?

Life without love and friendship is empty. Work without support, collaboration, and a shared vision make for a lonely path. As human beings, we are wired for relationship, and connecting is crucial. Families, businesses, and communities disintegrate without genuine connection. Happier living requires connection with oneself and each other!

Sure, we can climb the mountain of life alone, but it's not as safe and isn't nearly as fun! Going it alone isn't what we need [...]

Posted in Emotional Intelligence & Fitness, Emotional Intelligence