It’s common to have unrealistic and romantic ideas about love, relationships, and marriage. We grow up with a solid diet of fairytales and love stories. Nobody tells you how much work it is to love someone full-time, 24-7, seven days a week—really love someone.

After the honeymoon wears off, it hits you—sometimes gradually, other times suddenly like a ton of bricks. You’re living day-to-day with the quirks of your partner and juggling all the pressures of life and work. Then, one day, you have this pit in your stomach and dare to wonder if you married the wrong person.

One of the most common and precarious habits that I observe in couples and even long-term marriages is the popular behavior of telling your partner what they want to hear rather than what you need, want, think, and feel. When we go along with our partner rather than engage on a real and authentic level, it builds a marriage with unsteady stilts that can topple at any time.

Pleasing, people pleasers and compliance are prevalent. So why is this habit so pervasive?

Estimated reading time: 4.5 minutes

Did you know that nature creates no waste? Last summer, I had to remind myself of this fact when I came across a magpie greedily devouring a carcass while on a walk.

Think about the magnitude of the concept of "no waste" for a moment. Profound isn't it? Even mind-boggling. It turns out that health for an ecosystem, including our relationship with ourselves,  boils down to a few age-old principles. If we're going to create and keep anything healthy, we have to take care of it!

One thing is top of mind in my life: my relationships. Every year, a ritual I never miss is taking stock of how well I have loved those most important to me the year before. I typically do this practice on my birthday or at the beginning of the new year. One of the most precious people in my life, as you might guess, is my husband of several decades. This year in reflecting on what has supported our happiness and success, there are a few things that stand out, which occurred to me that they may be helpful to others.

Estimated reading time: 10 minutes ... but a lifetime to master!

Have you ever compared the quality of your relationship to a dining experience? Probably not. Yet, most people relish a delicious, home-cooked meal, or a gourmet dinner at a fine restaurant.

It's common knowledge to my family and friends that I would rather go without eating than eat fast food. It's not that I'm a food snob; I simply don't feel good after eating most of its fare. An occasional meal at McDonald's or Burger King isn't going to give you anything but indigestion. Yet, if you make a regular habit of eating fast food, your convenience may go up, but your health can rapidly decline.

In our very active and full lives, it is so easy to get caught up in the daily demands of our work or interests and sacrifice love. With the added challenge of technology addiction, couples can be living more like roommates than lovers. Many struggling couples ask me, "Can you fall out of love?" or tell me that they've fallen out of love.

Estimated reading time: 6 minutes

It’s common to hear couples complain about behaviors of their partners while wishing their life could be happier. Somehow, we think that if our partner changed, we would be happier. Or we think, “If my partner would stop annoying me, start appreciating me, or be more intimate with me, our relationship would improve.” However, the key lies in our ability to love ourselves.

Estimated reading time: 4 minutes

We have been duped! “Happily ever after” has been made out to be something that happens magically when you’re in love. People don’t tell you how much work it takes to understand one another in everyday life.

Love is a choice and one that isn't always easy. It can be difficult to set aside your own opinions and truly hear your partner’s opposing views.

No one prepares you with the necessary skills, such as how to express emotions without hurting your partner or how to calm your emotions so they don’t distort reality and blind you when communicating with your partner.

Estimated reading time: 3 [...]