--- title: You Create the Quality of Your Relationship description: "Practical marriage advice for couples wanting a happier, closer relationship. Create a healthy relationship: choose its quality by your words and actions." image: https://blog.heartmanity.com/hubfs/Luxury-restaurant-table-on-sunset-502840530_2549x1700-compressor.jpeg --- [![Heartmanity](https://heartmanity.com/wp-content/files/heartmanity-logo-web.png "Heartmanity")](https://heartmanity.com) [Schedule a Conversation](https://heartmanity.as.me/schedule.php?appointmentType=30172362) [Shop](https://heartmanity-services-products.myshopify.com/) [Join the Community](https://heartmanitycommunity.mn.co/) [Get In Touch](https://heartmanity.com/contact/) - [Home](https://heartmanity.com/) - [Our Focus and Expertise](https://heartmanity.com/our-focus-and-expertise/) - [BrainFitness](https://heartmanity.com/brain-fitness/) - [Emotional Intel](https://heartmanity.com/emotional-intel/) - [Habits for Health](https://heartmanity.com/habits-for-health/) - [Relationship Mastery](https://heartmanity.com/relationship-mastery/) - [About](https://heartmanity.com/about/) - [Individuals](https://heartmanity.com/individuals/) - [No-Nonsense Coaching](https://heartmanity.com/no-nonsense-coaching/) - [Return to Serenity](https://heartmanity.com/return-to-serenity/) - [One-Year Makeover](https://heartmanity.com/one-year-makeover/) - Couples - [Drama-Free Marriage](https://heartmanity.com/drama-free-marriage/) - [Marriage Tune-Up](https://heartmanity.com/resources/drama-free-resources/#tune-up) - [Couples Mentoring](https://heartmanity.com/resources/drama-free-resources/#mentoring) - [Premarital Coaching](https://heartmanity.com/resources/drama-free-resources/#coaching) - [Drama-Free Weddings](https://heartmanity.com/resources/drama-free-resources/#weddings) - Parents - [HeartPrints® Parenting](https://heartmanity.com/heartprints-parenting/) - [Parent Coaching](https://heartmanity.com/resources/heartprints-resources/#coaching) - [Family Coaching](https://heartmanity.com/resources/heartprints-resources/#visits) - [WombPrints](https://heartmanity.com/heartprints-parenting/#wombprints) - [Professionals](https://heartmanity.com/professionals/) - [Heartmanity for Business](https://heartmanity.com/business/) - [Heartlead Business](https://heartmanity.com/heartmanity-for-business/) - [MomPreneurs](https://heartmanity.com/mompreneurs/) - [Resources](https://heartmanity.com/resources/) - [Heartlead Resources](https://heartmanity.com/resources/heartlead-resources/) - [Drama-Free Resources](https://heartmanity.com/resources/drama-free-resources/) - [HeartPrints® Resources](https://heartmanity.com/resources/heartprints-resources/) - [Personal Growth Resources](https://heartmanity.com/resources/personal-growth-resources/) - [Blog](https://blog.heartmanity.com/) - [Emotional Intelligence & Fitness](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/emotional-intelligence-fitness) - [Leadership and Business](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/leadership-and-business) - [Love, Marriage, and Relationships](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/love-marriage-and-relationships) - [Parents: Permission to Be Imperfect](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/parents-permission-to-be-imperfect) - [Brain Fitness, Mindfulness and Perspective](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/brain-fitness-mindfulness-and-perspective) - [Communication & Interpersonal Skills](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/communication-interpersonal-skills) - [Habits for Health](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/habits-for-health) Heartmanity's Blog Search Search - There are no suggestions because the search field is empty. Topics: Select a topic... All Emotional Intelligence & Fitness Leadership and Business Love, Marriage, and Relationships Parents: Permission to Be Imperfect Brain Fitness, Mindfulness and Perspective Communication & Interpersonal Skills Habits for Health Heartmanity Webinars, Classes, and Events Filters # [*You Create the Quality of Your Relationship*](https://blog.heartmanity.com/you-create-the-quality-of-your-relationship) Have you ever compared the quality of your relationship to a dining experience? Probably not. Yet, most people relish a delicious, home-cooked meal, or a gourmet dinner at a fine restaurant. It's common knowledge to my family and friends that I would rather go without eating than eat fast food. It's not that I'm a food snob; I simply don't feel good after eating most of its fare. An occasional meal at McDonald's or Burger King isn't going to give you anything but indigestion. Yet, if you make a regular habit of eating fast food, your convenience may go up, but [your health can rapidly decline](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Super_Size_Me). Okay, back on topic. Relationships work that way, too. A healthy and thriving relationship requires effort, quality ingredients, and an investment of time and love. ![Luxury restaurant table set for a couple creating closeness](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Luxury-restaurant-table-on-sunset-502840530_2549x1700-compressor.jpeg?width=2549&name=Luxury-restaurant-table-on-sunset-502840530_2549x1700-compressor.jpeg) ## How a Negative Mindset Affects Your Marriage When we think about a love relationship we don't often think about a dining experience, but I think the way we treat our bodies and the food we eat has a lot to do with a certain mindset. If we don't care for our bodies, will we care for and nurture our relationship? Are **you looking for a drive-through experience or a rich, meaningful relationship to savor?** The drive-through window is a lot faster than an evening in a restaurant, but the experience may not last as long, be as gratifying, and it may have unpleasant aftereffects. There's always a price to be paid for our health and vitality, *and* for the health and vitality of a relationship and marriage, too. Stop and think for a minute. If I asked you to describe your current relationship with your partner as a dining experience, what would your description reveal? What creates an exquisite daily experience and a "delicious" relationship? However, it all comes down to this question:  ### What kind of relationship do you want to create? *You get to choose!* First of all, you need to decide the quality of relationship you want to create. It's up to you. If you want to have a potluck relationship, you will create an atmosphere that is informal, spontaneous, and fun. If you want to serve a formal dinner, you set the menu and the atmosphere accordingly. The meal and the type of experience are created and guided by *you*. What do you want? Second, what are your partner's values, preferences, and personality traits? Is he or she a vegetarian? Then a fat, juicy steak or even prime rib would not be appreciated. If your partner has a quiet and perceptive personality, a thoughtful and purposeful discussion would be far better received than a heated debate. But there are lots of delicious vegetarian dishes and plenty of alternatives to heavy-handedness in the relationship. So—here's a scenario. You haven't had time for a meaningful or heartfelt conversation as a couple for quite a while. Your partner has just settled in for the evening, and you're ready for a break, too. What's your choice? Fast food or a real dining experience? Hmm... fast food? You probably know the menu by heart. You're hungry and you just want something to eat—quick. You pull up to the order window of your relationship and start running through a honey-do list: "Great that you finished cleaning out the basement! Tomorrow can you *please* fix that faucet like you promised?" Ouch. ![A couple choosing technology over connection](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Technology-addiction-between-couple-1181913082_838x1258-compressor.jpeg?width=300&name=Technology-addiction-between-couple-1181913082_838x1258-compressor.jpeg)Or you both quickly plug into your preferred technology: he's on the computer, you're on your I-phone. An hour or two go by without connection with each other so you order a pizza for delivery. If you do start talking, you launch into an ongoing problem at work: "I just don't know what I'm going to do. My manager is impossible and withholds information that I need to do my job effectively!" Your spouse may even fill your order and try to solve your problem. You may get a lot aired in a short time; at least the venting felt good (in the short term, just like fast food). Yet, one or both of you may wind up with indigestion. Or perhaps you just flip on the television and zone out. It's not that fast-food interactions aren't necessary, even enjoyable, in our busy lives occasionally. But like cheeseburgers, they're not good for a steady diet. To really nurture your relationship, it helps to create fine dining experiences metaphorically. They don't cost anything or add to your calories, and over time they build a foundation of supportive routines, meaningful rituals, and a strong connection as a couple. So—let's redo the same scenario with quality in mind. You haven't had time for real conversation as a couple for ages. Your partner has just settled down on the couch, but instead of sinking in, you acknowledge the need and desire to connect more meaningfully, so you decide to go out for a relaxing dinner and a replenishing experience. (Yep, it takes more effort for sure.) Closeness and connection are forged; they don't just happen! #### How to Have a Healthy Relationship and the Recipe for a Happy Marriage Imagine that you have just sat down at your favorite restaurant for a four-course meal. What comes first? The drinks, and a little small talk before you place your orders. It's your first exchange as you sit down, a greeting and slight connection. This opening allows you both to settle in and prepare for the lovely experience. ![A newlywed couple having a touching moment at dinner](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Newly-married-couple-140463290_1176x893-compressor.jpeg?width=600&name=Newly-married-couple-140463290_1176x893-compressor.jpeg)Next, comes the appetizers—little nuggets to appease your hunger pangs but not fill you up. Maybe there is a gentle peck on the lips of your spouse or a little playful banter as you relax into each other's presence. Now comes the soup or salad, something nourishing: a kind gesture, a compliment, a humorous story or two, or perhaps a question about a topic you know is interesting to your spouse. Soup is warm and inviting; salad is cheerful and stimulating—your choice. The main course is the bulk of the meal. It should be substantial, nourishing, and leave you both satisfied and comfortably full (but not overstuffed!). Like a well-balanced meal, full of lovely colors and a diversity of flavors, the main course is the time of conversation on more in-depth and meaningful topics. In the main course, we lose ourselves in the sheer pleasure of each other's company. An hour feels like only minutes. *Finally, dessert.* The dessert is just as important as all the other parts of a meal. It acknowledges that the relationship and our time together are, indeed, very sweet. And lastly, it rounds off the delicious experience with delight. When we leave the restaurant, we are fully satisfied and feel closer to our partner. Top it off by treating your partner to kind, random gestures this week that add more sweetness to your relationship. Then every day your relationship will provide an unforgettable dining experience that supports your love for one another. **For personalized support to make your relationship sweeter, [check out our relationship resources](https://heartmanity.com/resources/drama-free-resources/). For premarital counseling or marriage coaching, [contact](https://heartmanity.com/contact/) Heartmanity today!** **For other ideas of how to make your relationship sweet, check out our infographic below![Keys for Making Your Love Life Sweet!](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/LoveTipsPage_.jpg?width=1200&name=LoveTipsPage_.jpg)** ### Like the article? Help us spread the word and share it! Facebook Twitter Pinterest LinkedIn **![Jennifer A. Williams / Heartmanity Founder](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Jennifer%20Williams022.jpg?width=225&name=Jennifer%20Williams022.jpg)[Jennifer A. Williams / Heartmanity Founder](https://blog.heartmanity.com/author/jennifer-a-williams-heartmanity-founder)** Jennifer, as the Heartmanity Founder, has coached couples for over two decades. With her extensive experience and vast knowledge of emotional intelligence and brain science, Jennifer provides profound insights. She specializes in communication and teaches EQ skills needed to create healthy relationships. Jennifer is happily married and the mother of three grown children who are incredible human beings. ### You may also like: ![Is Your Relationship Communication Stifling or Deepening Your Love?](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Cosy-weekend-chats-658408252_Compressed.jpeg?width=250&height=150&name=Cosy-weekend-chats-658408252_Compressed.jpeg) [Is Your Relationship Communication Stifling or Deepening Your Love?](https://blog.heartmanity.com/relationship-communication) ![Create a Successful Marriage: Don't Compromise!](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Taking-photos-of-beautiful-nature-641236068_2122x1416-1.jpeg?width=250&height=150&name=Taking-photos-of-beautiful-nature-641236068_2122x1416-1.jpeg) [Create a Successful Marriage: Don't Compromise!](https://blog.heartmanity.com/create-a-successful-marriage-dont-compromise) ![The Grounded Connection: How to Have a Happy Marriage in a High-Voltage World](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Love-187046640_Compressed.jpeg?width=250&height=150&name=Love-187046640_Compressed.jpeg) [The Grounded Connection: How to Have a Happy Marriage in a High-Voltage World](https://blog.heartmanity.com/how-to-have-a-happy-marriage) ![How Your Phone Is Quietly Dulling Emotional Intimacy in Your Relationship](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Couple%20on%20couch%20both%20on%20phones_SM_Compressed.png?width=250&height=150&name=Couple%20on%20couch%20both%20on%20phones_SM_Compressed.png) [How Your Phone Is Quietly Dulling Emotional Intimacy in Your Relationship](https://blog.heartmanity.com/the-invisible-relationship-firewall-is-your-phone-blocking-real-intimacy) Posted in [Love, Marriage, and Relationships](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/love-marriage-and-relationships) © Heartmanity 2026 [Back to Blog](https://blog.heartmanity.com) ### Free Newsletter! 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[Sitemap](https://heartmanity.com/sitemap/) | [Privacy Policy](https://info.heartmanity.com/privacy-policy) ```json { "@context" : "https://schema.org", "@type" : "NewsArticle", "author" : [ { "@type" : "Person", "name" : "Jennifer A. Williams / Heartmanity Founder", "url" : "https://blog.heartmanity.com/author/jennifer-a-williams-heartmanity-founder" } ], "dateModified" : "2024-02-01T17:26:59", "datePublished" : "2019-01-14T05:00:00", "headline" : "You Create the Quality of Your Relationship", "image" : [ "https://info.heartmanity.com/hubfs/Luxury-restaurant-table-on-sunset-502840530_2549x1700-compressor.jpeg" ] } ```