People pleasing is a habit for many; it was a way of life for me. Then one evening, I was brainstorming topics for a school paper with my daughter. It's enjoyable generating ideas; I love collaborative ventures. However, she quickly torpedoed my ideas for one reason or another. After a while, I started feeling disheartened and said to her, “If all my suggestions get rejected, what’s the point of me giving ideas?” What she said next turned my world inside out.

Estimated reading time: 5 minutes

When you wake up in the morning, is your mind racing? Do you fret about what other people think of you? Do you feel anxious, no matter how hard you try to stay calm?

Are you impatient with your impatience?

Luckily, the idea that you should always feel a sense of well-being and inner peace is a misconception. Life happens. Your spouse works late. Children get sick. You get a flat tire on your way to work. A friend hurts your feelings. You lose a pet or a loved one.

Feeling peaceful or having emotional well-being has nothing to do with what happens to us; it’s about learning the art of [...]

My first experience with visualization was in high school as a springboard diver. My coach requested me to switch from a jackknife (or pike) dive to a layout dive, which had more difficulty and higher points in competition.

As you probably know, a layout dive requires the diver’s body to be an unbending plank. My coach was extremely frustrated with me for weeks because no matter how hard I tried to stay straight, I’d bend at the top of the dive.

Estimated reading time: 3.5 minutes

Years ago, I attended an out-of-state business training and was chosen to be a part of an interactive exercise that the facilitator conducted. The exercise required us to take steps along a tightrope, maintaining balance while also ensuring that our team members before and after us were safe and secure. It was a difficult task. The experience gave me practice firsthand in balancing while simultaneously striving to accomplish a distant goal. 

What echoes in my mind from that day is the frustrated colleague directly behind me who barked, “Just take small, manageable steps!”

Estimated reading [...]

I’ve been using essential oils for forty years, long before essential oils became widespread. Despite the variety of essential oils available on the market these days, I always come back to one: lavender essential oil.  It's my favorite! I’ve used lavender essential oil for everything from treating bee stings to bringing down fevers when my kids were young to clearing the air of doggie smells!

Estimated reading time: 3 minutes

Emotional literacy and emotional intelligence both start by being able to say no. “No” is one of the shortest and simplest of words in almost any language, yet many people, especially people pleasers, have difficulty saying it.

Often, parents come to me because their child has been using that little, powerful word too much. Why do we train it out of them? By the time we’re adults, many of us have learned that it’s easier to go along with others. We seek to please, to be liked, to avoid hurting someone’s feelings, or to prevent conflict. So we say yes when we mean no. Or we say yes but drag [...]

Have you ever felt the tang of saying yes when you really wanted to say no? Common responses of people pleasers go something like this: "Sure, I'd be happy to watch your dog for the weekend." "Absolutely, you can count on me for that fundraiser." "No problem—I'll help decorate the kids' lockers for the big game!" "Sure, I'll help you finish that project and stay at the office until it's done!"

It's so easy to say yes, isn't it? Before we even think about our own needs, agreement, and caring responses slide off our tongues.

Estimated reading time: 4 minutes