--- title: "Mirror, Mirror on the Wall: Show Me How to Radically Improve My Life" description: Do you know how to use your life mirror to transform your life? Accelerate personal growth and increase inner peace by decoding your Life Mirror. image: https://blog.heartmanity.com/hubfs/Compass-compressor.jpg --- [![Heartmanity](https://heartmanity.com/wp-content/files/heartmanity-logo-web.png "Heartmanity")](https://heartmanity.com) [Schedule a Conversation](https://heartmanity.as.me/schedule.php?appointmentType=30172362) [Shop](https://heartmanity-services-products.myshopify.com/) [Join the Community](https://heartmanitycommunity.mn.co/) [Get In Touch](https://heartmanity.com/contact/) - [Home](https://heartmanity.com/) - [Our Focus and Expertise](https://heartmanity.com/our-focus-and-expertise/) - [BrainFitness](https://heartmanity.com/brain-fitness/) - [Emotional Intel](https://heartmanity.com/emotional-intel/) - [Habits for Health](https://heartmanity.com/habits-for-health/) - [Relationship Mastery](https://heartmanity.com/relationship-mastery/) - [About](https://heartmanity.com/about/) - [Individuals](https://heartmanity.com/individuals/) - [No-Nonsense Coaching](https://heartmanity.com/no-nonsense-coaching/) - [Return to Serenity](https://heartmanity.com/return-to-serenity/) - [One-Year Makeover](https://heartmanity.com/one-year-makeover/) - Couples - [Drama-Free Marriage](https://heartmanity.com/drama-free-marriage/) - [Marriage Tune-Up](https://heartmanity.com/resources/drama-free-resources/#tune-up) - [Couples Mentoring](https://heartmanity.com/resources/drama-free-resources/#mentoring) - [Premarital Coaching](https://heartmanity.com/resources/drama-free-resources/#coaching) - [Drama-Free Weddings](https://heartmanity.com/resources/drama-free-resources/#weddings) - Parents - [HeartPrints® Parenting](https://heartmanity.com/heartprints-parenting/) - [Parent Coaching](https://heartmanity.com/resources/heartprints-resources/#coaching) - [Family Coaching](https://heartmanity.com/resources/heartprints-resources/#visits) - [WombPrints](https://heartmanity.com/heartprints-parenting/#wombprints) - [Professionals](https://heartmanity.com/professionals/) - [Heartmanity for Business](https://heartmanity.com/business/) - [Heartlead Business](https://heartmanity.com/heartmanity-for-business/) - [MomPreneurs](https://heartmanity.com/mompreneurs/) - [Resources](https://heartmanity.com/resources/) - [Heartlead Resources](https://heartmanity.com/resources/heartlead-resources/) - [Drama-Free Resources](https://heartmanity.com/resources/drama-free-resources/) - [HeartPrints® Resources](https://heartmanity.com/resources/heartprints-resources/) - [Personal Growth Resources](https://heartmanity.com/resources/personal-growth-resources/) - [Blog](https://blog.heartmanity.com/) - [Emotional Intelligence & Fitness](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/emotional-intelligence-fitness) - [Leadership and Business](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/leadership-and-business) - [Love, Marriage, and Relationships](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/love-marriage-and-relationships) - [Parents: Permission to Be Imperfect](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/parents-permission-to-be-imperfect) - [Brain Fitness, Mindfulness and Perspective](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/brain-fitness-mindfulness-and-perspective) - [Communication & Interpersonal Skills](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/communication-interpersonal-skills) - [Habits for Health](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/habits-for-health) Heartmanity's Blog Search Search - There are no suggestions because the search field is empty. Topics: Select a topic... All Emotional Intelligence & Fitness Leadership and Business Love, Marriage, and Relationships Parents: Permission to Be Imperfect Brain Fitness, Mindfulness and Perspective Communication & Interpersonal Skills Habits for Health Heartmanity Webinars, Classes, and Events Filters # [*Mirror, Mirror on the Wall: Show Me How to Radically Improve My Life*](https://blog.heartmanity.com/mirror-mirror-on-the-wall-show-me-how-to-radically-improve-my-life) Has another person's behavior really set you off? Perhaps your co-worker took credit for one of your ideas, or your spouse talked over you and quickly dismissed your feelings. Or maybe a good friend betrayed your confidence. You react and feel justified in lashing out because of what someone else did. Life appears to happen to us, doesn't it? *Estimated reading time: 4 minutes* ![Looking in a life mirror is a great way to grow](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Hiking-couple-relax-against-van-door%2c-mountain-meadow-1180238464_1413x745-compressor.jpeg?width=1411&name=Hiking-couple-relax-against-van-door%2c-mountain-meadow-1180238464_1413x745-compressor.jpeg) It’s easy to feel like the quality of our life is determined by things outside our control.  But what if that's not true? What if the things that happen to us, and how we react to them, are simply a reflection of [our own beliefs](https://blog.heartmanity.com/the-truth-about-limiting-beliefs-a-double-bind)? ## What Is the Life Mirror? It’s true, the quality of your life is an inside job. You create your life one thought, one feeling, and one decision at a time—for better or for worse. Your beliefs serve as the framework for how the mind sees and translates the world. I like to call this framework your Life Mirror. As Byron Katie has said:  “The world is your perception of it. Inside and outside always match—they're reflections of each other. The world is a mirror image of your mind.” Related Reading: ["Mirror, Mirror on the Wall](https://blog.heartmanity.com/mirror-mirror-on-the-wall)..." ## The Life Mirror Never Lies What do you see when you look in your bathroom mirror first thing in the morning? The mirror never lies, does it? If you’re in your twenties, you don’t see the face of a seventy-year-old with wrinkles. If you’re a blonde, you don’t see a brunette. If you haven’t combed your hair yet, it doesn’t look like you just left the beauty salon. Well, your Life Mirror is the same. It never lies. Your inner world is reflected in what is happening around you. Learning to observe your Life Mirror and see patterns as they surface can help you tremendously in personal growth. Observing your Life Mirror will empower you to stay calmer and transform false beliefs into ones that support your best self! The Life Mirror provides an accurate compass to change your life. Paying attention to your mirror also keeps you sharp so you can avoid poor decisions and [self-sabotage](https://blog.heartmanity.com/self-sabotage-it-happens-to-the-best-of-us). Combined with the [wisdom of your emotions](https://blog.heartmanity.com/find-inner-peace-through-self-acceptance), this unique awareness provides opportunities to improve our quality of life. Recommended reading: "[Build Your Dream Life: The Science of Neuroplasticity and Personal Transformation.](https://blog.heartmanity.com/build-your-dream-life-science-of-neuroplasticity-personal-transformation)" ![Your Life Mirror can serve as a reliable compass](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Compass-compressor.jpg?width=2716&name=Compass-compressor.jpg) ## The Misconception of the Adage "Things Happen to Us." Unfortunately, most of us are quick to accept the erroneous idea that other people and circumstances force us to react or feel something (whether positive or negative), and what happens to us determines the quality of our life. It’s not what happens to us that creates the quality of the experience, *it’s how we view the experience and how we respond.* Our true power lies in how we view our experiences. When we start paying attention to what our life experiences are reflecting about our inner selves, something beautiful happens. We get better at connecting the dots and listening so that we can course-correct quickly. We begin to realize that life is one big schoolroom. Then, our experiences become a grand adventure. ### The Importance of Accepting What IS Instead of What We WANT Our pain, frustration, and angst are frequently caused by not accepting WHAT IS happening right now because we *want* something different. - We *want* our kids to behave. - We *want* to earn more money. - We *want* more love and happiness. - We *want* our boss to acknowledge our hard work. - We *want* our spouse to help more around the house. Accepting *WHAT IS* while also actively acting on our own behalf, [setting boundaries](https://blog.heartmanity.com/7-reasons-you-need-to-set-healthy-boundaries-simple-but-powerful-advice), and striving toward our goals seem contradictory at first. However, to become a better version of ourselves, it’s necessary to see *what is* in order to create something new. #### Personal Examples of the Life Mirror *Let me give you a few examples:* Years ago, I noticed that my coaching practice was filled almost entirely with risk-takers and adventure junkies. It seemed odd at first. Then I asked myself, “If my Life Mirror is reflecting this pattern for a good reason, what is it telling me?” To explore further, I observed more closely my thoughts and feelings. By observing myself like a watch dog guarding a home, I noticed that I felt an elevated excitement with a tad of jealousy when my clients told stories of their adventures. After a couple of weeks, I realized what was mirroring back: I had relinquished adventure. I had stopped skiing, scuba diving, and hiking, while also surrendering my desire to wind glide, kite surf, and skydive. Why? My business had snowballed with a schedule that no longer allowed time for adventure. And when I was younger, I devoted my passion, attention, and energy to integrating a traumatic childhood so I could truly enjoy life. *Now it was time for adventure again!* ![Woman windsurfing on a lake](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Female-windsurfer-in-the-action-000010732051_Large-compressor.jpg?width=2718&name=Female-windsurfer-in-the-action-000010732051_Large-compressor.jpg)I course-corrected and carved time in my schedule for what brought me joy—adventure. Slam dunk! Shortly after, once I invested in my personal passions, my client base of adventure seekers in my Life Mirror shifted to my next growth area. Another example is one where I observed vital Life Mirror intel within another person’s behavior. When my daughter was young, she had an uncanny knack for insightfulness accompanied by a stark honesty. One evening, during an argument, I tried to make her behavior the issue rather than admit I was wrong. She was quick to tell me, "Your feelings are not my problem." She was right. I had been trying to make her responsible for my feelings instead of acknowledging her perspective. And her comment hurt my feelings. But why was I so offended? Sure enough. My hurt had revealed worn-out behaviors that were decades old and ready to get pruned. I was an entrenched [people pleaser](https://blog.heartmanity.com/why-you-should-stop-being-a-people-pleaser), afraid to step on toes—she was not. The main reason I was triggered by her forthrightness was because I had been editing myself for decades. My daughter, with her fearless ability to see things as they were and speak candidly, mirrored my inability to do the same. My lack of assertiveness and unwillingness to be true to myself were driven by a need to be liked, to avoid conflict, to protect others from getting their feelings hurt, [over-give to appear kind](https://blog.heartmanity.com/being-a-people-pleaser-does-not-make-you-kind) and be liked. These had been ways for me to stay safe, but they had outgrown their purpose. A giant shift happened inside of me that day. And that shift enabled me to empower myself and take a leap in changing myself and re-pattern outworn patterns. ![Upset mother in conflict with her daughter](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Young-single-mother-scolding-her-little-daughter-at-home.-1159746408_1258x838-compressor.jpeg?width=1254&name=Young-single-mother-scolding-her-little-daughter-at-home.-1159746408_1258x838-compressor.jpeg) ## Interpreting Your Life Mirror for Positive Change Insight and knowledge are helpful, but if not acted on, nothing changes. In the example of my daughter’s honesty, even though it stung, I recognized that my Life Mirror was telling me to: - speak more honestly myself instead pressing the mute button. - take care of myself and do what brought me joy instead of caretaking others. - decide my priorities and set healthy boundaries for others. - be more authentic in my relationships. - live in alignment with what was important to me instead of letting others’ needs and requests override my own. So, I rolled up my sleeves and got to work on upgrading these patterns—what I refer to as self-coaching and something I teach my clients how to do. As I flexed my emotional muscles, asked for what I wanted, carved time for myself, and voiced my opinions more each day, new behaviors started to take root. They became more natural as I practiced them. Years later, they are fully integrated into my way of being. As my own advocate, this one insight transformed the quality of my life—such is the power of the Life Mirror. For a road map to stop people pleasing and to hear my full story of how I transformed the pleaser habit, check out: ["Advice from an Ex-People Pleaser: How to Stop People Pleasing."](https://info.heartmanity.com/advice-from-an-ex-people-pleaser-ebook-0) [![Yes, help me be my own best friend!](https://hubspot-no-cache-na2-prod.s3.amazonaws.com/cta/default/2012781/d4b1ec71-5e5e-42c5-9546-4f063033801a.png)](https://hubspot-cta-redirect-na2-prod.s3.amazonaws.com/cta/redirect/2012781/d4b1ec71-5e5e-42c5-9546-4f063033801a) ## Utilizing Your Life Mirror as a Daily Practice New skills take practice—whether you're playing a new sport or musical instrument, writing, or self-coaching. Changing your perspective at will is a brand-new skill for most people. This mental agility of [using our Life Mirror](https://blog.heartmanity.com/how-to-stop-complaining-an-action-plan-to-happiness) isn't something we can do instantly. Utilizing the intel from our life mirror takes practice; it doesn't come naturally since we're trained from birth to look to others for answers and approval. So be gentle and patient with yourself. Change doesn't happen all at once, but rather in small adjustments done consistently. When we practice a new skill, we usually stumble and make mistakes, but if we persevere, the change will come. And one change affects everything else. The more we pay attention to our Life Mirrors, the better we get at seeing and envisioning a new reality. Listening, opening, and growing is how we build a haven within ourselves and cultivate unconditionally loving families and communities. Try paying attention to its magic to give you an amazing compass and discover its power to transform your life. For comprehensive and personalized support to transform your life using your Life Mirror, consider our [One Year Makeover program](https://heartmanity.com/one-year-makeover/). Or if you’re looking to increase your emotional intelligence, our online course is very popular. [Check our online store today.](https://heartmanity-services-products.myshopify.com/collections/all) ### Like the article? Help us spread the word and share it! Facebook Twitter Pinterest LinkedIn **![Jennifer A. Williams / Emotional Intelligence Coach](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Jennifer%20Williams030.jpg?width=225&name=Jennifer%20Williams030.jpg)[Jennifer A. Williams / Emotional Intelligence Coach](https://blog.heartmanity.com/author/jennifer-a-williams-emotional-intelligence-coach)** Jennifer is the Heartmanity founder and an emotional intelligence expert. She has two decades of EQ experience and is the author of emotional intelligence training and courses. As an emotional fitness coach, Jennifer teaches EQ skills, brain science hacks, and a comprehensive approach that gets results. She is happily married and the mother of three incredible grown children. ### You may also like: ![What Does Empathy Mean? Why Understanding Isn’t the Same as Agreeing](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Relationship%20crisis%2c%20an%20interracial%20couple%20iin%20a%20power%20struggle.jpeg?width=250&height=150&name=Relationship%20crisis%2c%20an%20interracial%20couple%20iin%20a%20power%20struggle.jpeg) [What Does Empathy Mean? Why Understanding Isn’t the Same as Agreeing](https://blog.heartmanity.com/what-does-empathy-mean) ![When You Keep Getting in Your Own Way… Is That Self-Sabotage?](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/She-didnt-make-it-past-midnight-964894648_Compressed-2.jpeg?width=250&height=150&name=She-didnt-make-it-past-midnight-964894648_Compressed-2.jpeg) [When You Keep Getting in Your Own Way… Is That Self-Sabotage?](https://blog.heartmanity.com/when-you-keep-getting-in-your-own-way-is-that-self-sabotage) ![7 Surprising Signs You Love Yourself—and One You May Be Missing](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Young-woman-balances-on-a-tree-log-above-the-lake-000079774121_SM_Compressed.jpg?width=250&height=150&name=Young-woman-balances-on-a-tree-log-above-the-lake-000079774121_SM_Compressed.jpg) [7 Surprising Signs You Love Yourself—and One You May Be Missing](https://blog.heartmanity.com/7-surprising-signs-you-love-yourself) ![Nobody Tells You About This Part of Personal Growth and Transformation](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Annoyed-grown-up-daughter-expressing-complaints-to-elderly-mother-1208113596_727x484.jpeg?width=250&height=150&name=Annoyed-grown-up-daughter-expressing-complaints-to-elderly-mother-1208113596_727x484.jpeg) [Nobody Tells You About This Part of Personal Growth and Transformation](https://blog.heartmanity.com/personal-growth-and-transformation) Posted in [Brain Fitness, Mindfulness and Perspective](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/brain-fitness-mindfulness-and-perspective), [Emotional Intelligence & Fitness](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/emotional-intelligence-fitness) © Heartmanity 2026 [Back to Blog](https://blog.heartmanity.com) ### Free Newsletter! 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[Sitemap](https://heartmanity.com/sitemap/) | [Privacy Policy](https://info.heartmanity.com/privacy-policy) ```json { "@context" : "https://schema.org", "@type" : "NewsArticle", "author" : [ { "@type" : "Person", "name" : "Jennifer A. Williams / Emotional Intelligence Coach", "url" : "https://blog.heartmanity.com/author/jennifer-a-williams-emotional-intelligence-coach" } ], "dateModified" : "2025-12-15T20:15:07", "datePublished" : "2020-03-10T15:30:00", "headline" : "Mirror, Mirror on the Wall: Show Me How to Radically Improve My Life", "image" : [ "https://info.heartmanity.com/hubfs/Compass-compressor.jpg" ] } ```