Most people think when they please someone, their action is kind. Yes, their action may impact others positively. It feels good for a person to do things for us, to help us out in a time of need, to volunteer on a committee, or watch our kids for a couple of hours. However, if this act of supposed kindness is wrong or even hurtful to the giver, it’s not kindness. It’s people-pleasing. People-pleasing is a habit that undermines authentic connection in relationships and cuts the pleaser off from their true self, limiting individual potential. Each of us needs to set boundaries to be at our best [...]

We are all too familiar with the blame game. When we’re upset or exasperated in life, blaming our spouse, child, friend, or boss is an easy route to relief.

You know the drill: “If you wouldn’t procrastinate fixing things around the house, then I wouldn’t nag.”

Or if you weren’t so sensitive, we could discuss things calmer.”

And sometimes a person moves to name-calling: “You’re so frustrating or selfish or hurtful or ….”

Estimated reading time: 6 minutes

Is the concept of minimalism a limiting framework? To me, minimalism appeared simply to be the denial of our desires. Since our brains are built on the premise of more, better, and always transcending yesterday, the concept seemed like a trendy girdle to hold back the grand expressions of self-expression. At the very least, I viewed a minimalist life as boring because of my love affair with abundance, flow, variety, and beauty.

Whether you are aware of it or not, dysregulated emotions can hijack your energy and behavior, causing a distorted view of life's experiences.

The inner chatter driven by anxiety, emotional dysregulation, and knee-jerk reactions rarely creates good results. Understanding what's happening in your brain and learning self-regulation can give you calmer responses, reduced anxiety, and enhanced well-being.

Estimated reading time: 4 minutes

Note: In this post, when we talk about "safety," we're referring to emotional safety. If someone's anger makes you feel physically unsafe, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.

What do you do when someone takes their anger out on you? How do you handle angry people? And why do people get angry in the first place?

It's natural to have lots of questions when faced with anger, but often what we're searching for isn't answers—it's safety. Anger threatens our sense of emotional security, leaving us feeling uncertain about our relationships with others.

A pervasive pattern has quietly invaded our culture—people-pleasing. Compliance and pleasing are woven into the very fabric of etiquette and social norms. Children quickly discover that pleasing their caregivers and keeping them happy pays off and prevents unpleasant consequences.

Children need to be loved and cared for to survive; their basic needs drive them to acquiesce in thousands of ways. Adults are bigger, faster, smarter, and stronger, so it’s often futile to go against the grain. This behavior is natural for children dependent on adults, yet, when this habit persists into adulthood, [...]

Overcoming is an oxymoron. We are in charge of our lives, so when we say we want to "overcome" a bad habit, we’re actually saying that we are giving our power to something that we don’t approve of. We can’t “overcome” ourselves. Real and lasting change comes from self-love and acceptance.

So why do we keep doing things that we know are detrimental to our health?

Do you know what motivates you? Does it ever seem like some people are more motivated than others? And what's the difference between intrinsic and extrinsic motivation anyway? 

Whether you're trying to motivate yourself to write a term paper, to lose weight, or you're an employer endeavoring to motivate an employee, it's critical knowing what turns on the green light in the brain. And motivation is unique depending on temperament, values, past experience, and goals.

Estimated reading time: 6 minutes

Have you ever been in a situation where another person's behavior really set you off? Perhaps your co-worker took credit for one of your ideas, or your spouse talked over you and quickly dismissed your feelings, or maybe a good friend betrayed your confidence. You can’t contain your emotional reaction and feel justified in lashing out because of what someone else did.

Life appears to happen to us. It’s easy to feel like our quality of life is determined by things out of our control. But what if that's not true? What if the things that happen to us, and how we react to them, are simply a [...]

Have you ever had a friend or co-worker fill the air with complaints? Do you catch yourself complaining too much and wonder if you can ever stop complaining and be happy? Has negative thinking become a bad habit?

Life can feel like we're scrambling to escape an avalanche of demands and endless to-do lists. When we're stressed, it's easy to find fault or pinpoint what's wrong, but if we get in the habit of complaining, it starts to create a dark cloud around us and our lives. So how do we give ourselves an emotional reset?

Estimated reading time: 4 minutes