Do you remember the last time you felt truly alive? Not entertained, not productive, not distracted—but enthralled with life?
If you can’t recall a recent moment of joy or laughter, autopilot may be living for you. It is so deceptively comfortable; sometimes, we don’t even realize we’re operating on cruise control—even when we're miserable. Are you stuck in life? Are unconscious patterns stealing your best life? Find out how to change.
Estimated reading time: 5 minutes
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Unconscious living can silently rob us of joy and meaningful connections. Even people-pleasing, although it may seem harmless at first glance, can destroy relationships. And emotional reactions can disrupt our most cherished friendships.
Feeling stuck, no matter how hard you try, is a maddening experience. I know because I used to live there when I was young and figured out how to get off this exhausting hamster wheel.
Are you ready to wake up and create a life you love?
Autopilot Is Not the Enemy!
Understanding why it’s so difficult to move past unconscious patterns, stop feeding anxiety, and develop new and healthy habits is the first step toward change.
You've heard the saying, "We are creatures of habit" but have you really understood the power of creating habits by design?
No doubt about it: if you don't choose what habits you create, they rule your life!
We have habits (our brain on autopilot) for good reason. Autopilot isn’t the enemy—it’s your brain’s efficiency mode, pure and simple.
Autopilot conserves energy, protects you from decision fatigue, and allows you the bandwidth to focus on learning a new skill or solving bigger, more complex challenges.
Without automation, even small daily tasks, such as brushing your teeth, driving familiar routes, or responding to emails, would overwhelm your mind. Imagine if you had to learn how to walk every time you got out of bed in the morning!?.
The problem isn’t autopilot; it’s unawareness.
When unconscious behaviors run unchecked, you can drift through life (or get stuck) without noticing or choosing what truly matters.
This automated state of being is like a worn trail on your favorite hiking spot in the woods. (Our favorite is Pine Creek hike to the waterfalls.) The path is pounded down and worn smooth by repetitive use. It's much easier to walk without worrying about poison ivy, thickets, and being snagged on prickly bushes. The path feels familiar and safe (we've been there before and know the way).
Our steps are automatic (we don't have to think about putting one foot in front of the other!)—thank goodness for automation!
However, the more we travel the same path, the less we notice the scenery or the hidden possibilities just off the trail.
Unless, of course, a child accompanies you. As mighty explorers not yet dulled by automation, they eagerly inspect soft moss on trees, notice a butterfly, climb a giant rock off the beaten path or beg to visit the stream they can only hear.
Time to regain the vitality and curiosity of a child and reawaken!
One of the most powerful tools I’ve ever learned to stimulate greater awareness is seeing and deciphering our life as a mirror.
Life as a Mirror: What Your Daily Habits Reveal About You
The life mirror shows us our thoughts, emotional patterns, desires, habits, values, and where we've placed our attention.
Autopilot is your teacher, providing valuable information needed to step into intentional living. It shows us what we’ve made important through repetition, and what beliefs and unconscious patterns are in play.
Here are three examples of how we can use our daily life as if we're looking in a mirror to reveal areas needing growth.
Deep dive: "Mirror, Mirror on the Wall: Show Me How to Radically Improve My Life."
EXAMPLE 1
You snap at your partner for a mess in the kitchen and dirty clothes on the bedroom floor.
What your mirror reveals: You prioritize order and cleanliness. However, you can grow by learning greater tolerance, letting go, valuing love in the relationship over perfection, and finding joy even in imperfection.
Or maybe you resent the messiness because you're doing more than your fair share in the household. Your mirror might be telling you to set a healthy boundary.
EXAMPLE 2
You wake up in the morning, immediately reach for your phone, and scroll through messages and social media without even thinking. That habit loop isn’t just a distraction—it’s your life showing you what your attention craves.
What your mirror reveals: Maybe it’s connection you're seeking; or perhaps it's avoidance of an emotion trying to nudge you; or it could be a need for stimulation.
Your morning mindless routine reflects your unspoken priorities and what your mind seeks before it is even fully awake.
But is it serving your best life?
EXAMPLE 3
A colleague criticizes your work, and you react with defensiveness, even though deep down you know their feedback is valid and accurate.
What your mirror reveals: A strong emotional reaction has possibly exposed fears of inadequacy or a desire for approval. Your emotional patterns are holding up a mirror of your insecurities—time to build more self-acceptance and confidence.
Or when others are criticizing and judging you unfairly, the mirror may be highlighting the need to deal with your own self-condemnation and self-loathing. If we have an active inner critic, other people will show up in our lives to mirror back what we already believe about ourselves.
My husband didn't appreciate and complement me until I began to appreciate and love myself. It was an amazing phenomenon to understand that my internal experience was being outpictured in my life.
I had the power to change the quality of my relationship and life by changing myself!
And here's the really exciting news: you can automate being fully alive, mindful, and aware!
However, many people don’t realize that unconscious programming and limiting beliefs are often still in control.
Let’s explore how beliefs are formed and why they control us until we rewrite the brain’s invisible program.
If you want a fabulous book to read or listen to that will help you understand how to turn off autopilot, get "Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself."
The Hidden Chains: Childhood Beliefs and Unconscious Programming
You might think that since you’re an adult, you’re in control of your life and you’re making decisions based on reason.
However, it’s also possible you’re still operating under mental rules written decades ago.
When we’re growing up, we digest countless messages from parents and teachers, some positive, some negative or even hurtful.
The kicker is that children draw inaccurate conclusions based on their incomplete view of the world. They make many assumptions because, as children, they lack information, knowledge, skills, experience and choice. Therefore, conclusions are usually accepted without question, regardless of their inaccuracy.
Conclusions form beliefs, and the more evidence we find to confirm them, the stronger they become. Then, after being mentally and emotionally repeated enough, they become unconscious patterns, and the habit formation is complete.
These false and limiting beliefs serve as the foundation of how you view and experience the world—for better or worse. They are unconscious until explored and redefined to support the best version of yourself and future you desire.
Are unconscious childhood beliefs still running your life?
Recommended Reading: "5 Great Reasons to Use Positive Intentions in Your Everyday Life."
What Are Beliefs, Really!? And How Are Beliefs Formed?
Beliefs are mental shortcuts created by your brain for efficiency. They are formed through repetitive experiences, parental messages, societal expectations, and early emotional patterns.
Some are empowering: “I’m good at solving problems” or “I am worthy of love.” Others are limiting: “It’s my job to keep everyone happy.” or “I’m not good with money.”
Our brains adopt a programming in childhood to keep us safe and help us navigate the many challenges of growing up.
The tricky part is that beliefs feel like truth. They live in your subconscious, shaping decisions, emotional reactions, and behaviors without you even noticing.
From a neuroscience perspective, beliefs are encoded through neural pathways as we assign meaning to experiences. Over time, repeated experiences—especially emotionally charged ones—strengthen these connections, creating hardwired patterns. Whatever neurons fire together, wire together.
Here are a few ways that explain how beliefs are formed:
- Childhood imprinting: Between ages 0–5, our brains are highly pliable, with brain plasticity being at its highest, then from ages 6-12, still very adaptable, but neuroplasticity decreases as we age.
As children, we absorb rules about what is appropriate or inappropriate, what is acceptable risk versus safety, what defines success, and everything to do with individuality and relationships. Our family of origin is a microcosmic world that forms a mental and emotional map for our adult lives. - Emotional reinforcement: The brain prioritizes emotionally charged events; fear, shame, and joy reinforce beliefs more strongly than neutral experiences. If a child lacks secure attachment or experiences trauma, healthy emotional development can be thwarted, solidifying false beliefs and affecting us as adults..
- Habit formation: Repetition cements beliefs. The more you act according to a belief, the stronger the neural pathway becomes, making it automatic and feel “real” or “normal.” The more we reinforce the same neural pathways, the harder the habits are to change.
Why Old Patterns Feel Safer than New Possibilities
Our brains are wired to favor familiar patterns because predictability feels safe. Even habits or beliefs that cause stress, frustration, or pain can feel better simply because they are known to our brains.
Changing outdated patterns requires deliberate effort, consistent practice, and emotional courage.
Below are some the reasons why change is resisted and sometimes difficult.
Cognitive inertia: Our neural pathways work like well-worn hiking trails as noted above. The old paths are easy to follow, requiring little thought or energy. New trails—new beliefs, habits, or ways of seeing the world—demand focused attention, trial and error, and persistence. That’s why a single insight or moment of clarity rarely creates lasting change; it takes consistent effort to forge a new pathway in the brain.
Confirmation bias: Our minds defend our existing beliefs. We subconsciously seek evidence that confirms what we already think is true, while ignoring, discounting, or twisting information about our experiences that challenges our limiting belief.
For instance, if you tell yourself, “I’m lousy at relationships,” your brain will highlight every minor misstep, argument, and failed relationship as proof of this belief, while overlooking moments of fun, connection, and love.
Emotional attachment: Beliefs are often deeply entwined with identity. To let go of a belief can feel like letting go of a piece of yourself, triggering anxiety, fear, or even grief. Changing a core belief isn’t just mental—it’s emotional. It requires reimagining who you are and who you can be, which can feel vulnerable, uncomfortable, and even risky.
The good news?
Even though personal change may feel daunting, our beliefs and automatic patterns create a roadmap for our transformation. The very mechanisms that make beliefs sticky are the same ones that, once understood, show you exactly where to intervene.
The hope of change and transformation lies in intentionality—the conscious practice of noticing, pausing, and choosing. And it’s a skill anyone can cultivate.
Being intentional is the antidote for unconscious living!
With patience, repetition, and curiosity, it’s possible to retrain your brain, rewire habits, and begin living in alignment with the life you truly want.
How to Rewrite Your Old Programming and Limiting Beliefs
The ease of old habits and automation of beliefs is where intentionality becomes a revolutionary tool. Learning to use a growth mindset and live life mindfully—intentionally—is both a science and an art!
By noticing automatic reactions and tracing them back to their underlying beliefs and trigger points, you begin to unplug from patterns that no longer support you. You start to question what is really YOU versus what was downloaded unconsciously as a child or through traumatic events.
Raise Your Awareness
Practice Regular Reflection and Inquiry
Self-Inquiry Questions:
“Does this thought, emotion, or habit support the best version of myself?”"Is my behavior aligned with my values? If not, how do I need to change to live my values more effectively?"“Is there a limiting belief fueling this behavior? If so, what might it be?“What would life be like if I chose differently?”“What micro-action can I take to counter my limiting belief?"
Take Bite-Size Actions
Small is BIG. It's unhelpful to take giant steps to change if they're not sustainable. Begin with small, conscious experiments that contradict your outdated belief. Each intentional action gradually rewires neural pathways, creating new, empowering patterns.
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EXAMPLE:
Outdated belief: “I’ll never be disciplined enough to meditate.”
Small experiment: You set a timer for 2 minutes of deep breathing before bed each night.
Result: Consistency—not length—builds the neural pathway of “I can follow through.”
Next step: Once the habit is formed, extend the deep breathing to a short meditation, leading to longer and more rewarding meditations over time.
When you combine awareness, reflection, and deliberate action, you no longer have to be a captive of childhood programming. You step into conscious creation, choosing positive beliefs and behaviors that align with your true self, not your past.
Even ordinary moments become infused with meaning when you practice being intentional. Your relationships deepen, your decisions gain clarity, and you begin to feel more fully alive and present.
For expert coaching in repatterning limiting beliefs, reach out to Heartmanity! It's one of Jennifer's specialties.
