3 Hidden Mistakes Parents that Promote People-Pleasing Behavior in Children

July 22, 2021

People-pleasing behavior is fraught with many emotional land mines: resentment, exhaustion, losing touch with our needs, seeking to be liked while giving up our desires and dreams, repressing emotions, and the impossible task of keeping everyone happy (to name just a few). Every parent I’ve worked with who identifies themselves as people-pleasers asks, “what can I do to ensure that my child doesn’t become a people pleaser like me?” I’ve never met any parent who aspires to raise compliant pleasers.

Posted in Perfectly Imperfect Parenting, Parenting Favorites

Am I a Bad Mom? Transform Parenting Burnout to Fun, Positive Parenting

June 02, 2021

Having taught parenting classes for over 20 years and coached scores of children, parents, and families for just as long, I’ve heard many stories from parents riddled with guilt and worry. Parenting is hard enough without feeling doubt and judging ourselves. The one question that is asked more times than you can imagine is “Am I a bad mom?” or “Am I a bad dad?”

There are many versions of this concern, and it isn’t reserved for any particular developmental stage or parental season. At one time or another, every parent questions whether they are up for the job! And when doubt creeps in, it [...]

Posted in Perfectly Imperfect Parenting, Parenting Favorites

Why Reactive Parents Increase the Risk of Greater Teenage Rebellion

March 26, 2021

Do you know the recipe for keeping your relationship with your preteen and teen strong and healthy? As a parent, are you aware of the critical responses needed to support and ensure vital teen brain development? Simple and crucial parental responses can make the difference.

One of the greatest concerns of every parent is keeping their teen safe when teenage rebellion and risk-taking are prevalent. Science shows that teens rebel more when parents react and are unable to regulate their own emotions. Too often, parents engage in fighting matches and arguments, flinging reprisals and wielding [...]

Posted in Perfectly Imperfect Parenting, Parenting Favorites

Stop! These 5 Things Will Destroy Responsibility in Children

December 01, 2020

"You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today." ~Abraham Lincoln

All parents want to raise responsible, self-reliant children—but getting there doesn't happen overnight. It takes years of nurturing to prepare our kids for a life of independence. Not only do we need to actively teach our children responsibility, but we also need to model the behaviors we want to see. And it's also important to avoid making critical parenting mistakes that could undermine our goal of raising independent kids.

Posted in Perfectly Imperfect Parenting, Parenting Favorites

Teenage Rebellion Is a Cry for Connection and Love

May 21, 2020

One of the most challenging times in life is when your child hits the teenage years. Parenting teens is as much a rite of passage for you as it is for your teen. It’s when your sweet, agreeable child turns grumpy, rebellious, and pushes you away seemingly overnight.

I’ll never forget my own experience as a first-time parent of a teenager. During one incredibly difficult time, my 14-year-old son and I had just had an argument, and he had stormed off abruptly. My daughter, who was five years younger, had witnessed the whole blow-up. As she saw the tears welling in my eyes, she looked up at me [...]

Posted in Perfectly Imperfect Parenting, Parenting Favorites

Are You Worried Your Children Don't Know How to Cope?

March 12, 2020

Many parents come to me because they’re concerned about their children’s coping skills. It’s clear that a lot of parents are at a loss for how to teach their children resilience. Let’s face it. Raising kids in today’s world is tough. Tech addictions, drugs, anxiety, depression, food disorders, and suicide are prevalent—is it any wonder that parents worry?

As a parent coach, what I repeatedly see are parents who don’t know how to feel, who don’t give themselves or their children permission to feel.

Why is this a problem? Because without emotional literacy, self-awareness, and emotional [...]

Posted in Perfectly Imperfect Parenting, Parenting Favorites

The Best Way to Deal with Teenage Rebellion

April 09, 2018

Parenting today's teens is challenging. Many parents even dread raising teenagers because they've often heard negative, even scary stories over the years from other parents. As a culture, we think we've got teenagers pegged—uncontrollable, disrespectful, and rebellious. The big question is: "Is adolescent rebellion avoidable?"

If we take a moment to shift a cultural expectation and our perspective as parents, we begin to see adolescence differently. When we approach this season of their life and seek to understand a teen's needs while also meeting their developing brains with nurturing [...]

Posted in Perfectly Imperfect Parenting, Parenting Favorites

Why We Think Teenage Rebellion Is Normal

March 16, 2018

Have you ever asked yourself as a parent, "What is a normal teenager act like?" Teenage rebellion and defiance are common challenges that parents often navigate. But is rebellion normal? And what is dramatically outside the realm of healthy development and accompanying behaviors?

As a parent coach and parenting instructor, I get dozens of S.O.S. calls from parents. Let's explore the teenage years and brain development that affects behavior.

Estimated reading time: 6 minutes

Posted in Parenting Favorites

Visionary Parenting Is the Key to Capable and Happy Children

September 16, 2016

It’s easy to get wrapped up in the stress of hectic day-to-day activities with our families and children and fail to do our best parenting. Maintaining a work-life balance is tricky when raising a family and our values can get trampled by everyday demands. And we can all too easily react to our children’s testy (and testing!) behavior without even thinking.

Parenting is a big responsibility, and there are no perfect parents, so reactions are natural. However, knee-jerk reactions often give our children unhelpful messages that don't teach them how to become capable, happy adults.

Estimated [...]

Posted in Parenting Favorites

Praise: a Sweet Destroyer of Self-Esteem in Children

May 14, 2015

I came across an excellent article in USA Today, titled: "Yep, Life'll Burst That Self-Esteem Bubble," which eloquently outlines some of the flaws in the self-esteem movement that originated in the '70s and '80s. This topic caught my eye because I work with many very sincere and eager parents every day and observe how the building blocks of self-esteem often elude them. In one of my latest sessions we talked about how self-esteem is constructed and the difference between external and internal motivation.

Posted in Parenting Favorites

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