When my husband and I were first married, I was anything but pleasant whenever he called me during a workday. Interrupting my focus irritated me until I realized that in relationships and parenting, interruptions are opportunities for loving connection!
I was reminded of this bedrock of our relationship last week when my husband left the following phone message: “My heart is broken that I missed your call!” (So if you call me and get a full mailbox, it’s likely filled with my husband’s love messages saved for replaying.) The week before, he told me that his heart flutters every time he sees my car in the driveway.
These gestures are the actual chocolates of love.
Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
Embrace Your Humanness with Compassion
You can learn a simple lesson from my husband’s example.
The little things matter. Give emotional chocolates every day! When they become a habit, it's a burst of that honeymoon feeling continually.
In romance, marriage, and relationships, we too often underestimate the small actions that either hurt or enhance our relationship. Every day, we have dozens of opportunities to show our partner we care and that they are number one in our lives.
When Love is Soured by "Never Good Enough"
Last night, while coaching a couple, both partners complained about not being a priority in each other’s lives. Each had different reasons for feeling undervalued: being on their phone instead of paying attention to them and making time with friends more important than spending quality time together.
Both are opportunities for grace, renewal, and showing each other that they are loved.
If what your partner does is never good enough, it strangles the will to try.
The husband above told me recently that he is so discouraged because no matter what he does, the bar keeps being raised. Nothing is ever good enough, so why try?
Listen whenever your partner voices hurts—these are the breadcrumbs to their hearts. Show your love in the way that is meaningful to them, not you.
Just like consistent deposits in your bank account that add up and accrue interest, so do consistent deposits in your partner’s emotional bank account. And when it’s overdrawn, strife and arguments ensue.
The majority of time, effort, and energy needs to be directed toward nurturance and connection.
10 Loving Ways to Nurture Your Relationship
Nurturing a love relationship with tenderness and care can deepen the bond and connection between partners dramatically. Here are ten loving ways to nurture your relationship. Take it from me and learn from decades of a happy marriage.
1 Express gratitude frequently.
Make it a habit to thank your partner for the big and little things they do. This acknowledgment helps them to feel valued and appreciated. Gratitude is contagious… here’s the science!
2 Prioritize quality time together.
Set aside dedicated time for just the two of you. Whether it’s a date night or a quiet evening at home, focus entirely on each other without distractions. This advice might seem obvious, but you’d be surprised how many couples allow their hectic lives to disrupt quality time... way too long.
3 Communicate openly and honestly.
Keep the lines of communication open—practice ways to effectively share your thoughts, feelings, and concerns respectfully and honestly. Communication is the lifeline of every relationship, so invest in it!4 Show regular affection.
Small gestures of affection, such as holding hands, hugging, or a spontaneous kiss, can go a long way in maintaining physical closeness. And perhaps you can find out your partner’s love language and make a point of doing something special every day to nurture them in that specific way.5 Support each other’s goals
and dreams.
Be your partner’s cheerleader. Support them in their goals and dreams, offering encouragement and assistance whenever possible. This is another thing my husband does spectacularly. He is my biggest advocate and has always cheered me on without reservation. When you have a BIG why, don't let it compete with your relationship, let it enrich it.
6 Create new memories as a couple.
Engage in new activities together to keep the relationship exciting and dynamic. Whether it’s traveling, taking a class, or trying a new hobby, shared experiences can create lasting bonds.
7 Practice acceptance of
your partner’s imperfections.
Holding onto grudges can poison a relationship. We are all human and imperfect. Embracing this fact in a relationship enables us to have more compassion toward our partner.
Learn to forgive, let go, and move on from conflicts and misunderstandings. In a relationship, acceptance of faults and mistakes builds greater understanding and a quicker reconciliation when we do have a disagreement.
This increased tolerance doesn't mean that you let your partner off the hook; firmly (but kindly) hold them accountable to show up in the relationship, be respectful, and honor their love and commitment. However, far too often, couples fail to let go of past hurts or resolve conflicts effectively and those wounds discolor the present.
It's too easy to make complaining or pointing out what's wrong habitual. When needed, approach your partner with firm yet encouraging accountability and put the lion's share of your effort into growing yourself!
8 Nurture a sense of humor.
Laugh together. Laugh often. A shared sense of humor can ease tension and bring immense joy into your relationship. My husband and I have cultivated a momentum in laughter, even when we mess up. It may be our single most delightful quality—laughing replenishes us daily.
I have this little sign at my desk to remind me to lighten up and capture joy frequently.
Life is so much more fun when you don't take yourself so seriously!
9 Be mindful and thoughtful in
your interactions.
Surprise your partner occasionally with acts of kindness or small gifts that show you know and care about their likes and interests. Be mindful in your communication and choose to be more positive and encouraging. Negativity is the death knell of a healthy relationship. Complaining eats away at safety and a sense of belonging.
Choose love ... and loving.
10 Support individual needs
and personal space.
While togetherness is essential, respecting each other’s need for personal space is crucial. Encourage hobbies, exercise, and friendships outside the relationship to maintain a healthy balance.
Closing Thoughts
Implementing the above practices can significantly enhance the quality and happiness of your relationship, making both partners feel more connected and secure.
Remember, love is shown in the little things we do each day. And every day gives you a choice to love, truly love.
Leave love imprints that are keepsakes like my husband!
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