--- title: "Marriage Advice: Sweat the Small Stuff!" description: "We often hear: don't sweat the small stuff. We minimize little, unkind acts in marriage taking for granted our partner's love. Don't. Discover the cost." image: https://blog.heartmanity.com/hubfs/Young-Couple-1126222531_1258x839-compressor.jpeg --- [![Heartmanity](https://heartmanity.com/wp-content/files/heartmanity-logo-web.png "Heartmanity")](https://heartmanity.com) [Schedule a Conversation](https://heartmanity.as.me/schedule.php?appointmentType=30172362) [Shop](https://heartmanity-services-products.myshopify.com/) [Join the Community](https://heartmanitycommunity.mn.co/) [Get In Touch](https://heartmanity.com/contact/) - [Home](https://heartmanity.com/) - [Our Focus and Expertise](https://heartmanity.com/our-focus-and-expertise/) - [BrainFitness](https://heartmanity.com/brain-fitness/) - [Emotional Intel](https://heartmanity.com/emotional-intel/) - [Habits for Health](https://heartmanity.com/habits-for-health/) - [Relationship Mastery](https://heartmanity.com/relationship-mastery/) - [About](https://heartmanity.com/about/) - [Individuals](https://heartmanity.com/individuals/) - [No-Nonsense Coaching](https://heartmanity.com/no-nonsense-coaching/) - [Return to Serenity](https://heartmanity.com/return-to-serenity/) - [One-Year Makeover](https://heartmanity.com/one-year-makeover/) - Couples - [Drama-Free Marriage](https://heartmanity.com/drama-free-marriage/) - [Marriage Tune-Up](https://heartmanity.com/resources/drama-free-resources/#tune-up) - [Couples Mentoring](https://heartmanity.com/resources/drama-free-resources/#mentoring) - [Premarital Coaching](https://heartmanity.com/resources/drama-free-resources/#coaching) - [Drama-Free Weddings](https://heartmanity.com/resources/drama-free-resources/#weddings) - Parents - [HeartPrints® Parenting](https://heartmanity.com/heartprints-parenting/) - [Parent Coaching](https://heartmanity.com/resources/heartprints-resources/#coaching) - [Family Coaching](https://heartmanity.com/resources/heartprints-resources/#visits) - [WombPrints](https://heartmanity.com/heartprints-parenting/#wombprints) - [Professionals](https://heartmanity.com/professionals/) - [Heartmanity for Business](https://heartmanity.com/business/) - [Heartlead Business](https://heartmanity.com/heartmanity-for-business/) - [MomPreneurs](https://heartmanity.com/mompreneurs/) - [Resources](https://heartmanity.com/resources/) - [Heartlead Resources](https://heartmanity.com/resources/heartlead-resources/) - [Drama-Free Resources](https://heartmanity.com/resources/drama-free-resources/) - [HeartPrints® Resources](https://heartmanity.com/resources/heartprints-resources/) - [Personal Growth Resources](https://heartmanity.com/resources/personal-growth-resources/) - [Blog](https://blog.heartmanity.com/) - [Emotional Intelligence & Fitness](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/emotional-intelligence-fitness) - [Leadership and Business](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/leadership-and-business) - [Love, Marriage, and Relationships](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/love-marriage-and-relationships) - [Parents: Permission to Be Imperfect](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/parents-permission-to-be-imperfect) - [Brain Fitness, Mindfulness and Perspective](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/brain-fitness-mindfulness-and-perspective) - [Communication & Interpersonal Skills](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/communication-interpersonal-skills) - [Habits for Health](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/habits-for-health) Heartmanity's Blog Search Search - There are no suggestions because the search field is empty. Topics: Select a topic... All Emotional Intelligence & Fitness Leadership and Business Love, Marriage, and Relationships Parents: Permission to Be Imperfect Brain Fitness, Mindfulness and Perspective Communication & Interpersonal Skills Habits for Health Heartmanity Webinars, Classes, and Events Filters # [*Marriage Advice: Sweat the Small Stuff!*](https://blog.heartmanity.com/marriage-advice-sweat-the-small-stuff) You're probably familiar with the popular book, Don't Sweat the Small Stuff. Great little tips for life, letting go of the little things that annoy us or add to our stress. However, when it comes to love and relationship, this advice doesn't hold up! Read on if you want to know why. *Estimated reading time: 4 minutes (much longer to practice and master)* ![Close up of a couple holding hands.](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Close-up-of-two-girls-holding-hands-639108304_Compressed.jpeg?width=1254&height=836&name=Close-up-of-two-girls-holding-hands-639108304_Compressed.jpeg) ## Small IS Big in Relationships! To start off, let me give you a powerful example. A few weeks ago, I made a quick stop at the grocery store that turned into a lesson in love. While scanning the grocery cooler for a Greek yogurt I like, an older gentleman noticed my futile search. He was stocking the dairy aisle and inquired what I was looking for. He immediately pointed me in the right direction; I had totally missed my favorite brand because of a new packaging design. It’s called [change blindness](https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-change-blindness-2795010), a cognitive phenomenon where we’re unable to detect small or large visual changes due to familiarity. Anyway, we struck up a conversation. (My husband learned long ago that there are no quick stops for me. I almost always strike up fascinating conversations wherever I go.)  Continuing the story... I remarked to the stocker about a pattern that I had noticed with products: companies making containers smaller to save money, but not so noticeable that people realized they’re paying more. I was astonished at what he told me next. Not only did he confirm this trend, but he also shared a recent conversation he had with a distributor. The man told him that a manufacturing company came up with the idea to put just ONE less olive in each jar of olives to save money. Much to their delight, the company made *an extra million dollars that year!—*one olive at a time. ![Jars of olives with a lesson of love.](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Packed-and-ready-to-enjoy-1062092000_1258x838-compressor.jpeg?width=1254&height=836&name=Packed-and-ready-to-enjoy-1062092000_1258x838-compressor.jpeg) What does this story have to do with marriage, love, and creating healthy relationships? There are a lot of people who say, don’t sweat the small stuff and this story is a perfect example of why paying attention to the "small stuff" is fruitful in life AND relationships! Our brains work this way, too. [Small changes](https://blog.heartmanity.com/mini-habits-to-support-your-growth-and-success) done consistently invoke the greatest lasting impact. **Small, loving actions are important because they add up.** **Random loving kindness done consistently is the glue of a loving relationship. Worth a million dollars!** Related reading: ["Love Is a Choice—the Best Marriage Advice!"](https://blog.heartmanity.com/love-is-a-choice-best-marriage-advice) ## Best Marriage Advice: Make Small, Loving Gestures for Big Payoffs! Whenever I mentor couples, I’m amazed how often it’s the small stuff that starts eating away at their love. They barely remember what happened and often can’t put their finger on when the passion went on sabbatical and never returned. The little things, just like a virus, start small and grow into looming problems that go unnoticed for months, sometimes even years. OR doing the small stuff—[creating small, positive habits](https://blog.heartmanity.com/the-power-of-habit-one-habit-that-can-transform-your-life)—develops into an incredible lifelong pattern of being loving and cooperative, so both the individuals and the relationship thrive. What are the small things? Sweat the small stuff—little actions scattered throughout the week: a sincere, hearty welcome home, or not. Showing gratitude for the completion of tasks and chores, or taking their efforts for granted and worse yet, criticizing your partner. They are the small gestures of affection or lack thereof; the endearing comments of appreciation for your partner’s unique qualities, or tiny biting comments or complaints that linger for days. Honoring your partner with attentive listening or patronizing them with sapless, distracted listening. Related reading: ["Do You Want a Happy Marriage? Do These 5 Things"](https://blog.heartmanity.com/do-you-want-a-happy-marriage-do-these-5-actions)![Happy young couple enjoying a YouTube video together](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Young-Couple-1126222531_1258x839-compressor.jpeg?width=1254&name=Young-Couple-1126222531_1258x839-compressor.jpeg) ### Are You a Loving Partner? Ask these Questions: **If you want to know how you’re doing as a partner, ask yourself one or more of the following questions.** 1)   Are my words and actions creating a loving connection or distance and disharmony? 2)   Does my self-talk encourage me to be more understanding of my partner or to be more frustrated and impatient? 3)   Do I make fun, love, and closeness a priority over being right, arguing, or finding fault? Taking one olive from a jar is hardly noticeable. One sharp word can be overlooked; harshness every day degrades a relationship. One canceled date is understandable; being stood up regularly is disheartening. One night every week working late might be acceptable for a couple; working late every night and weekends exhausts the opportunity for genuine connection. ## A Lesson of Love If one less olive multiplied by many jars can reap such enormous savings for a company, then one small act of kindness can also reap significant benefits multiplied every daily for a couple. One mindful, conscious choice to make a difference in your partner’s day. One minute more of patience. One kiss added to the greeting. One smile with sparkling appreciation done once a day equals 365 smiles. More love and many more jars of olives! Related reading: ["Transform Criticism to Appreciation and Triple Your Love!"](https://blog.heartmanity.com/transform-criticism-to-appreciation-and-triple-your-love) Reach out to Heartmanity at support@heartmantity.com for the skills and support that will help you be your best self and the best partner in love. Check out [our love blog](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/love-marriage-and-relationships) and [Drama-Free Marriage page](https://heartmanity.com/drama-free-marriage/), too! Sign up for our newsletter so you don't miss these tidbits of wisdom to support you in your life and relationship. [![SIGN ME UP!](https://hubspot-no-cache-na2-prod.s3.amazonaws.com/cta/default/2012781/19c6614e-3c8e-4eea-baf8-7cd615cf0105.png)](https://hubspot-cta-redirect-na2-prod.s3.amazonaws.com/cta/redirect/2012781/19c6614e-3c8e-4eea-baf8-7cd615cf0105) ### Like the article? Help us spread the word and share it! Facebook Twitter Pinterest LinkedIn **![Jennifer A. Williams / Heartmanity Founder](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Jennifer%20Williams022.jpg?width=225&name=Jennifer%20Williams022.jpg)[Jennifer A. Williams / Heartmanity Founder](https://blog.heartmanity.com/author/jennifer-a-williams-heartmanity-founder)** Jennifer, as the Heartmanity Founder, has coached couples for over two decades. With her extensive experience and vast knowledge of emotional intelligence and brain science, Jennifer provides profound insights. She specializes in communication and teaches EQ skills needed to create healthy relationships. Jennifer is happily married and the mother of three grown children who are incredible human beings. ### You may also like: ![Is Your Relationship Communication Stifling or Deepening Your Love?](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Cosy-weekend-chats-658408252_Compressed.jpeg?width=250&height=150&name=Cosy-weekend-chats-658408252_Compressed.jpeg) [Is Your Relationship Communication Stifling or Deepening Your Love?](https://blog.heartmanity.com/relationship-communication) ![Create a Successful Marriage: Don't Compromise!](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Taking-photos-of-beautiful-nature-641236068_2122x1416-1.jpeg?width=250&height=150&name=Taking-photos-of-beautiful-nature-641236068_2122x1416-1.jpeg) [Create a Successful Marriage: Don't Compromise!](https://blog.heartmanity.com/create-a-successful-marriage-dont-compromise) ![The Grounded Connection: How to Have a Happy Marriage in a High-Voltage World](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Love-187046640_Compressed.jpeg?width=250&height=150&name=Love-187046640_Compressed.jpeg) [The Grounded Connection: How to Have a Happy Marriage in a High-Voltage World](https://blog.heartmanity.com/how-to-have-a-happy-marriage) ![How Your Phone Is Quietly Dulling Emotional Intimacy in Your Relationship](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Couple%20on%20couch%20both%20on%20phones_SM_Compressed.png?width=250&height=150&name=Couple%20on%20couch%20both%20on%20phones_SM_Compressed.png) [How Your Phone Is Quietly Dulling Emotional Intimacy in Your Relationship](https://blog.heartmanity.com/the-invisible-relationship-firewall-is-your-phone-blocking-real-intimacy) Posted in [Love, Marriage, and Relationships](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/love-marriage-and-relationships) © Heartmanity 2026 [Back to Blog](https://blog.heartmanity.com) ### Free Newsletter! 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[Sitemap](https://heartmanity.com/sitemap/) | [Privacy Policy](https://info.heartmanity.com/privacy-policy) ```json { "@context" : "https://schema.org", "@type" : "NewsArticle", "author" : [ { "@type" : "Person", "name" : "Jennifer A. Williams / Heartmanity Founder", "url" : "https://blog.heartmanity.com/author/jennifer-a-williams-heartmanity-founder" } ], "dateModified" : "2024-03-04T16:55:02", "datePublished" : "2019-09-10T21:47:00", "headline" : "Marriage Advice: Sweat the Small Stuff!", "image" : [ "https://info.heartmanity.com/hubfs/Young-Couple-1126222531_1258x839-compressor.jpeg" ] } ```