All of us seek inner peace and to make sense of our world. However, we grow up in a family culture that sometimes teaches us certain things about ourselves and the world that may inhibit a sense of peace. In our developmental years, we receive messages that cause us to believe certain feelings are unacceptable and unwelcome. Sometimes they are even shamed or punished.
So how do we free ourselves from fear and shame to become our best self?
Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
Emotional Intelligence and Inner Peace Begin with Listening to Our Emotions
In our vulnerability as children, we need to feel safe, to be loved, and to belong. Therefore, children will do most anything to get these needs met—even become people pleasers. In the process, we muzzle our true selves or disown parts of ourselves because certain behaviors and emotions are deemed unacceptable and discouraged.
To adapt, we wrap these aspects of our uniqueness up tightly and stow them away in a secret place. We cloak our authentic self to feel safe, get daddy’s approval, make mom happy, or simply avoid uncomfortable feelings.
Dysregulated feelings or dysfunctional behaviors are the results of coping as children when feeling unsafe. These experiences often form emotional and mental patterns with limiting beliefs that muffle our inner peace and joy.
So as adults, we may feel depressed at times; we can feel empty, unhappy, or afraid. We may even feel anxious and not know why. We might push ourselves relentlessly to prove that we are worthy of love. We may seek to please everyone but ourselves. Or we may be uncomfortable in our own skin.
However, your gifts and beautiful self remain securely sealed inside your own heart, beckoning to you. They are hidden, just waiting for you to unwrap them.
Learning to allow feelings that were shamed or repressed can be a challenge. Yet, feeling and listening to the wisdom of our emotions and giving ourselves permission to feel is critical for developing inner peace.
If we choose to embark on the personal growth journey of healing and integration, the greatest challenge—and bliss—is the unwrapping of these carefully protected parts of ourselves. Today, we can make conscious choices to become all that we are. We are no longer children; we have choices.
The good news is that the authentic self of each one of us is invincible. She/he has never been marred, never been hurt or harmed. Your truest self patiently waits for your gentle hands to unwrap the gifts of your personhood and integrate the wisdom gained through experiences.
And should you decide that you want to be all of yourself and live life full out, I assure you that the journey can be, will be delightful, like the excited anticipation and joy of a child opening gifts at Christmastime.
Take the risk: live an authentic life, one unwrapping at a time.
Related reading: "How to Find Inner Peace by Resolving Conflicting Feelings"
How to Be True to Yourself
Will the journey sometimes be uncomfortable? Yes.
Will it take focus and effort? Yes.
Will it require you to think different thoughts and feel different emotions and take new actions? Yes.
Is it worth it? Yes!
I invite you to think about the packages you wisely sealed long ago. For me, joy was shamed as a child and was an incredible gift to recapture. Choose one gift to open and welcome back into your life that will draw you closer to your authentic self. It's an exciting time of discovery.
Clues to Your Authentic Self!
- These gifts are often concealed in traits you most admire in others.
- The packages are hidden in unexpected places, many times in your strengths.
- Often, if you dislike something about yourself, your true self is the opposite. (For instance, you loathe your critical and harsh tendencies; the gift is compassionate, kind-heartedness to unwrap.)
- The behaviors or traits you judge in others or that emotionally upset you can be a gold mine of healing!
Remember to be gentle. These sealed gifts have not seen the light of day for a very long time. Trust me: You will be pleasantly surprised at how amazing you really are!
Take one step at a time and unwrap the goodness inside of yourself!
You don't need to walk the journey alone.
If you'd like to speed up your growth and transform your life and relationships, learn from someone who has walked this journey.
Try Heartmanity's emotional intelligence training:
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