There’s a lot of talk about how we sabotage our personal and professional success. However, the whole concept of sabotage has always rubbed me the wrong way. Are we really our own worst enemy? Do we sabotage ourselves just when we’re about to jump forward into a new level of professional success, health, or personal growth?
If we buy into the concept of self-sabotage, I think we have completely misunderstood our inner journey.
Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
If you read or listen to personal growth podcasts, you'll hear a lot about how we’re often working against ourselves and even to beware of the ego. Psychology Today even refers to self-sabotage as the enemy within. Webster’s dictionary defines sabotage as “an act or process tending to hamper or hurt.”
These viewpoints suggest that we need to be on guard, ready to protect ourselves from the invisible saboteur within us. But is there another perspective that could be more empowering?
The Truth About Sabotage— What Is It Really?
What if the behavior we call self-sabotage isn't evidence that we're working against ourselves at all? What if some of these frustrating patterns are clues that something important needs our attention?
What we often dismiss as negative or limiting patterns can sometimes offer a road map to something we haven't recognized yet—a value, need, belief, emotion, or skill that deserves our attention.
Related reading: "Self-Sabotage: It Happens to the Best of Us!"
Self-Sabotaging Examples
SITUATION #1:
Let's look at a business situation as an entrepreneur. Your business is taking off. Sales are coming in, you’re getting better visibility, and your cash flow is increasing. Everything is lined up for success.
Then, out of nowhere, you have a wave of profound doubt and overwhelm—there's just too much to do. And you're worried about spending too much time working. In fact, your partner has been commenting on your work hours. Plus, your daughter has been begging you not to miss her next soccer game.
Next, you think, "Is it really worth It!" or “I'm such a fraud... who do I think I am!?" followed by a pit in your stomach and a siren of fear shrieking.
Does any of this sound familiar?
So you put on the brakes.
You begin procrastinating by doing nonessential tasks or going out to coffee shops to "work" in a new space. Or you start having extra planning meetings and spend inordinate time on projects to make sure they are "perfect." And your business begins to stall out and revenue goes down. And you're still not finding that work-life balance!
Have you sabotaged yourself?
What if we looked at this situation with curiosity instead of accusation?
The entrepreneur's doubt doesn't necessarily mean some hidden part of them is determined to destroy their success. Their circumstances have changed. A growing business is placing new demands on their time, while relationships and family remain deeply important.
The discomfort may be telling them something worth understanding.
Perhaps an old way of working no longer fits the life they're trying to create. Or maybe something they value is competing for attention. Perhaps it's just a learning curve for this new season.
That's a very different starting point from, “Why am I sabotaging myself?”
Instead of treating the behavior as the enemy, we can become curious about what it might be revealing.
Every time we get to a new level or season of our life, we need to reassess. The transition can be a business expansion or a job promotion, a new baby, or a major move—any big change. As our circumstances change, the strategies that once worked for us don't always change with them.
What looks like self-sabotage may sometimes simply be a signal that it's time to reassess.
SITUATION #2:
Another example is the all-too-familiar desire for regular exercise and the goal of fitness. This commitment can be especially tricky with demanding work.
Imagine you’ve been doing great on your exercise program: you’re working out three times a week, you’re eating healthy meals and snacks, and you’re running regularly (or doing some other sport that you enjoy). Then—wham!
This healthy pattern begins to fall apart. You drop back into eating unhealthy but delicious food “just this once.” Then you skip a workout “just this once.” ("Tomorrow I’ll toughen back up!”) And another. Pretty soon you’re off track, discouraged, and thoroughly entrenched in your old habits—again!
Many would say that you have sabotaged yourself. Is slipping into bad habits that inner self-saboteur? We begin beating ourselves up, "What's wrong with me?"
Perhaps a more useful question than “What's wrong with me?” is, “What has changed?”
A lapse doesn't automatically tell us why it happened. Stress, exhaustion, unrealistic expectations, competing priorities, old habits, or something else entirely may be involved.
Our behavior gives us information.
Understanding what that information means requires curiosity rather than condemnation.
What If You Stopped Fighting Yourself?
The next time you find yourself doing something that seems completely at odds with what you want, resist the temptation to immediately label yourself as lazy, undisciplined, weak, or self-sabotaging.
There may be more happening than you realize.
Our thoughts, emotions, beliefs, habits, and circumstances can all influence our behavior. Learning to understand what's happening beneath the surface gives us a very different place from which to grow.
Curiosity opens possibilities that self-condemnation never will.
But recognizing that there's something worth understanding is only the beginning. Learning what gets in your way and developing the skills to respond differently takes us beyond information and into emotional intelligence.
You don't need to defeat the saboteur within you. You need to understand yourself better and learn how to respond instead of react.
That's part of why I'm creating the Heartmanity Community—an affordable, supportive place to develop emotional intelligence skills, bring real-life questions and challenges, and grow alongside others rather than trying to figure everything out alone.
The Heartmanity Community is coming soon. If you'd like to be among the first to know when we open the doors, join the waitlist.
Join the Heartmanity Community Waitlist. Email us at Mightysupport@heartmanity.com with WAITLIST in the subject line. Hope to see you soon!
