Note: In this post, when we talk about "safety," we're referring to emotional safety. If someone's anger makes you feel physically unsafe, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.

What do you do when someone takes their anger out on you? How do you handle angry people? And why do people get angry in the first place?

It's natural to have lots of questions when faced with anger, but often what we're searching for isn't answers—it's safety. Anger threatens our sense of emotional security, leaving us feeling uncertain about our relationships with others.

A pervasive pattern has quietly invaded our culture—people-pleasing. Compliance and pleasing are woven into the very fabric of etiquette and social norms. Children quickly discover that pleasing their caregivers and keeping them happy pays off and prevents unpleasant consequences.

Children need to be loved and cared for to survive; their basic needs drive them to acquiesce in thousands of ways. Adults are bigger, faster, smarter, and stronger, so it’s often futile to go against the grain. This behavior is natural for children dependent on adults, yet, when this habit persists into adulthood, [...]

Overcoming is an oxymoron. We are in charge of our lives, so when we say we want to "overcome" a bad habit, we’re actually saying that we are giving our power to something that we don’t approve of. We can’t “overcome” ourselves. Real and lasting change comes from self-love and acceptance.

So why do we keep doing things that we know are detrimental to our health?

Do you know what motivates you? Does it ever seem like some people are more motivated than others? And what's the difference between intrinsic and extrinsic motivation anyway? 

Whether you're trying to motivate yourself to write a term paper, to lose weight, or you're an employer endeavoring to motivate an employee, it's critical knowing what turns on the green light in the brain. And motivation is unique depending on temperament, values, past experience, and goals.

Estimated reading time: 6 minutes

Has another person's behavior really set you off? Perhaps your co-worker took credit for one of your ideas, or your spouse talked over you and quickly dismissed your feelings. Or maybe a good friend betrayed your confidence.

You react and feel justified in lashing out because of what someone else did. Life appears to happen to us, doesn't it?Estimated reading time: 4 minutes

Have you ever had a friend or co-worker fill the air with complaints? Do you catch yourself complaining too much and wonder if you can ever stop complaining and be happy? Has negative thinking become a bad habit?

Life can feel like we're scrambling to escape an avalanche of demands and endless to-do lists. When we're stressed, it's easy to find fault or pinpoint what's wrong, but if we get in the habit of complaining, it starts to create a dark cloud around us and our lives. So how do we give ourselves an emotional reset?

Estimated reading time: 4 minutes

When my son was only two, I discovered the power of resiliency! He and I had just picked up a vanilla sponge cake from the bakery, a special order for a friend’s surprise birthday party. I carefully tucked the square white box on the floor between the two front seats of our family minivan. Parking in our driveway, I unhooked the quick-release on my son’s car seat so he could climb down, and I got out of the van to help him out. You won't believe what I found next!

Estimated reading time: 4 minutes

When you wake up in the morning, is your mind racing? Do you fret about what other people think of you? Do you feel anxious, no matter how hard you try to stay calm?

Are you impatient with your impatience?

Luckily, the idea that you should always feel a sense of well-being and inner peace is a misconception. Life happens. Your spouse works late. Children get sick. You get a flat tire on your way to work. A friend hurts your feelings. You lose a pet or a loved one.

Feeling peaceful or having emotional well-being has nothing to do with what happens to us; it’s about learning the art of [...]

Last year was a whirlwind year. As the retrospectives start rolling in, it doesn’t take much to floor me. Did all that really happen in 2019? Has it only been one year?

Author José Saramago wrote this about time: “You never know beforehand what people are capable of, you have to wait, give it time, it's time that rules, time is our gambling partner on the other side of the table and it holds all the cards of the deck in its hand, we have to guess the winning cards of life, our lives.”

You never know what a year is capable of.

Have you ever felt the tang of saying yes when you really wanted to say no? Common responses of people pleasers go something like this: "Sure, I'd be happy to watch your dog for the weekend." "Absolutely, you can count on me for that fundraiser." "No problem—I'll help decorate the kids' lockers for the big game!" "Sure, I'll help you finish that project and stay at the office until it's done!"

It's so easy to say yes, isn't it? Before we even think about our own needs, agreement, and caring responses slide off our tongues.

Estimated reading time: 4 minutes