--- title: The Stop, Drop, and Roll of Successful Communication in Relationships description: Relationship issues and conflicts are challenging. Learn to communicate effectively with your partner and discover how to turn rough spots into closeness! image: https://blog.heartmanity.com/hubfs/Couple-arguing-in-the-morning-at-home-000075724669_Large-1.jpg --- [![Heartmanity](https://heartmanity.com/wp-content/files/heartmanity-logo-web.png "Heartmanity")](https://heartmanity.com) [Schedule a Conversation](https://heartmanity.as.me/schedule.php?appointmentType=30172362) [Shop](https://heartmanity-services-products.myshopify.com/) [Join the Community](https://heartmanitycommunity.mn.co/) [Get In Touch](https://heartmanity.com/contact/) - [Home](https://heartmanity.com/) - [Our Focus and Expertise](https://heartmanity.com/our-focus-and-expertise/) - [BrainFitness](https://heartmanity.com/brain-fitness/) - [Emotional Intel](https://heartmanity.com/emotional-intel/) - [Habits for Health](https://heartmanity.com/habits-for-health/) - [Relationship Mastery](https://heartmanity.com/relationship-mastery/) - [About](https://heartmanity.com/about/) - [Individuals](https://heartmanity.com/individuals/) - [No-Nonsense Coaching](https://heartmanity.com/no-nonsense-coaching/) - [Return to Serenity](https://heartmanity.com/return-to-serenity/) - [One-Year Makeover](https://heartmanity.com/one-year-makeover/) - Couples - [Drama-Free Marriage](https://heartmanity.com/drama-free-marriage/) - [Marriage Tune-Up](https://heartmanity.com/resources/drama-free-resources/#tune-up) - [Couples Mentoring](https://heartmanity.com/resources/drama-free-resources/#mentoring) - [Premarital Coaching](https://heartmanity.com/resources/drama-free-resources/#coaching) - [Drama-Free Weddings](https://heartmanity.com/resources/drama-free-resources/#weddings) - Parents - [HeartPrints® Parenting](https://heartmanity.com/heartprints-parenting/) - [Parent Coaching](https://heartmanity.com/resources/heartprints-resources/#coaching) - [Family Coaching](https://heartmanity.com/resources/heartprints-resources/#visits) - [WombPrints](https://heartmanity.com/heartprints-parenting/#wombprints) - [Professionals](https://heartmanity.com/professionals/) - [Heartmanity for Business](https://heartmanity.com/business/) - [Heartlead Business](https://heartmanity.com/heartmanity-for-business/) - [MomPreneurs](https://heartmanity.com/mompreneurs/) - [Resources](https://heartmanity.com/resources/) - [Heartlead Resources](https://heartmanity.com/resources/heartlead-resources/) - [Drama-Free Resources](https://heartmanity.com/resources/drama-free-resources/) - [HeartPrints® Resources](https://heartmanity.com/resources/heartprints-resources/) - [Personal Growth Resources](https://heartmanity.com/resources/personal-growth-resources/) - [Blog](https://blog.heartmanity.com/) - [Emotional Intelligence & Fitness](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/emotional-intelligence-fitness) - [Leadership and Business](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/leadership-and-business) - [Love, Marriage, and Relationships](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/love-marriage-and-relationships) - [Parents: Permission to Be Imperfect](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/parents-permission-to-be-imperfect) - [Brain Fitness, Mindfulness and Perspective](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/brain-fitness-mindfulness-and-perspective) - [Communication & Interpersonal Skills](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/communication-interpersonal-skills) - [Habits for Health](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/habits-for-health) Heartmanity's Blog Search Search - There are no suggestions because the search field is empty. Topics: Select a topic... All Emotional Intelligence & Fitness Leadership and Business Love, Marriage, and Relationships Parents: Permission to Be Imperfect Brain Fitness, Mindfulness and Perspective Communication & Interpersonal Skills Habits for Health Heartmanity Webinars, Classes, and Events Filters # [*The Stop, Drop, and Roll of Successful Communication in Relationships*](https://blog.heartmanity.com/the-stop-drop-and-roll-of-successful-communication-in-relationships) Most of us (especially parents) know what to do if our clothes catch fire: STOP, DROP, and ROLL. But do we know what to do if our relationship catches fire? Our relationship may function smoothly and harmoniously most of the time. But when a conflict does arise, we may find out that we just don’t know how to resolve it. Many times, the problem lies in our lack of communication skills. We all want to feel heard and understood. If we don’t know how to establish real connection through effective communication in our love relationship, we may find ourselves competing within the relationship for our needs to be met. #### ![Successful communication requires both the heart and the head](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/emotions-and-thinking-1005439104_2215x1357-compressor.jpeg?width=2211&name=emotions-and-thinking-1005439104_2215x1357-compressor.jpeg) #### Truly listening to each other is the essence of being in a relationship. Listening to understand, not just to get our own point across. And if you think about it for a moment, if we’re not interested in who our partner is, what they think, feel, experience, and believe, why are we in the relationship with them? This can be a tough question, but it cuts to the heart of why relationships fall apart: we forget why we are with our partner in the first place. Seeking to understand our partner is essential. At the same time, we need to be true to ourselves, too. And few people have mastered the ability to stay present to their feelings, understand the disturbance of their emotions, and know what they need when they are in the middle of a conflict. It's imperative that we use both our hearts and our head to build strong bridges of communication with ourselves and our partner. However, our default is often to try to treat our partner as we would like to be treated in a conflict. But people are all different, so we have different ways of feeling heard and loved. Your partner may want you to be quiet and listen—or to engage with them. Your partner may want you to simply respect their perspective—or give them empathy and understanding. And on it goes. Ask your partner (if you don’t know) how they want to be treated when things get tense. The golden rule doesn’t always pan out in marital conflict. ![A couple fighting and arguing in the morning](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Couple-arguing-in-the-morning-at-home-000075724669_Large-1.jpg?width=2715&name=Couple-arguing-in-the-morning-at-home-000075724669_Large-1.jpg) ## How to Communicate with a Partner about Your Needs Any attempt in resolving family conflict asks us to resolve internal conflict within ourselves first. Therefore, it helps to get in touch with your emotions and calm yourself *before* you try to communicate. Take a break and get clear. When you are triggered and upset, true connection and communication are often already derailed. We need to be ready to communicate lovingly and express strong emotions in a respectful way.  Though it is common and sometimes easier to avoid conflict or to allow conflicts to create relationship issues, it is conflict resolution that promotes understanding, And understanding paves the way to successful communication and greater emotional intimacy. Learning to effectively convey our needs to our partner is vital in building a healthy relationship, yet it is far less likely when one or both of you are upset. So take time to self-calm and get in touch with what you need. It can feel complicated to work through conflict in any relationship—even with ourselves! So, in the spirit of keeping it simple, let’s go back to *stop, drop, and roll.* If we can remember *how* to apply and practice a skill, it's much more likely we'll succeed. *![C\_Steps\_Stop-Drop-Roll](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/C_Steps_Stop-Drop-Roll.jpg?width=600&name=C_Steps_Stop-Drop-Roll.jpg)* ## Steps for Effective Communication during Conflict **STEP #1: STOP trying to get your point across.** Really, does this ever work? If your partner agreed with the point you are making, you wouldn’t be having a conflict in the first place. And if you’re *both* trying to get a point across, it’s unlikely that any real communication is taking place. **STEP #2:  DROP your defenses.** Let’s be honest here. Almost everyone is guilty at times of [defending themselves](https://mom.me/toddler/18582-if-youre-defending-yourself-youre-already-wrong/). However, if this becomes a habit and we are only trying to make ourselves heard rather than listening to our partner, it can spell the demise of closeness. Watch yourself for these common defenses: - minimizing your partner’s feelings or perspective - blocking and arguing - using zingers or sarcasm - interrupting and talking over your partner - attempting to fix or solve something without being asked - preparing a comeback in your mind so as to not be caught off guard **STEP #3:  ROLL into a safer experience of each other by asking open-ending questions.** Get curious about what your partner is experiencing. Encourage dialogue by showing them that you value their perspective. A little genuine interest in your partner can go a long way. Related reading: ["Relationship Tips: How to Handle Differences for a Successful Relationship."](https://blog.heartmanity.com/relationship-tips-how-to-handle-differences-for-a-successful-relationship) ![Happy couple piggybacking outdoors during autumn](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Happy-couple-piggybacking-outdoors-during-autumn.-469089828_2122x1416-4.jpeg?width=2120&name=Happy-couple-piggybacking-outdoors-during-autumn.-469089828_2122x1416-4.jpeg) ## Love Is a Choice! Our love relationships color our world for better or for worse. The quality of our meaningful connections and time together is largely what creates the quality of our lives. There are entire universes within each one of us. So let’s enjoy the journey with each other and remember that [love is a choice](https://blog.heartmanity.com/love-is-a-choice-best-marriage-advice) each and every moment. And it’s so much more fun and exciting than a lot of smoke and a stalemate! To get support and learn more about emotional intelligence and healthy relationship tips, [contact us](https://heartmanity.com/contact/). Heartmanity is here to help you become your best self and create thriving relationships! ### Like the article? Help us spread the word and share it! Facebook Twitter Pinterest LinkedIn **![Jennifer A. Williams / Heartmanity Founder](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Jennifer%20Williams022.jpg?width=225&name=Jennifer%20Williams022.jpg)[Jennifer A. Williams / Heartmanity Founder](https://blog.heartmanity.com/author/jennifer-a-williams-heartmanity-founder)** Jennifer, as the Heartmanity Founder, has coached couples for over two decades. With her extensive experience and vast knowledge of emotional intelligence and brain science, Jennifer provides profound insights. She specializes in communication and teaches EQ skills needed to create healthy relationships. Jennifer is happily married and the mother of three grown children who are incredible human beings. ### You may also like: ![Is Your Relationship Communication Stifling or Deepening Your Love?](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Cosy-weekend-chats-658408252_Compressed.jpeg?width=250&height=150&name=Cosy-weekend-chats-658408252_Compressed.jpeg) [Is Your Relationship Communication Stifling or Deepening Your Love?](https://blog.heartmanity.com/relationship-communication) ![Create a Successful Marriage: Don't Compromise!](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Taking-photos-of-beautiful-nature-641236068_2122x1416-1.jpeg?width=250&height=150&name=Taking-photos-of-beautiful-nature-641236068_2122x1416-1.jpeg) [Create a Successful Marriage: Don't Compromise!](https://blog.heartmanity.com/create-a-successful-marriage-dont-compromise) ![Why You Already Know What to Do—and Still Don't Do It!](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Change%20CHANCE%20to%20CHANGE%20with%20tiny%20shifts%20and%20consistent%2c%20small%20actions..jpeg?width=250&height=150&name=Change%20CHANCE%20to%20CHANGE%20with%20tiny%20shifts%20and%20consistent%2c%20small%20actions..jpeg) [Why You Already Know What to Do—and Still Don't Do It!](https://blog.heartmanity.com/why-you-already-know-what-to-do-and-still-dont-do-it) ![The Grounded Connection: How to Have a Happy Marriage in a High-Voltage World](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Love-187046640_Compressed.jpeg?width=250&height=150&name=Love-187046640_Compressed.jpeg) [The Grounded Connection: How to Have a Happy Marriage in a High-Voltage World](https://blog.heartmanity.com/how-to-have-a-happy-marriage) Posted in [Love, Marriage, and Relationships](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/love-marriage-and-relationships), [Most Popular](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/most-popular) © Heartmanity 2026 [Back to Blog](https://blog.heartmanity.com) ### Free Newsletter! 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[Sitemap](https://heartmanity.com/sitemap/) | [Privacy Policy](https://info.heartmanity.com/privacy-policy) ```json { "@context" : "https://schema.org", "@type" : "NewsArticle", "author" : [ { "@type" : "Person", "name" : "Jennifer A. Williams / Heartmanity Founder", "url" : "https://blog.heartmanity.com/author/jennifer-a-williams-heartmanity-founder" } ], "dateModified" : "2024-01-31T19:11:12", "datePublished" : "2016-08-02T20:22:17", "headline" : "The Stop, Drop, and Roll of Successful Communication in Relationships", "image" : [ "https://info.heartmanity.com/hubfs/Couple-arguing-in-the-morning-at-home-000075724669_Large-1.jpg" ] } ```