--- title: Quickly Avoid Power Struggles with Children Using Empathy description: Empathy diffuses emotions and can prevent power struggles with our children and teens. Learn how to shift impatience to an empathetic and caring response. image: https://blog.heartmanity.com/hubfs/Video-Games-849041798_2125x1416.jpeg --- [![Heartmanity](https://heartmanity.com/wp-content/files/heartmanity-logo-web.png "Heartmanity")](https://heartmanity.com) [Schedule a Conversation](https://heartmanity.as.me/schedule.php?appointmentType=30172362) [Shop](https://heartmanity-services-products.myshopify.com/) [Get In Touch](https://heartmanity.com/contact/) - [Home](https://heartmanity.com/) - [Our Focus and Expertise](https://heartmanity.com/our-focus-and-expertise/) - [BrainFitness](https://heartmanity.com/brain-fitness/) - [Emotional Intel](https://heartmanity.com/emotional-intel/) - [Habits for Health](https://heartmanity.com/habits-for-health/) - [Relationship Mastery](https://heartmanity.com/relationship-mastery/) - [About](https://heartmanity.com/about/) - [Individuals](https://heartmanity.com/individuals/) - [No-Nonsense Coaching](https://heartmanity.com/no-nonsense-coaching/) - [Return to Serenity](https://heartmanity.com/return-to-serenity/) - [One-Year Makeover](https://heartmanity.com/one-year-makeover/) - Couples - [Drama-Free Marriage](https://heartmanity.com/drama-free-marriage/) - [Marriage Tune-Up](https://heartmanity.com/resources/drama-free-resources/#tune-up) - [Couples Mentoring](https://heartmanity.com/resources/drama-free-resources/#mentoring) - [Premarital Coaching](https://heartmanity.com/resources/drama-free-resources/#coaching) - [Drama-Free Weddings](https://heartmanity.com/resources/drama-free-resources/#weddings) - Parents - [HeartPrints® Parenting](https://heartmanity.com/heartprints-parenting/) - [Parent Coaching](https://heartmanity.com/resources/heartprints-resources/#coaching) - [Family Coaching](https://heartmanity.com/resources/heartprints-resources/#visits) - [WombPrints](https://heartmanity.com/heartprints-parenting/#wombprints) - [Professionals](https://heartmanity.com/professionals/) - [Heartmanity for Business](https://heartmanity.com/business/) - [Heartlead Business](https://heartmanity.com/heartmanity-for-business/) - [MomPreneurs](https://heartmanity.com/mompreneurs/) - [Resources](https://heartmanity.com/resources/) - [Heartlead Resources](https://heartmanity.com/resources/heartlead-resources/) - [Drama-Free Resources](https://heartmanity.com/resources/drama-free-resources/) - [HeartPrints® Resources](https://heartmanity.com/resources/heartprints-resources/) - [Personal Growth Resources](https://heartmanity.com/resources/personal-growth-resources/) - [Blog](https://blog.heartmanity.com/) - [Emotional Intelligence & Fitness](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/emotional-intelligence-fitness) - [Leadership and Business](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/leadership-and-business) - [Love, Marriage, and Relationships](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/love-marriage-and-relationships) - [Parents: Permission to Be Imperfect](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/parents-permission-to-be-imperfect) - [Brain Fitness, Mindfulness and Perspective](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/brain-fitness-mindfulness-and-perspective) - [Communication & Interpersonal Skills](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/communication-interpersonal-skills) - [Habits for Health](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/habits-for-health) Heartmanity's Blog Search Search - There are no suggestions because the search field is empty. Topics: Select a topic... All Emotional Intelligence & Fitness Leadership and Business Love, Marriage, and Relationships Parents: Permission to Be Imperfect Brain Fitness, Mindfulness and Perspective Communication & Interpersonal Skills Habits for Health Heartmanity Webinars, Classes, and Events Filters # [*Quickly Avoid Power Struggles with Children Using Empathy*](https://blog.heartmanity.com/quickly-avoid-power-struggles-with-children-using-empathy) When a parent thinks of avoiding power struggles with children, empathy may not be at the top of their list. It is an underutilized response that few parents use when in conflict with their children and teens. Sometimes I get wildly angry at screens—whether an Xbox or TV—and my children’s inability to end their session the second I ask them. If I wasn't so frugally and environmentally driven, I might be tempted to throw screens out of moving vehicles and second story windows. ![Boy playing video games](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Video-Games-849041798_2125x1416.jpeg?width=2121&name=Video-Games-849041798_2125x1416.jpeg) ## Teaching Children Empathy through Modeling But then, my empathy kicks in; sometimes faster than other times. I remember what it’s like to be deeply immersed in something and suddenly asked to stop. If I’m engrossed in reading a book, texting a friend, writing a letter, or brushing my teeth, it’s unlikely that I’ll stop doing the activity at the exact moment I am asked—it pretty much never happens! So why do I expect my children to have end-screen-session-right-now skills? All children are different. Everyone’s ability to shift and transition between activities varies. One of my observations is that the more I extend empathy to my children when ending screens sessions along with giving them a few minutes heads-up as the end time is near, they are more responsive, respectful, and appreciative.  I also have learned that follow-through is essential. If I say only five minutes more, then I had better be there in five minutes to push the power button off myself or to collect the device. I used to be hesitant to set such a strong boundary for fear of tantrums, but I have to say, turning off the power, or putting my hand out to collect a device, does not generally cause conflict. Rather, it says, “I love you, I have boundaries, and the five minutes is up.” However, a crucial point in this method is making a previous arrangement with the children where we previously discussed and agreed on the consequence of not shutting down screen time when the time is up. This drastic measure of pushing the power button off isn’t dominance justified by disobedience; the response is mutually agreed upon and done in a lovingly firm way.  [Empathy is about understanding and validating another’s emotions](https://blog.heartmanity.com/what-is-empathy-and-why-is-it-important). It is not pity, it is not, “I am sorry.” It is letting the child or person know that his or her feelings are “felt” by you. #### Empathetic Responses to Children Some expressions of empathy for the above situation might sound like this: - “It’s frustrating to have to end your screen time mid-game.” - “Ending something that’s fun can really be disappointing.” - “Yeah, I know ending screen-time is a bummer.” - “It’s difficult to end a game you’re enjoying, isn’t it? ![Using empathy when setting limits](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Game-addiction-Problems-kids-with-smartphones-and-tablets-917378668_2016x1491.jpeg?width=2013&name=Game-addiction-Problems-kids-with-smartphones-and-tablets-917378668_2016x1491.jpeg)It can be challenging to drum up empathy especially when we’re stressed. Another thing that makes us revert to impatience or demanding is that many of us haven’t even received empathy or had this skill modeled for us. It can feel fake or weird to say the above statements (at least at first).  But if we can practice saying empathetic statements from our HEARTS, from a place of LOVE for our children, and from a place that says, “I want you to have fun, and it's time to quit.” Eventually empathy becomes more natural; it gradually becomes a part of our regular communication. Empathy has been around for many years, but it is becoming a more intentional piece of interpersonal relationships in our modern times. I have given and experienced empathy, and truly, it works wonders.  For more positive parenting tips or to learn emotional intelligence, check out Heartmanity's [parenting resources](https://heartmanity.com/resources/heartprints-resources/). ### Like the article? Help us spread the word and share it! Facebook Twitter Pinterest LinkedIn **![Britta Hubbard / Heartmanity Contributor](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Britta%20Hubbard%20bio%20photo.jpg?width=225&name=Britta%20Hubbard%20bio%20photo.jpg)[Britta Hubbard / Heartmanity Contributor](https://blog.heartmanity.com/author/britta-hubbard)** Britta is a Middle School Family and Consumer Science teacher empowering adolescents in personal development and financial education. Her work was featured in Dr. Harry Wong's First Days of School publications. Britta is also a parent educator. She lives in Colorado with her husband and two sons who are her greatest joy. 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[Sitemap](https://heartmanity.com/sitemap/) | [Privacy Policy](https://info.heartmanity.com/privacy-policy) ```json { "@context" : "https://schema.org", "@type" : "NewsArticle", "author" : [ { "@type" : "Person", "name" : "Britta Hubbard / Heartmanity Contributor", "url" : "https://blog.heartmanity.com/author/britta-hubbard" } ], "dateModified" : "2022-10-28T17:58:58", "datePublished" : "2018-12-06T16:48:00", "headline" : "Quickly Avoid Power Struggles with Children Using Empathy", "image" : [ "https://info.heartmanity.com/hubfs/Video-Games-849041798_2125x1416.jpeg" ] } ```