--- title: "In Marriage, for Better or for Worse: How to Increase Ease in Your Relationship" description: Marriage advice to create a healthy relationship. Enhance your relationship by learning how to replace conflict and struggle with more fun and ease. image: https://blog.heartmanity.com/hubfs/Times-of-special-bonding-508446891_Compressed.jpeg --- [![Heartmanity](https://heartmanity.com/wp-content/files/heartmanity-logo-web.png "Heartmanity")](https://heartmanity.com) [Schedule a Conversation](https://heartmanity.as.me/schedule.php?appointmentType=30172362) [Shop](https://heartmanity-services-products.myshopify.com/) [Join the Community](https://heartmanitycommunity.mn.co/) [Get In Touch](https://heartmanity.com/contact/) - [Home](https://heartmanity.com/) - [Our Focus and Expertise](https://heartmanity.com/our-focus-and-expertise/) - [BrainFitness](https://heartmanity.com/brain-fitness/) - [Emotional Intel](https://heartmanity.com/emotional-intel/) - [Habits for Health](https://heartmanity.com/habits-for-health/) - [Relationship Mastery](https://heartmanity.com/relationship-mastery/) - [About](https://heartmanity.com/about/) - [Individuals](https://heartmanity.com/individuals/) - [No-Nonsense Coaching](https://heartmanity.com/no-nonsense-coaching/) - [Return to Serenity](https://heartmanity.com/return-to-serenity/) - [One-Year Makeover](https://heartmanity.com/one-year-makeover/) - Couples - [Drama-Free Marriage](https://heartmanity.com/drama-free-marriage/) - [Marriage Tune-Up](https://heartmanity.com/resources/drama-free-resources/#tune-up) - [Couples Mentoring](https://heartmanity.com/resources/drama-free-resources/#mentoring) - [Premarital Coaching](https://heartmanity.com/resources/drama-free-resources/#coaching) - [Drama-Free Weddings](https://heartmanity.com/resources/drama-free-resources/#weddings) - Parents - [HeartPrints® Parenting](https://heartmanity.com/heartprints-parenting/) - [Parent Coaching](https://heartmanity.com/resources/heartprints-resources/#coaching) - [Family Coaching](https://heartmanity.com/resources/heartprints-resources/#visits) - [WombPrints](https://heartmanity.com/heartprints-parenting/#wombprints) - [Professionals](https://heartmanity.com/professionals/) - [Heartmanity for Business](https://heartmanity.com/business/) - [Heartlead Business](https://heartmanity.com/heartmanity-for-business/) - [MomPreneurs](https://heartmanity.com/mompreneurs/) - [Resources](https://heartmanity.com/resources/) - [Heartlead Resources](https://heartmanity.com/resources/heartlead-resources/) - [Drama-Free Resources](https://heartmanity.com/resources/drama-free-resources/) - [HeartPrints® Resources](https://heartmanity.com/resources/heartprints-resources/) - [Personal Growth Resources](https://heartmanity.com/resources/personal-growth-resources/) - [Blog](https://blog.heartmanity.com/) - [Emotional Intelligence & Fitness](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/emotional-intelligence-fitness) - [Leadership and Business](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/leadership-and-business) - [Love, Marriage, and Relationships](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/love-marriage-and-relationships) - [Parents: Permission to Be Imperfect](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/parents-permission-to-be-imperfect) - [Brain Fitness, Mindfulness and Perspective](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/brain-fitness-mindfulness-and-perspective) - [Communication & Interpersonal Skills](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/communication-interpersonal-skills) - [Habits for Health](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/habits-for-health) Heartmanity's Blog Search Search - There are no suggestions because the search field is empty. Topics: Select a topic... All Emotional Intelligence & Fitness Leadership and Business Love, Marriage, and Relationships Parents: Permission to Be Imperfect Brain Fitness, Mindfulness and Perspective Communication & Interpersonal Skills Habits for Health Heartmanity Webinars, Classes, and Events Filters # [*In Marriage, for Better or for Worse: How to Increase Ease in Your Relationship*](https://blog.heartmanity.com/in-marriage-for-better-or-for-worse-increase-ease-in-your-relationship) As a couple, have you ever wondered, "Why does a relationship has to be so hard?" Do you feel sometimes like you're raising another child instead of having an equal partner? Are you exhausted from all the talking about change, yet nothing changes? Is your spouse expecting things you don't think are fair? Do you feel guilty when you take care of yourself because you "should" be...? If you answered "yes" to even one of these questions, keep reading to get off of the cul-de-sac of human drama. *Estimated reading time: 4 minutes* ![A married couple having a fight, sitting at opposite ends of a couch.](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/This-relationship-is-not-working-for-me-anymore-1165046683_Compressed.jpeg?width=1322&name=This-relationship-is-not-working-for-me-anymore-1165046683_Compressed.jpeg) ## Loving "for Better or for Worse" When I mentor couples, they often wait too long to get support. Therefore, they've built up many hurts and grievances—sometimes for years! And each is clamoring to tell their side of the story to ease their pain. After talking about their challenges and helping them feel heard, I sometimes ask, "How would your relationship be different if it was fun and filled with ease?" Of course, they retort, "That's how it used to be!" *What happened?* Unfortunately, we ask this question thinking that we've done something wrong. Somehow we've blown our opportunity at "happily ever after." We compare ourselves with seemingly happy couples and feel like we've failed. However, couples ask the wrong questions. We've been trained by familial and [social conditioning](https://themindfool.com/how-to-understand-social-conditioning/) that no one is supposed to be disrespectful, unloving, or indifferent—those are descriptions for other people, but certainly not for those who love each other, right? Wrong. We are imperfect human beings. We're still evolving, healing past childhood wounds, and integrating experiences that have caused us to protect ourselves. We need each other to support us on that journey. Related reading: "[Do We Need to Experience Love to Be Loving?](https://blog.heartmanity.com/do-we-need-to-experience-love-to-be-loving)" ![A middle-aged, loving couple talking in the living room over coffee.](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Couple-talking-in-living-room-with-coffee-527369543_1255x837-compressor-1.jpeg?width=1254&name=Couple-talking-in-living-room-with-coffee-527369543_1255x837-compressor-1.jpeg) ### How Expectations of Our Partner Set Us Up for Disappointment One of the most profound insights I had early in my marriage was that I was *expecting* my husband to be "perfect" when I wasn't (nor is that even possible!) I *expected* him to be fully present to me when I wasn't present to him or his feelings. I *expected* him to apologize first... ha! ... but I was holding him emotionally hostage. I *expected* him to be loving and affectionate even when tired when I wasn't. This one realization changed my life and transformed my marriage. We cannot expect something we are unwilling to give. In each aspect, we must first give what we want from our partner. Unfortunately, an Olympian competition often happens within a relationship. Instead, what I learned and acted on that changed the quality of my relationship was: If I wanted to be heard, I sought to become a great listener. If I wanted to have acceptance, I released judgment and became more compassionate. If I wanted to feel like a top priority, it was up to me to make my husband a priority, too. If I wanted him to support my goals and pursuits, it was a two-way street. Expectations set us up for disappointment. Of course, in marriage, we've committed to "for better or for worse," but we *really* don't think that the worse is coming for us. We haven't wrestled with what that "worse" might look like because we have never experienced it before. So how can we know that our partner is                       until we do? Are they: - messy or a neatnik? - selfish or selfless? - an extravagant spender or an ardent saver? - a workaholic or passionately following their dream? - depressed or an energizing bunny? - [a people-pleaser](https://blog.heartmanity.com/how-being-compliant-and-a-people-pleaser-destroys-marriages) or someone who leans into conflict? - adventure junkie or a Netflix binger? The list goes on. Aww... the honeymoon feelings that cloak all our human foibles! We adore the person and bask in the light of their ideal self as we see them. Until we don't. Until life greets us with day-to-day challenges and "for better or for worse." ![C\_Love2](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/C_Love2.jpg?width=600&name=C_Love2.jpg) Love isn't convenient much of the time. Love requires us to look beyond our partner's idiosyncrasies and shortcomings. Love is sometimes fierce and sometimes tender. Love must set healthy boundaries to develop a healthy relationship. Love means self-care as much as partner care. [Love is a choice](https://blog.heartmanity.com/love-is-a-choice-best-marriage-advice) moment by moment. Related reading: "[If You Want a Successful Marriage, Increase Self-Mastery](https://blog.heartmanity.com/if-you-want-a-successful-marriage-increase-self-mastery)" ![A young couple having a special bonding moment.](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Times-of-special-bonding-508446891_Compressed.jpeg?width=1258&name=Times-of-special-bonding-508446891_Compressed.jpeg) #### Celebrate Imperfect Love as You Grow Together Ease and light-heartedness accompany a relationship when we exchange judgment for curiosity, blame for vulnerable compassion, and expectations (or entitlement) for [intentional loving](https://blog.heartmanity.com/the-best-marriage-advice-an-intentional-marriage-is-a-happy-marriage). Relationship and marriage take intentional love and attention to keep the honeymoon feelings going. Take it from me after decades of a happy, thriving marriage: - Don't sweat the small stuff! - Keep your eye on what you love about your partner. - Nurture each other. - Make date night a priority to rekindle the fires of love. - Mix it up when life gets too routine. Become everything you say you want in your partner. Set your focus on increasing love and understanding. Whatever you hear yourself desiring from your partner, work at growing in yourself! Whether that quality is attentiveness, fun, compassion, humility, a good listener, appreciative, a responsible financial manager, kind, or honest. Relationships take work. Roll up your sleeves and have fun with the journey ahead! For more great tips for achieving a thriving relationship, check out our newsletter. [![New Call-to-action](https://hubspot-no-cache-na2-prod.s3.amazonaws.com/cta/default/2012781/f0e8216c-0737-4ab2-bbbe-f7aed6ab7ed1.png)](https://hubspot-cta-redirect-na2-prod.s3.amazonaws.com/cta/redirect/2012781/f0e8216c-0737-4ab2-bbbe-f7aed6ab7ed1) ### Like the article? Help us spread the word and share it! Facebook Twitter Pinterest LinkedIn **![Jennifer A. Williams / Heartmanity Founder](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Jennifer%20Williams022.jpg?width=225&name=Jennifer%20Williams022.jpg)[Jennifer A. Williams / Heartmanity Founder](https://blog.heartmanity.com/author/jennifer-a-williams-heartmanity-founder)** Jennifer, as the Heartmanity Founder, has coached couples for over two decades. With her extensive experience and vast knowledge of emotional intelligence and brain science, Jennifer provides profound insights. She specializes in communication and teaches EQ skills needed to create healthy relationships. Jennifer is happily married and the mother of three grown children who are incredible human beings. ### You may also like: ![Is Your Relationship Communication Stifling or Deepening Your Love?](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Cosy-weekend-chats-658408252_Compressed.jpeg?width=250&height=150&name=Cosy-weekend-chats-658408252_Compressed.jpeg) [Is Your Relationship Communication Stifling or Deepening Your Love?](https://blog.heartmanity.com/relationship-communication) ![Create a Successful Marriage: Don't Compromise!](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Taking-photos-of-beautiful-nature-641236068_2122x1416-1.jpeg?width=250&height=150&name=Taking-photos-of-beautiful-nature-641236068_2122x1416-1.jpeg) [Create a Successful Marriage: Don't Compromise!](https://blog.heartmanity.com/create-a-successful-marriage-dont-compromise) ![The Grounded Connection: How to Have a Happy Marriage in a High-Voltage World](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Love-187046640_Compressed.jpeg?width=250&height=150&name=Love-187046640_Compressed.jpeg) [The Grounded Connection: How to Have a Happy Marriage in a High-Voltage World](https://blog.heartmanity.com/how-to-have-a-happy-marriage) ![How Your Phone Is Quietly Dulling Emotional Intimacy in Your Relationship](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Couple%20on%20couch%20both%20on%20phones_SM_Compressed.png?width=250&height=150&name=Couple%20on%20couch%20both%20on%20phones_SM_Compressed.png) [How Your Phone Is Quietly Dulling Emotional Intimacy in Your Relationship](https://blog.heartmanity.com/the-invisible-relationship-firewall-is-your-phone-blocking-real-intimacy) Posted in [Love, Marriage, and Relationships](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/love-marriage-and-relationships) © Heartmanity 2026 [Back to Blog](https://blog.heartmanity.com) ### Free Newsletter! 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[Sitemap](https://heartmanity.com/sitemap/) | [Privacy Policy](https://info.heartmanity.com/privacy-policy) ```json { "@context" : "https://schema.org", "@type" : "NewsArticle", "author" : [ { "@type" : "Person", "name" : "Jennifer A. Williams / Heartmanity Founder", "url" : "https://blog.heartmanity.com/author/jennifer-a-williams-heartmanity-founder" } ], "dateModified" : "2022-07-22T03:21:04", "datePublished" : "2022-03-14T15:30:00", "headline" : "In Marriage, for Better or for Worse: How to Increase Ease in Your Relationship", "image" : [ "https://info.heartmanity.com/hubfs/Times-of-special-bonding-508446891_Compressed.jpeg" ] } ```