How to Change Habits and Create a Life You Love!

There is a lot of talk about creating a life you love. The internet is a smorgasbord of information about how to change our lives from topics such as “How to Attract Your Soul Mate” to scientific articles on “Change Your Brain and Transform Your Life.” And just like overeating at a giant buffet, if you consume too much, the result is indigestion.

Often clients come to me for coaching with the indigestion of overload and confusion. Why? Because too much information often causes paralysis. Mental indigestion is a problem of too much. It’s impossible to act on everything, so an overwhelmed person does nothing.

Man surfing social media and the internetNo matter how powerful an idea or how much science backs that idea, nothing changes unless you apply and exercise insight or desire. Just like the aim of getting your body in shape at the gym, unless you show up and work out, your body won’t get stronger.

Transformation and permanent change require consistent action. And real change is oh so much harder than discussing the latest trend, watching a YouTube video that’s gone viral, or listening to the newest podcast.

No matter how much you read, learn or discuss, it isn’t how much you know; it’s how much of that knowledge you’re living effectively. We can know volumes, but if we don’t live the know-how, it never comes to fruition. And filling up your mind with more and more information can give the illusion that you’re changing when you’re not.

Change can only happen when you act on what you know.

Let’s boil positive change down to bare bones so you can roll up your sleeves and begin.

One critical ingredient of lasting change is focused attention on the right actions. However, how can we know the right actions unless we know what we want?

Waitress serving a couple at a restaurantHere’s a metaphor. You’re eating at a restaurant, and the waitress approaches your table asking what you’d like to order. Would you say, “Give me last week’s special.” Or “Please just pick something for me.”? Probably not. Why? Because you might get a meal you dislike, one that you can’t afford, or a food you’re allergic to!

You need to decide what you want. What does an ideal life look like to you? For one person, it might be traveling a lot and living simply; for another, it could be financial security and a beautiful home. The clearer you become, the faster you can create a life you love.

You  Must  Know  What   You  Want  Before   Creating  What  You  Want.

So, stop for a moment and ask yourself: “What do I want?” Be specific and elaborate in great detail.

Once you’ve defined what you want, it’s helpful to find the ways you’re working against yourself. What are you doing, not doing, or tolerating that is contradictory to what you want?

For instance, if you want inner peace, negative and critical self-talk is contradictory to cultivating a state of inner calm. Start replacing judging thoughts with more encouraging and accepting ones. Perhaps begin a meditation practice.

If you want financial security, find those places where you’re not living congruently with that desire, i.e., overspending, not saving, or postponing that conversation for a raise or promotion at your job. Each small improvement gets you closer to your goal.

You may need to observe yourself for a week or two. Self-discovery provides insightful answers and a phenomenal place to get to work.

By eliminating these contradictory habits, you’re halfway to new habits that support your desired outcome. And as the process gets more natural for you, the thoughts, emotions, and actions required to support and align with your new desire become more evident, too.

Take small steps at first. People working out on treadmill at a gym As momentum and confidence build, take more targeted and powerful actions with even more focused attention.

Then ask again, “What else can I do to support this desire, goal or dream?”

Take action on what you know. Then practice and repeat until automatic.

Be the architect of your life. Design it, plan for it, visualize it and feel your life as if it’s already here! Keep this process going until you’re in love with your life. 

Creating a life you love IS possible—with the right ACTION guided by the fuel of your desires!

If you'd like to learn more about emotional intelligence or get personalized support to create a thriving life, contact us today.

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Jennifer A. Williams / Emotional Fitness TrainerJennifer A. Williams / Emotional Fitness Trainer
Jennifer’s passion is to help people create thriving relationships first with themselves, and then with each other. She teaches emotional intelligence skills and a proven step-by-step process that removes the obstacles to growth, loving connection, and communication. Her popular One Year Makeover and Return to Serenity programs provide a personalized approach to transformation. Her understanding of brain science strategically reshapes a person’s pain into power while restoring inner peace and well-being through a fun and remarkable learning experience. Jennifer is happily married to her beloved husband of 39 years and is the mother of three grown children.

Posted in Brain Fitness, Mindfulness and Perspective