--- title: "Conflict in Marriage: How to Communicate with Your Spouse" description: Communication is one of the greatest keys to success in marriage. True love requires us to value our partner's ideas and experiences more than being right. image: https://blog.heartmanity.com/hubfs/Couple-talking-in-living-room-with-coffee-527369543_1255x837-compressor.jpeg --- [![Heartmanity](https://heartmanity.com/wp-content/files/heartmanity-logo-web.png "Heartmanity")](https://heartmanity.com) [Schedule a Conversation](https://heartmanity.as.me/schedule.php?appointmentType=30172362) [Shop](https://heartmanity-services-products.myshopify.com/) [Join the Community](https://heartmanitycommunity.mn.co/) [Get In Touch](https://heartmanity.com/contact/) - [Home](https://heartmanity.com/) - [Our Focus and Expertise](https://heartmanity.com/our-focus-and-expertise/) - [BrainFitness](https://heartmanity.com/brain-fitness/) - [Emotional Intel](https://heartmanity.com/emotional-intel/) - [Habits for Health](https://heartmanity.com/habits-for-health/) - [Relationship Mastery](https://heartmanity.com/relationship-mastery/) - [About](https://heartmanity.com/about/) - [Individuals](https://heartmanity.com/individuals/) - [No-Nonsense Coaching](https://heartmanity.com/no-nonsense-coaching/) - [Return to Serenity](https://heartmanity.com/return-to-serenity/) - [One-Year Makeover](https://heartmanity.com/one-year-makeover/) - Couples - [Drama-Free Marriage](https://heartmanity.com/drama-free-marriage/) - [Marriage Tune-Up](https://heartmanity.com/resources/drama-free-resources/#tune-up) - [Couples Mentoring](https://heartmanity.com/resources/drama-free-resources/#mentoring) - [Premarital Coaching](https://heartmanity.com/resources/drama-free-resources/#coaching) - [Drama-Free Weddings](https://heartmanity.com/resources/drama-free-resources/#weddings) - Parents - [HeartPrints® Parenting](https://heartmanity.com/heartprints-parenting/) - [Parent Coaching](https://heartmanity.com/resources/heartprints-resources/#coaching) - [Family Coaching](https://heartmanity.com/resources/heartprints-resources/#visits) - [WombPrints](https://heartmanity.com/heartprints-parenting/#wombprints) - [Professionals](https://heartmanity.com/professionals/) - [Heartmanity for Business](https://heartmanity.com/business/) - [Heartlead Business](https://heartmanity.com/heartmanity-for-business/) - [MomPreneurs](https://heartmanity.com/mompreneurs/) - [Resources](https://heartmanity.com/resources/) - [Heartlead Resources](https://heartmanity.com/resources/heartlead-resources/) - [Drama-Free Resources](https://heartmanity.com/resources/drama-free-resources/) - [HeartPrints® Resources](https://heartmanity.com/resources/heartprints-resources/) - [Personal Growth Resources](https://heartmanity.com/resources/personal-growth-resources/) - [Blog](https://blog.heartmanity.com/) - [Emotional Intelligence & Fitness](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/emotional-intelligence-fitness) - [Leadership and Business](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/leadership-and-business) - [Love, Marriage, and Relationships](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/love-marriage-and-relationships) - [Parents: Permission to Be Imperfect](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/parents-permission-to-be-imperfect) - [Brain Fitness, Mindfulness and Perspective](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/brain-fitness-mindfulness-and-perspective) - [Communication & Interpersonal Skills](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/communication-interpersonal-skills) - [Habits for Health](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/habits-for-health) Heartmanity's Blog Search Search - There are no suggestions because the search field is empty. Topics: Select a topic... All Emotional Intelligence & Fitness Leadership and Business Love, Marriage, and Relationships Parents: Permission to Be Imperfect Brain Fitness, Mindfulness and Perspective Communication & Interpersonal Skills Habits for Health Heartmanity Webinars, Classes, and Events Filters # [*Conflict in Marriage: How to Communicate with Your Spouse*](https://blog.heartmanity.com/conflict-in-marriage-how-to-communicate-with-your-spouse) In a loving relationship or marriage, there are certain critical keys that open the door to more love. And it is communication in marriage more than anything else that makes or breaks a relationship. We all have a deep need to feel heard and understood. Though this need is vital, it can often interfere with our ability to truly hear our partner, especially at heated moments. After several decades of marriage, I have found that keeping my mouth closed and my ears wide open helps immensely to carve the way to rich and robust communication. ![Love in marriage requires effective communication](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Valentine-day-background-in-beautiful-style-on-dark-wooden-background-1197250872_1257x838-compressor-1.jpeg?width=1254&name=Valentine-day-background-in-beautiful-style-on-dark-wooden-background-1197250872_1257x838-compressor-1.jpeg)Many years ago, my husband and I were having a conversation in which he was revealing something that had happened during his day and how it impacted him. I listened and then responded in a way that led us down a different path than the subject he had initiated. Abruptly, he turned to me and said, "It always ends up being about you, doesn't it?" I was totally unaware until that moment that I had cut him off inadvertently. His comment may have hurt at the time but it was a very important lesson for me and he was right. After getting over the tinge of hurt, a light bulb switched on in my heart and head. I realized how much I was limiting our relationship by my unconscious habit of dominating our conversations. This propensity denied me the opportunity to *really* know and appreciate my husband, the person I claimed to love most. Sometimes we're just too full of ourselves to have any room for those we love. When we are talking or intent on sharing our own ideas and opinions, we are often unable to truly understand or appreciate what the other person is trying to convey. We then miss the chance to be enriched by the insights and musings of the other person's private universe. Related reading: "[How to Improve Communication to Create Drama-Free Marriage](https://blog.heartmanity.com/how-to-improve-communication-to-create-a-drama-free-marriage)." ![Effective communication in marriage is the foundation to success](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Couple-talking-in-living-room-with-coffee-527369543_1255x837-compressor.jpeg?width=600&name=Couple-talking-in-living-room-with-coffee-527369543_1255x837-compressor.jpeg) ## How to Communicate Effectively in a Relationship Ask yourself, "Am I competing with my partner to be heard?" When working with clients, many times I tell them that if you don't feel heard, you're not listening. Immediately there is great objection. They defend themselves by saying things like "Don't I deserve to be heard?" or "Why should I listen to someone who is unwilling to listen to me?" It seems like an oxymoron, doesn't it? However, we cannot understand another person without listening to their thoughts, feelings, opinions, concerns, values, desires, and dreams. It takes some [mindfulness](https://blog.heartmanity.com/3-mindful-ways-to-communicate-better-in-a-relationship) and self-control at first. There were—and occasionally still are—times I have to bite my tongue as a reminder to stay quiet. At the gate of my mind, there is a rushing torrent of ideas eagerly pushing me to blurt out words. However, when I refrain, the rewards are exhilarating and the mental and emotional intimacy very fulfilling. And whatever we practice gets easier. Related reading: "[The Best Marriage Advice: An Intentional Marriage Is a Happy Marriage](https://blog.heartmanity.com/the-best-marriage-advice-an-intentional-marriage-is-a-happy-marriage)." ### An Experiment in Listening **Try this experiment for a month:** Every time you feel unheard by your partner, stop and ask yourself, "How well have I been listening?" or "How have I been shutting my partner down lately?" The answers will surprise you. Then create an opportunity to sit for conversation and sincerely show interest and appreciation for your partner. Empty yourself of what *you* want to say and truly listen. Attentive listening is key to communicating effectively with your partner. Now, enjoy the closeness that will magically blossom in your relationship. After all, as the saying goes, there's a reason why we have two ears and only one mouth. Find more love in your relationship immediately by shutting your mouth and opening your ears. The simple act of closing your mouth can reap some profound rewards! If you'd like marriage coaching or relationship help, email us at  support@heartmanity.com. And sign up for Heartmanity's newsletter to get more great relationship tips and marriage advice. [![New Call-to-action](https://hubspot-no-cache-na2-prod.s3.amazonaws.com/cta/default/2012781/f0e8216c-0737-4ab2-bbbe-f7aed6ab7ed1.png)](https://hubspot-cta-redirect-na2-prod.s3.amazonaws.com/cta/redirect/2012781/f0e8216c-0737-4ab2-bbbe-f7aed6ab7ed1) ### Like the article? Help us spread the word and share it! Facebook Twitter Pinterest LinkedIn **![Jennifer A. Williams / Heartmanity Founder](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Jennifer%20Williams022.jpg?width=225&name=Jennifer%20Williams022.jpg)[Jennifer A. Williams / Heartmanity Founder](https://blog.heartmanity.com/author/jennifer-a-williams-heartmanity-founder)** Jennifer, as the Heartmanity Founder, has coached couples for over two decades. With her extensive experience and vast knowledge of emotional intelligence and brain science, Jennifer provides profound insights. She specializes in communication and teaches EQ skills needed to create healthy relationships. Jennifer is happily married and the mother of three grown children who are incredible human beings. ### You may also like: ![Is Your Relationship Communication Stifling or Deepening Your Love?](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Cosy-weekend-chats-658408252_Compressed.jpeg?width=250&height=150&name=Cosy-weekend-chats-658408252_Compressed.jpeg) [Is Your Relationship Communication Stifling or Deepening Your Love?](https://blog.heartmanity.com/relationship-communication) ![Create a Successful Marriage: Don't Compromise!](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Taking-photos-of-beautiful-nature-641236068_2122x1416-1.jpeg?width=250&height=150&name=Taking-photos-of-beautiful-nature-641236068_2122x1416-1.jpeg) [Create a Successful Marriage: Don't Compromise!](https://blog.heartmanity.com/create-a-successful-marriage-dont-compromise) ![The Grounded Connection: How to Have a Happy Marriage in a High-Voltage World](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Love-187046640_Compressed.jpeg?width=250&height=150&name=Love-187046640_Compressed.jpeg) [The Grounded Connection: How to Have a Happy Marriage in a High-Voltage World](https://blog.heartmanity.com/how-to-have-a-happy-marriage) ![How Your Phone Is Quietly Dulling Emotional Intimacy in Your Relationship](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Couple%20on%20couch%20both%20on%20phones_SM_Compressed.png?width=250&height=150&name=Couple%20on%20couch%20both%20on%20phones_SM_Compressed.png) [How Your Phone Is Quietly Dulling Emotional Intimacy in Your Relationship](https://blog.heartmanity.com/the-invisible-relationship-firewall-is-your-phone-blocking-real-intimacy) Posted in [Love, Marriage, and Relationships](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/love-marriage-and-relationships) © Heartmanity 2026 [Back to Blog](https://blog.heartmanity.com) ### Free Newsletter! 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[Sitemap](https://heartmanity.com/sitemap/) | [Privacy Policy](https://info.heartmanity.com/privacy-policy) ```json { "@context" : "https://schema.org", "@type" : "NewsArticle", "author" : [ { "@type" : "Person", "name" : "Jennifer A. Williams / Heartmanity Founder", "url" : "https://blog.heartmanity.com/author/jennifer-a-williams-heartmanity-founder" } ], "dateModified" : "2021-11-18T02:12:05", "datePublished" : "2019-06-11T19:30:00", "headline" : "Conflict in Marriage: How to Communicate with Your Spouse", "image" : [ "https://info.heartmanity.com/hubfs/Couple-talking-in-living-room-with-coffee-527369543_1255x837-compressor.jpeg" ] } ```