--- title: "GEMS: Tuning in to the Present" description: Research shows by giving genuine encounter moments (GEMS), misbehavior decreases, and self-esteem increases. Learn to enhance your child's self-esteem. image: https://blog.heartmanity.com/hubfs/GEM_Pinterest-1.jpg --- [![Heartmanity](https://heartmanity.com/wp-content/files/heartmanity-logo-web.png "Heartmanity")](https://heartmanity.com) [Schedule a Conversation](https://heartmanity.as.me/schedule.php?appointmentType=30172362) [Shop](https://heartmanity-services-products.myshopify.com/) [Get In Touch](https://heartmanity.com/contact/) - [Home](https://heartmanity.com/) - [Our Focus and Expertise](https://heartmanity.com/our-focus-and-expertise/) - [BrainFitness](https://heartmanity.com/brain-fitness/) - [Emotional Intel](https://heartmanity.com/emotional-intel/) - [Habits for Health](https://heartmanity.com/habits-for-health/) - [Relationship Mastery](https://heartmanity.com/relationship-mastery/) - [About](https://heartmanity.com/about/) - [Individuals](https://heartmanity.com/individuals/) - [No-Nonsense Coaching](https://heartmanity.com/no-nonsense-coaching/) - [Return to Serenity](https://heartmanity.com/return-to-serenity/) - [One-Year Makeover](https://heartmanity.com/one-year-makeover/) - Couples - [Drama-Free Marriage](https://heartmanity.com/drama-free-marriage/) - [Marriage Tune-Up](https://heartmanity.com/resources/drama-free-resources/#tune-up) - [Couples Mentoring](https://heartmanity.com/resources/drama-free-resources/#mentoring) - [Premarital Coaching](https://heartmanity.com/resources/drama-free-resources/#coaching) - [Drama-Free Weddings](https://heartmanity.com/resources/drama-free-resources/#weddings) - Parents - [HeartPrints® Parenting](https://heartmanity.com/heartprints-parenting/) - [Parent Coaching](https://heartmanity.com/resources/heartprints-resources/#coaching) - [Family Coaching](https://heartmanity.com/resources/heartprints-resources/#visits) - [WombPrints](https://heartmanity.com/heartprints-parenting/#wombprints) - [Professionals](https://heartmanity.com/professionals/) - [Heartmanity for Business](https://heartmanity.com/business/) - [Heartlead Business](https://heartmanity.com/heartmanity-for-business/) - [MomPreneurs](https://heartmanity.com/mompreneurs/) - [Resources](https://heartmanity.com/resources/) - [Heartlead Resources](https://heartmanity.com/resources/heartlead-resources/) - [Drama-Free Resources](https://heartmanity.com/resources/drama-free-resources/) - [HeartPrints® Resources](https://heartmanity.com/resources/heartprints-resources/) - [Serenity Resources](https://heartmanity.com/resources/serenity-resources/) - [Blog](https://blog.heartmanity.com/) - [Emotional Intelligence & Fitness](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/emotional-intelligence-fitness) - [Leadership and Business](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/leadership-and-business) - [Love, Marriage, and Relationships](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/love-marriage-and-relationships) - [Parents: Permission to Be Imperfect](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/parents-permission-to-be-imperfect) - [Brain Fitness, Mindfulness and Perspective](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/brain-fitness-mindfulness-and-perspective) - [Communication & Interpersonal Skills](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/communication-interpersonal-skills) - [Habits for Health](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/habits-for-health) Heartmanity's Blog Search Search - There are no suggestions because the search field is empty. Topics: Select a topic... All Emotional Intelligence & Fitness Leadership and Business Love, Marriage, and Relationships Parents: Permission to Be Imperfect Brain Fitness, Mindfulness and Perspective Communication & Interpersonal Skills Habits for Health Heartmanity Webinars, Classes, and Events Filters # [*GEMS: Tuning in to the Present*](https://blog.heartmanity.com/blog/2012/09/gems-tuning-in-to-the-present/) How often do you actually stop what you’re doing and look someone in the eye when they’re talking to you, truly listening to every word? I’m betting, if you’re anything like me, with very little free time and little kids running around your house, that it’s not very often. Here are some common scenarios for me: My first grader is tugging at my jeans and telling a story while I’m chopping some vegetables and asking the other one to get off the dining room table. I can barely hear what the story was even about. “Oh, that sounds cool,” I say pretending I caught it all. ![Busy Mom preparing dinner](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Busy-Mother-Organizing-Children-At-Breakfast-In-Kitchen-607283594_1963x1531-1.jpeg?width=1961&name=Busy-Mother-Organizing-Children-At-Breakfast-In-Kitchen-607283594_1963x1531-1.jpeg)My husband walks in the door from work, and launches into a story about his day while I’m throwing something in the oven and wiping up our cat’s latest hairball. “Oh, that sounds cool,” I say, while picturing what I’m going to make for dinner tomorrow night. A co-worker walks into my office while I’m deep into writing and tells me a story about their kids first day of school. “Oh, that sounds cool,” I say, thinking about the next line I’m going to write. But what actually happened is that now whenever I say, “Oh, that sounds cool,” everyone in my family knows I haven’t heard one word. I’ve been busted. I even tried another line: “Wow!” but that only lasted for a couple days. Not long after I was outed, my husband and I took Jennifer William’s class called [Redirecting Children’s Behavior](https://heartmanity.com/resources/heartprints-resources/). We learned many things, but there was one that I especially latched onto—something I now try to use not just with my children, but also in many different relationships. It’s called Genuine Encounter Moments (GEMS), often described as focused attention.  ![Steps for a genuine encounter moment](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/GEM_Pinterest-1.jpg?width=900&name=GEM_Pinterest-1.jpg)Here’s how it works in real life: Your kid comes up and tugs on your leg, wanting your attention. You put down what you’re doing, get down to his level, look him in the eye, put your hand gently on his shoulder, and listen attentively and genuinely to what he wants. What this does is help your child feel important and valuable, boosting his/her self-esteem. Since they get very little focused attention throughout a day, this is like filling their cup. And the more you do it, the less likely they are to use misbehaviors to get your attention. ![Mother listening and tickling her son](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Mother-Daughter-Love-802798974_2125x1417.jpeg?width=2121&name=Mother-Daughter-Love-802798974_2125x1417.jpeg)The first time I tried a GEM with my son, I thought he was going to faint. He was kind of weirded out that I was actually listening and looking at him on his level. But there was no denying that he liked it—it visibly made him feel good, and I knew this was going to be a useful tool. I soon realized that GEMS don’t just work with children, but with other people in my life who also deserve my attention, from the husband and friends to the coworkers. I can use it in a different way—like I don’t have to crouch down and touch them or I might really weird them out—but I can take the time to actually look them in the eye and listen, even if it’s for a moment. But it’s important to be realistic; there are some moments when mama just can’t be messed with. There are times when I’m under deadline, and I can’t chat. But even if I can use GEMS a few times a day, I’ve noticed that it makes a big difference in my relationships, while also helping me tune back in to the present moment. I realize I’ve actually missed the present moment, and it’s good to be back! ### Like the article? Help us spread the word and share it! Facebook Twitter Pinterest LinkedIn **![Guest Blogger: Corinne Garcia](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Fr-image-heartmanity/heartmanity-icon.png?width=225&name=heartmanity-icon.png)[Guest Blogger: Corinne Garcia](https://blog.heartmanity.com/author/guest-blogger-corinne-garcia)** Corinne Garcia is a freelance writer for a wide range of websites and magazines, from Marie Claire and Country Living to Womenetics.com and Babble.com, covering anything from healthy food to parenting. She lives in Bozeman, Montana with her husband and two sons. ### You may also like: ![5 Valuable, Best Tips for Parenting Struggles](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/A%20woman%20mentoring%20a%20teenage%20girl%20about%20her%20goals..jpeg?width=250&height=150&name=A%20woman%20mentoring%20a%20teenage%20girl%20about%20her%20goals..jpeg) [5 Valuable, Best Tips for Parenting Struggles](https://blog.heartmanity.com/best-tips-parenting-struggles) ![The Daily Conversations That Strengthen the Parent-Child Connection (Ages 5–9)](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Father%20and%20daughter%20sitting%20on%20sofa%20and%20arguing..jpeg?width=250&height=150&name=Father%20and%20daughter%20sitting%20on%20sofa%20and%20arguing..jpeg) [The Daily Conversations That Strengthen the Parent-Child Connection (Ages 5–9)](https://blog.heartmanity.com/the-daily-conversations-that-strengthen-the-parent-child-connection-ages-5-9) ![Why ](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Father-giving-good-advice-to-his-daughter-1142096800_1257x838-compressor.jpeg?width=250&height=150&name=Father-giving-good-advice-to-his-daughter-1142096800_1257x838-compressor.jpeg) [Why "Tough Love" Is Failing Your Kids—and What Dads Can Do Instead](https://blog.heartmanity.com/why-tough-love-is-failing-your-kids-and-what-dads-can-do-instead) ![Raise Thinkers, Not Scrollers: How to Protect Your Child’s Mind from AI Laziness](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Young%20boy%20learning%20with%20AI%20assistant%20at%20home%2c%20using%20futuristic%20technology%20for%20online%20education_AdobeStock_810967631%20SM_Compressed.jpeg?width=250&height=150&name=Young%20boy%20learning%20with%20AI%20assistant%20at%20home%2c%20using%20futuristic%20technology%20for%20online%20education_AdobeStock_810967631%20SM_Compressed.jpeg) [Raise Thinkers, Not Scrollers: How to Protect Your Child’s Mind from AI Laziness](https://blog.heartmanity.com/raise-thinkers-not-scrollers-how-to-protect-your-childs-mind-from-ai-laziness) Posted in [Perfectly Imperfect Parenting](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/perfectly-imperfect-parenting) © Heartmanity 2026 [Back to Blog](https://blog.heartmanity.com) ### Free Newsletter! ### Featured Online Courses [![Online Course - Emotional Fitness for the 21st Century](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hubfs/blog-files/blog-side-fitness2.jpeg)](https://heartmanity-services-products.myshopify.com/collections/webinars/products/self-help-8-week-course-bundle) [![4 Keys to Unlocking the Power of Empathy](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hubfs/blog-files/blog-side-empathy2.jpeg)](https://heartmanity-services-products.myshopify.com/collections/webinars/products/real-empathy-real-solutions-self-coaching-workbook) ### Sign Up For Our Newsletter ![Heartmanity](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/heartmanity-logo-invert-web.png?width=260&name=heartmanity-logo-invert-web.png) 1104 East Main Street, Suite 4 Bozeman, MT 59715 Copyright © 2009-2025 Heartmanity, LLC. All Rights Reserved. [Sitemap](https://heartmanity.com/sitemap/) | [Privacy Policy](https://info.heartmanity.com/privacy-policy) ![](https://www.facebook.com/tr?id=140462683223049&ev=PageView&noscript=1) ```json { "@context" : "https://schema.org", "@type" : "NewsArticle", "author" : [ { "@type" : "Person", "name" : "Guest Blogger: Corinne Garcia", "url" : "https://blog.heartmanity.com/author/guest-blogger-corinne-garcia" } ], "dateModified" : "2024-02-01T17:45:48", "datePublished" : "2012-09-12T10:16:13", "headline" : "GEMS: Tuning in to the Present", "image" : [ "https://info.heartmanity.com/hubfs/GEM_Pinterest-1.jpg" ] } ```