In today's busy world, it doesn't take long for two people in a relationship to become distant or fall out of love. If you really think about it, although you live with that person, sleep next to them, eat meals with them, and maybe even talk to them during the day, how much of that connection is mindful and nurturing?
Because of the day-in and day-out details of life we are constantly juggling, many times our once romantic relationship can begin to cruise on automatic. As we all know, relationships take time—and sometimes they feel like too much work. But it doesn't have to be that way; it can be easy and fun to be together, not just another chore.
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Many couples don't realize that small everyday loving gestures go a long way toward nurturing a healthy relationship. By boosting your partner's day in small ways, you're strengthening your relationship in big ways. Remember the small accumulates into the big. Here's a small little lesson on the multiplication factor!
Below are 10 small loving gestures to nurture love that build trust, too. If they are done consistently and scattered throughout your week, your kindness can make all the difference in developing a conscious relationship that's happy, healthy, and well-connected.
When regularly and intentionally expressing love becomes a mindset, it immediately brings more love, connection, and fun into the relationship. An added bonus is that your intentions become positive habits to sustain you in challenging times.
It can be as simple as grabbing a post-it note and saying "I love you!" on the bathroom mirror. Or write your partner something funny, perhaps an inside joke to find when they aren't expecting it. Or when your partner has a to-do list sitting out, add on something unexpected, such as "Treat yourself to a massage" or "Tell your sweetheart you love him/her."
Make it a point to give each other a hearty welcome along with a hug and kiss when you or they get home from work. Many times, we underestimate the power of the welcome, especially after we have been together for a while. However, everyone likes to be wanted and valued. Try it!
A simple but powerful change to make. Every once in a while, I tease my husband about his greeting being more exuberant for our Golden Retriever than for me. 😂 Just a simple nudge to remind him that small things matter. These days, the porch light is on and he greets me with a joyous hug and kiss—a perfect ending to a day of coaching clients.
Don't take for granted these precious moments!
Make loving eye contact as much as possible when talking. And sometimes spend several minutes communicating through the eyes without words. The eyes are considered the window into the soul and this practice connects and bonds couples in very deep ways.
It can be as simple as a stroke on the back as you walk by each other or an extra long hug. Stay connected affectionately—and deliberately!
In our busy lives, it's so easy to get distracted or stressed and forget to give affection to our partner. The simple act of touch can destress quickly because it lets the person know that they are not alone. Studies show the effects of loving touch increase psychological and physical well-being.
Create a loving habit of touching your partner lovingly. This one practice alone holds the power to nurture the relationship tremendously.
Deep dive: "How to Achieve More Intimacy in Your Marriage."
Thank your partner for something positive they've done each day. For example, "Hey, thanks for putting the dishes away. That really helped!" Or appreciate how hard they work to support the family.
Celebrate milestones in their career with flowers or a special dinner. Each time we highlight our partner's actions that make our lives better, it is an emotional deposit. Too often we have our eyes on what our partner ISN'T doing or "should" be doing. Keep your focus on the positive and validate them!
If they vent about their day, try to listen and empathize instead of reacting. When your partner is excited about their day or a breakthrough at work, give them focused attention and share their experience. A core need of everyone is to be heard, so make an effort to spend time together and fully present to one another.
Don't wait until your partner gets home. Send them a loving text message to let them know you're thinking about them. Shoot them an email that says something fun or loving.
Occasionally act out of character in a fun, loving way to add lightness and laughter to the relationship. Have a snowball fight or a squirt gunfight. Do something out of the ordinary to shake things up!
And during any difficult time, this is a recipe for stress relief, too. Nothing is more healing than laughter.
Related reading: "Get More Love and Fun in Your Marriage Right Now!"
One of the tricks I've learned after decades of a happy marriage is to shake it up. Life can get so mundane and with it, our relationship can feel boring. Make an effort to create a romantic relationship with your surprise or just change up your routine.
One of the requirements for the brain to spark and awaken is unexpected or novel experiences. This one key can create so much more joy and fulfillment in your relationship. (And if your partner doesn't like surprises, make sure they are gentle and loving—or pick one of the other ways to nurture your partnership.
Some of my favorites over the years:
I recommended to a client a few years ago to hand her husband a cool drink in a frosted glass when he got home from a long, hot day as a builder. She told me he acted like a little boy in a candy shop when she handed it to him. And he was flying high for a whole week with that one simple gesture.
Or go the extra mile and drop off their favorite lunch at work when they are too busy to get out.
These simple gestures let your partner know you were thinking about them. And when you can personalize the action and tailor it to their preferences and passions, it helps them feel seen and valued by you.
Related reading: "Keys to Healthy Love and a Happy Relationship."
Ask how their day was or what they're busy with at work, and then really listen to what they say. Asking open-ended questions that can't be answered with a yes or no helps to cultivate more meaningful conversations.
And if your partner is a bit snarky, perhaps they had a tough day. Respond with love and curiosity. The majority of the time, we are our partner's safe zone for letting down and being real. I'm not suggesting that you tolerate disrespect, only to respond with compassion and depersonalize their reactions.
Related reading: "Best Marriage Advice: Depersonalize Your Partner's Behavior."
What small loving gestures can you and your partner do to spice up the day and nurture your partnership?
Small is BIG. Just as a small amount of money put into a savings account monthly can grow into a huge nest egg, small and loving actions can greatly influence the quality of your relationship.
There's nothing like a new influx of fresh perspective, new skills, and objectivity to up-level your communication.
For personalized support, couples counseling, or to fine-tune your marriage or relationship, reach out to Heartmanity.