There is endless content online (ironic isn’t it!?!) about screens, internet use, gaming, safety, addiction, sleep deprivation, and how to set limits. So much content that a person (ME!) can spend hours on a screen just learning about how to deal with screens, so why write more?
At Heartmanity, we want to approach screens, tech, safety, limits, and the like through the understanding of emotional needs, relationships, empathy, compassion, brain science, and love, which are not common approaches used in most available content. So, that being said, let’s look at why teens love screens so much.
Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
Humans are emotional beings. Research has proven that premise for years according to numerous social scientists.
However, did you know that there is a condensed list of our basic human needs? It’s true, there is.
Although these basic emotional needs might be worded differently by varying social scientists, the list we’ve found most helpful was compiled by Dr. Rudolph Dreikurs. These needs lay the foundation of the principles of the Redirecting Children’s Behavior philosophy (and the accompanying course) that we teach) and use when working with clients.
Here’s the list below:
Now, keep those needs in your mind for a few moments while we ponder some facts and history in the land of screens.
Below are some facts about the prevalence of screens, phones, and usage. You may not be surprised, but is it any wonder that screen addiction is on the rise/
According to the popularity exhibited through the above research on tech ownership and its access, we can conclude that screens are not just fun and informative, they are awesome!
Awesome?
Yes: Awesome, fantastic, radical, wicked, legit! Don’t believe me?
Well, when you get to the end of this sentence, stop reading and take 5-10 seconds and think of a time when a screen brought you joy. (You should be thinking not reading now.)
Got that moment in mind?
Now, attach some feelings to that experience.
Happy, connected, peaceful, calm, humored, relaxed, … and awesome, right?
Now let’s look again at all the awesome screen benefits in the context of emotional needs and the list of basic needs of children and teens.
To feel and experience:
How many of the above needs would you say were fulfilled during that joy-filled screen moment you were just thinking of?
See what I mean?
Screens create connections through:
What do you think are some of the feelings your children feel when they are on a screen?
Don’t you think those emotional needs can be fulfilled?
You bet they can! And this fulfillment is one of the reasons (along with the feel-good drug Dopamine) that make technology and social media so addicting.
The makers of apps, programs, TV shows, games, etc., know how their products fulfill these emotional needs. They’re designed for the user! When a product meets our needs, we use it. If it doesn’t, we chuck it.
Screens are a pathway through which connection, love, belonging, power, value, contribution, experimentation and exploration flow. (Not to mention job security, college diplomas, and bulk school supply orders!)
The fulfillment of emotional needs is what makes screens so compelling for our children and teens (and ourselves).
However, it is also because of this emotional fulfillment that they can be so frightening and damaging. And companies, predators, and even classmates can manipulate these needs as a gateway to exploitation.
At our house, sometimes we blow our tops over screens, but then I find myself so excited a text has come in, a picture has been posted, or I have mastered some version of online Scrabble™, and I remember the joys my children find in their screen activity. When I can be curious and empathetic about why they want to access social media or the latest app, I have a better understanding. When I see from my child's perspective more clearly, I can better know when and how to allow access while not jeopardizing our family values.
The goal is to hold fast to what is most precious to us, like face-to-face time with family and friends while also recognizing the needs that technology fulfills. We want to keep a healthy balance between screen time and quality time together, involvement in athletics, work habits, adventures and recreation, creative time, and downtime.
So until next time, here are some questions to explore:
If possible, have a conversation with your teen and find out firsthand answers to the above questions. Ask him or her to show you what they do on their phones and computers and why.
Feel free to share how understanding and empathy change your perspective toward technology in your teen’s possession. Together, we can create healthy habits and keep our children safe!
Research and related reading:
Mobile Fact Sheet - http://www.pewinternet.org/fact-sheet/mobile/
The Statistic Portal: Number of households in the U.S. from 1960 to 2017.For more positive parenting tips or parenting articles to develop visionary parenting, check out Heartmanity's parenting resources.
Check out why teens rebel to feel connected.