A story—and a need for resiliency.
One beautiful autumn evening, after a full day with clients, I was carrying the groceries through the living room when I noticed my dog's peculiar paw prints on wet carpet. In shock, I quickly dumped the bags on a table and walked into our kitchen, which now resembled a toddler's wading pool.
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes
The kitchen floor was covered with an inch of water, and it was rapidly seeping into the dining room carpet. Where the heck was the water coming from? Quickly I ran down to the basement to grab old towels to soak up the water—and was greeted with the horror of another flood, water gushing from above and multiple boxes dripping water from the shelves.
Small floods are minor setbacks in life, of course, but there are also major setbacks: loss of a job, the break-up of a relationship, a sudden illness, or an emotional letdown. What we need at times like these is resiliency—the ability to bounce back.
Fortunately, emotional resiliency is a learned skill that we can develop and refine. It is a quality that allows us to greet new circumstances, no matter how difficult, with grace and courage.
Think of resilience as a set of muscles that need to be exercised. The ability to bounce back is vital to our sense of well-being, and it is worth investing some time in developing our resiliency muscles. Here are some tips that will help you spring back when confronted with challenges, big or small. Practice them regularly, even on little annoyances like detours on a highway or a small flood like mine, to develop more resiliency in your life.
Studies have shown that the regular practice of gratitude increases happiness, improves health, and expands overall well-being. You can make it a habit to begin or end your day with thoughts of gratitude, or make a formal ritual out of writing in a gratitude journal. Once you make appreciation a habit, you will be more likely to easily adapt to life's curveballs.
IN ACTION: "Good thing this flooding didn't happen last week when we were on vacation!"
I'm not talking about pretending everything is okay when it's not or only seeing life through rose-colored glasses. I'm referring to what makes us uniquely human—the power to choose what we will think and how we will feel about anything. When something we consider negative happens, it is a good practice to look for the good. This simple mind shift (or what psychologists call "reframing") helps give us a more balanced viewpoint.
IN ACTION: "Well, I guess I can kiss this ugly linoleum goodbye." or "I never liked this linoleum; now I'll finally get to replace it!
In problem-solving, it's possible to get stuck trying to change things that we really have no power over. Or sometimes we waste time and energy trying to fix someone who doesn't want our help and has no intention of changing. It is vital to focus our time and energy on what will move us forward, even in small steps. Action primes the pump and brings unexpected opportunities to us.
IN ACTION: "The water damage is something I can't change. Hey, I should check out our home insurance to see what they cover. I'd really like to install tile instead of linoleum, but it's more expensive."
Related reading: "What Is Emotional Intelligence?"
IN ACTION: Oh, and the ruined linoleum tile? Now I have a new kitchen floor with beautiful Italian tile that we got at a seventy-five percent discount from one of my husband's contractors. And the home insurance covered most of it. Not such a catastrophe after all!
So next time life hits you with a curveball, "inhale, exhale, and breathe."
Try practicing one or two of the above tips for a greater sense of well-being, and enjoy increased ease in all areas of your life. You'll be able to bounce back when you start to feel flattened.
For more information on emotional intelligence and creating thriving relationships and rewarding life, contact us at support@heartmanity.com.