You put the oxygen mask on yourself before your children or others. We’ve all heard that dozens of times when traveling by plane.
But in practice—when a parent thinks his child needs help—what is their gut instinct? Yep, to help the child regardless if the parent is tired, stressed, or on the verge of burnout.
Self-care for parents is a challenge. Balancing home life with a career, socializing, finances, a marriage or relationship while ALSO raising kids makes being a parent a difficult juggling act.
How can parents find time for their own well-being amidst their hectic lives?
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Let’s take an analogy to illustrate just how critical self-care is for parents.
Imagine you are juggling three tennis balls (or tomatoes like the picture above). If you’ve practiced, you may be pretty good at juggling, and you can consistently keep all the balls in the air. Add another one or two; it will take new focus and practice.
Now, imagine one of the three balls you’re juggling is a raw egg—it becomes dramatically trickier, doesn’t it!?
The size and delicacy of the egg compared to the tennis balls are dramatically different. It’s going to require renewed and very deliberate attention and care.
That egg is your family life.
Now if one of those balls turns into a bowling ball—things get totally out of whack, and most likely, will be impossible.
The bowling ball represents a BIG life issue, like a lost job, sickness, death in the family, or a move. You cannot balance it all. Something has to be dropped.
Do not drop the egg!
Being a parent is a balancing act. And you must keep your priorities straight.
The thing is, it’s tricky to reflect on priorities and balance while you’re trying to juggle a bowling ball, a tennis ball and an egg.
So, what do you do?
The best advice might be to step back and assess before the metaphorical bowling ball hits.
When major stress happens, it’s so easy for self-care to go out the window. Parenting is a full-time job—it’s the only thing that we can’t drop!
For this incredible responsibility, you need to be solid in yourself, connected to your heart and soul, AND have the clarity, energy, and wisdom to take right action.
To be all those things—balanced, solid, connected and empowered—you need to take care of yourself.
Agreed?
We’ve all seen the haggard parents who don’t have time to sleep or eat or exercise because they are running between soccer practices and the dinner table, the office and errands, school drop-offs and prescription pick-ups.
Many of us have been there, so full of love for another person that we barely notice ourselves.
So what can a parent do?
You don’t drop the egg, but you must also put the oxygen mask on yourself. The necessity for parents to continually nurture, support, guide, and care for their children is precisely the reason self-care is not just ME time.
Self-care is foundational for well-being to BE a loving parent.
Consider this profound poem by Kahlil Gibran.
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On Children Your children are not your children. The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far. Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness. |
Perhaps the best parenting advice to remember when it comes to self-care as a parent is to remember that “You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.”
You are there to catch the egg when it falls but not to grip it too tightly. You are there to provide the oxygen for your children to thrive.
You need to be strong and stable so that your children learn resilience and can fly—even soar.
The bottomline: make sure you take EXTREME care of the bow, YOU!