Workplace gossip. It spreads faster than a virus, thrives in uncertainty, and quietly erodes trust. From whispers of “Did you hear…?” or “That meeting was a total waste of time” to snide remarks and criticisms on Slack or company chats, workplace gossip can be destructive if left unchecked.
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As the WWII idiom “Loose lips sink ships” conveys, workplace gossip deteriorates culture and dismantles unity. Research consistently links negative gossip to increased anxiety, disengagement, emotional exhaustion, confusion, and decreased productivity.
What generates negative gossip at work?
Why do employees get sucked into disparaging conversations even when they may feel uncomfortable?
Understanding the roots of negative gossip is critical in stopping it.
Gossip reveals employees’ unmet needs and brewing concerns. When employees don’t feel heard, safe, or informed, conversations drift into unproductive conversations.
It’s understandable when put in this context.
The difficulty in disrupting this unhelpful pattern is that office gossip can be addictive because it supplies a false sense of belonging, connection and community.
An added challenge is that many employees avoid conflict by going along and often haven’t learned how to ask for what they need directly.
Emotional intelligence gives a stronger, more compassionate way forward: instead of battling the gossip itself, address the emotional drivers that feed it.
Related reading: “Employee Attrition—How to Fix Dissatisfaction, Undermined Value, and a Lack of Communication.”
The common reaction of many leaders and managers is to try to shut down workplace gossip with reprimands or strict policies. And their actions often backfire.
Research shows that harsh actions from leaders only drive gossip underground, fueling its power and increasing it in the workplace. Unfair or too tough leadership behaviors create trust gaps, perceived injustice, uncertainty, and emotional distress—all fertile ground for gossip.
Rather than eliminating gossip, punitive measures simply make gossip more covert. Studies also show that when employees report an issue to their managers and no action is taken, this inaction fuels rumors and gossip.
Unlike the advice in a recent Inc.com article on zero tolerance, disciplinary actions, and ignoring the gossiper, I recommend a very different approach.
Why?
Because such hardline reactions only push employees’ unresolved feelings deeper into secrecy, decrease psychological safety and undermine trust. Leaders also miss out on valuable information for true resolution and problem-solving.
Leaders who react with fear, inconsistency, blame, or exclusion tend to exacerbate gossip, rather than quell it.
On the contrary, authentic leadership reduces gossip. The research purports that resilient leadership matters and that how leaders respond to gossip will determine whether trust is bolstered or weakened.
Embrace it!
Gossip exposes vital ingredients necessary to build thriving teams and a true sense of belonging in your company. Why not capitalize on this vital information and increase compassion by taking action to create inclusive and fair workplace?
Let’s explore effective EQ-driven strategies that turn gossip from a cultural liability into an opportunity for open communication and effective problem-solving.
Related reading: "Best Ways to Raise Emotional Intelligence in the Workplace."
When employees and leaders learn to identify their unmet needs, spot brewing emotions in themselves and others, and examine their intentions, the entire tone of the workplace shifts. Employees begin to handle conflict gracefully and speak directly to the right people about changes needed in the workplace, such as a discriminatory practice.
Gossip loses its fuel when the core needs of employees are met!
As mentioned above, workplace gossip often starts with an employee’s unmet need. All human beings are trying to get their needs met 24/7—every day, not just on weekends.
What are employees’ core needs? Here’s a list of common ones in the workplace:
The truth about being human is that we will either get our needs met in positive ways or act out with negative, unproductive behaviors.
Why?
Because our brains are wired to seek attention to survive and we know that we are safer in groups—an ancient survival impulse.
Employees seeking relief or support from co-workers for issues they are unprepared to handle will often not discuss their challenges with managers or leaders. If the leadership comes down hard on employees for gossip, leaders lose opportunities to strengthen a culture of open communication and trust.
When employees’ core needs go unnoticed, ignored, or overridden through autocratic leadership, nonproductive behavior, such as gossip, escalates. When negative emotions and unmet needs build, they leak out sideways in the form of speculation, gossip, or outright fabrication!
The solution?
Meet employees’ needs upfront, and “misbehavior” will organically decrease.
Instead of combating gossip with strict rules, elaborate HR practices, or a simple “don’t,” fulfilling employees' needs intentionally turns gossip on its head! Using awareness and empathy to decode what lies beneath their words and actions, leaders can quickly get to the heart of the problem.
Have you ever tried to hold a beach ball underwater? It demands an enormous amount of energy and focus. As soon as you relax, it pops up!
Imagine the bandwidth required to try to hold down all the unproductive emotions and chatter of employees without resolving what’s troubling the waters—a huge waste of time for leadership and companies.
A SHRM report states that managers spend 13% of their time repairing relationships due to incivility.
Stop wasting time ... train your employees in emotional intelligence.
The first step of decoding employees’ behavior and the underlying needs is to take the judgment off of “gossip.” Reframe it as simply employees trying to communicate their needs.
Secondly, intentionally listen for the need that drives behavior.
The next time you hear something like: “Did you hear Taylor might be leaving; he’s got a job offer for more money.”
Instead of reacting or shutting down the rumor, pause and get curious.
Ask yourself what the employee (the one gossiping) and the other employee, who may be thinking of leaving, might need.
Whenever an employee leaves a company (or even talks about leaving), this chatter shakes up employees’ need for safety and a sense of belonging. A team’s uncertainty can invoke unproductive conversations.
You might say in response as a co-worker or leader:
“It sounds like this possibility of your co-worker leaving might be unsettling to you. Are you wanting more clarity about upcoming changes?”
Or: “Is it possible that you’re concerned about having to take on this person’s workload? You already have a very full plate.”
Curiosity allows a work culture to breathe.
Responses like these naturally transform gossip from unproductive conversations into new information, fact-finding, problem-solving, and trust-building.
I recently consulted for a company where an employee was making negative comments to co-workers about their direct supervisor. When I explored their behavior with them, their aching desire and need to work virtually from home and eliminate their commute popped up like a beach ball.
Their side conversations were only a symptom of their unmet need.
The employee hadn’t yet realized WHY they felt unhappy and were gossiping. It had little to do with their supervisor. They were processing feelings (through gossiping) and resisting what was necessary: finding a hybrid job to met their needs better.
As I talked with the employee, they expressed how much they enjoyed their job and the employees they worked with, which only made it harder to accept and own what their stress and feelings were telling them.
Teaching employees to listen to their emotions and ask for what they need directly helps eliminate secret conversations. However, left on their own, rumors and gossip tend to spread, get embellished, become more dramatic along the grapevine.
This mindful practice (i.e., decoding behavior with curiosity) turns inaccurate (or sometimes partially true rumors) into an opportunity for a more transparent culture. Instead of letting uncertainty swirl in backchannels, you build a culture where your employees’ needs are fulfilled in healthy, productive ways.
Related reading: "Mastering Nonverbal Communication: A Key Skill for Effective Leadership."
Easier said than done, right?
I get it, I’ve worked with a lot of companies and getting serious about developing a thriving and safe, diverse culture takes commitment, focus and consistency.
It requires time and a major mindset shift to remove the stigma surrounding gossip and understand how to approach it successfully. Emotional intelligence must be a priority because this EQ skill necessitates a lot practice and reinforcement.
Not to mention: nonjudgment, curiosity, openness, empathy, and courage!
Yet, it’s worth it!
Recommended reading: "Inside the Leader's Brain: Why Authentic Leadership Outperforms Micromanagement."
One way to reinforce a culture of openness is to encourage employees to hold themselves and their co-workers accountable.
Cultivating a culture of safety, openness, and high standards that align with a company’s mission and vision is essential.
However, if a mission statement is plastered on the wall but leaders’ actions don’t align with company values, it overrides good intentions with confusion, resentment, and a double standard.
Therefore, everything needs to be measured and examined from a focus of matching values with actions. However, what does it look like and sound like to be respectful and accepting of differences?
Companies need to continually keep the goals and values top of mind.
For instance, bring up in meetings how to respond if someone comes to you with a complaint that could incite gossip. Encourage your staff to take their concerns to the right people. Give employees effective ways to handle their emotions as they arise, especially when they feel slighted or when something seems unfair.
All emotional intelligence (EQ) begins with self-awareness. Encouraging employees to stop and pause before talking develops greater awareness and self-restraint. While pausing, they can ask some of the following questions:
Honest, intentional self-checks stop most gossip cold. As employees use them throughout the work week, the culture settles and their new responses become second nature.
When even a small portion of a company’s staff begins to be more intentional, workplace gossip drops dramatically. It acts as a positive contagion. People regulate themselves rather than managers policing employee behaviors.
Over time, these check-ins become an internal standard that supports transparency and reduces unnecessary workplace drama.
Books and Podcasts on Emotional Intelligence for greater understanding. Or go deep with an emotional intelligence class.
Next, how do you prepare employees if someone approaches them with negative gossip? It can be challenging to know how to respond respectfully.
Teach employees to say things like, “It sounds like you need to talk with …” or “I’d appreciate it if you’d go direct to your manager with that concern.”
Yes, holding employees and co-workers accountable for being their best selves requires courage. Yet, with leadership support and meetings that discuss and reinforce these principles, this mind shift transforms company culture.
These simple actions replace secrecy with transparency, help employees be forthright and reinforce accountability. It also builds the kind of psychological safety high-performing teams depend on.
Gossip can’t survive in an environment where people address issues directly, respectfully and quickly.
Emotional intelligence and EQ skills in the workplace help employees manage their emotions and energy effectively, convert gossip into open, honest conversations, and promote more opportunities for connection while transforming the company culture.
Heartmanity specializes in emotional intelligence and workplace culture. Contact us for emotional intelligence training for your leadership or teams.