How to Give Feedback Effectively for the Best Results

Often, we hesitate to give feedback, even when it is crucial for the health of a relationship or the success of a team. The fear of hurting feelings, triggering a defensive reaction, or being perceived as overly critical can lead us to hold back.

However, withholding feedback can breed resentment and anger, ultimately causing distance and denying others the opportunity for growth.

Estimated reading time: 3 minutes

Effective Communication Necessitates Knowing How to Give and Receive Feedback

Effective communication, whether in our personal or professional life, depends on the ability to give and receive feedback constructively. Feedback is not a criticism of a person, but a tool for growth and development.

To create thriving relationships, and cultivate healthy collaboration and teamwork and high-performing teams, we must move beyond fear and learn to deliver helpful, respectful, and structured feedback. 

Let's look at how to improve communication skills so we can feel more confident in giving constructive feedback .

Recommended reading: "Why Is Communication Important in the Workplace?"

The Heart of Feedback: Mindset and Intention

In all our relationships, whether it’s our spouse, our boss, or a friend, we depend on positive feedback and negative feedback to grow. So it’s important to realize that in denying feedback to others, we deny them the opportunity to develop in areas where they may need insights and help.

The foundation of effective feedback is the right mindset. Before you speak, you must ensure your intention is rooted in goodwill, not in criticism out of frustration.  Feedback only hurts others when we don’t offer it in a loving way.

If we want to create thriving relationships, we need to support each other’s highest and best by holding them accountable to be better and offering helpful and respectful feedback.

Related reading: "Good Communication Is Vital for a Successful Business."

How to Give Feedback Successfully

Here are some tips in discerning how to give helpful feedback and how to approach another person in a way that our feedback will be more readily received.

STEP 1:  Prepare yourself so you can express feedback from the heart.

Your emotional state and motivation are the most critical factors in how your message will be received. If you are upset, angry, or motivated by a desire to punish, your feedback will likely create distance.

• Check your intention - Ask yourself, “Will this feedback create goodwill or create distance?” If the answer is "distance," resolve your inner emotional battles first.
• Shift your focus - When you are calmer, intentionally bring to mind three things you admire or appreciate about the person. This process increases the likelihood that your message will be delivered from a place of genuine care and support.

Ask yourself, “Will this feedback create good will or create distance?”

If the answer is “distance,” check in with your emotions, intention, and motivation. If you’re upset,  calm and resolve your inner battles before talking with the person.

When you’re calmer, bring to mind a pleasant memory of that person to enhance your feelings for the interaction. This slight uplift will increase the likelihood of delivering your message from the heart.

STEP 2:  Set yourself up to succeed by carefully choosing the timing of the conversation.

Even the most perfectly phrased feedback can fall short if delivered at the wrong time. Respecting the other person's availability and emotional state is a sign of respect.

• Ask permission - “Is now a good time to talk?” If it's not, ask when would be a better time and commit to that schedule.
• Allow adequate time for the conversation - Ensure you have enough time to discuss the issue fully, especially if the conversation is expected to be difficult or sensitive. Rushing the process signals that the conversation is a low priority.

Once your mindset and timing are in aligned, you need a clear structure to deliver the message. The Situation-Behavior-Impact (SBI) model provides a practical script for executing this advice with precision.

STEP 3:  Give your feedback respectfully using the SBI model.

The SBI model is a three-part structure that ensures your feedback is objective, specific, and focused on observable actions and their consequences. This approach prevents the recipient from feeling personally attacked.

Keep your feedback concise, friendly, and calm. Avoid sarcasm, subtle putdowns, and comparisons. Release judgment and get curious. Focus on the situation and the behavior, not the person. Refer to the chart below for a clear explanation of the model.

Real-Life Example: Using SBI

Poor Feedback (Focus on Person): "You are unprofessional and always miss deadlines. You need to be more reliable." (This is vague, judgmental, and attacks the person's character.)

Effective Feedback (Using SBI):

• S: "During the final review of the Q3 report, which was due yesterday..."
• B: "...I noticed you submitted it three hours late without any prior communication..."
• I: "...and the impact was that I had to delay my presentation to the executive team, which made me feel unprepared."

This structured approach separates the person from the problem, making the feedback easier to hear and address.

Pay close attention to the person’s receptivity. Are they open to your feedback? If they reacted defensively, it may not an appropriate time to look for solutions. Give each other time to calm down, and circle back to touch base later.

STEP 4:  Allow the person a chance to respond.

After delivering your feedback, pause and allow the person to respond. Be open and willing to listen to their perspective without interruption. This receptivity is where the conversation shifts from a monologue to a dialogue.

Giving adequate time to the person for their response is helpful and often increases understanding.

STEP 5:  Brainstorm possible solutions or offer specific actions that will help.

The goal of feedback is not just to point out a problem, but to find a path forward.

• Collaborate  - Ask, "What are your thoughts on this issue, and what can we do differently next time?"
  
  
• Focus on action - Work together to identify specific, measurable actions. If the person is defensive, it may not be the right time for solutions. Give each other time to calm down and circle back later.

The Other Half of the Conversation: Receiving Feedback Gracefully

An effective feedback culture is a two-way street. The best results are only possible when the recipient is prepared to listen and process the information.

Mastering the art of receiving feedback is a hallmark of emotional maturity and a commitment to personal growth.

STEP 1: Listen to Understand, Not to Reply

When receiving feedback, your primary goal is to fully understand the message before formulating a defense or explanation.

• Avoid interrupting - Let the giver finish their complete thought. Interrupting signals defensiveness and can shut down the conversation or disrupt the person's thought process.
• Clarify the specifics - If the feedback is vague, use clarifying questions based on the SBI model: "Can you give me a specific situation where that happened?" or "What behavior did you observe?"

STEP 2 - Be Present to Yourself and Process, Don't Defend

It's natural to feel a surge of emotion when receiving critical feedback. The tendency is to launch into defending or correcting the details the person stated.

Don't.

Recognize that the feedback is a person's perspective and valuable information to help you in communication. 

The key is to manage your reaction in the moment. Slow down your breathing and emotional regulate yourself. Do your best to remain open and hear them out.

If you don't agree, say, "I am willing to look at your feedback and examine it further.even though right now, it doesn't match how I see myself."

Below are some examples of defensive reactions versus openness and acceptance.

STEP 3 - Commit to a Clear Next Step

The conversation is incomplete until a path forward is established. This conclusion turns the feedback from a critique into a plan to change and develop.

• Summarize for agreement - Rephrase the feedback to ensure you understood it correctly.
  • Example: "So, to make sure I've got this, you're saying that in the future, you'd like me to send a summary email after the meeting instead of relying on verbal confirmation. Is that right?"
• Agree on an action - Propose a concrete, measurable action you will take.
  • Example: "My action will be to set a recurring reminder 15 minutes before every deadline to check in with you, even if the work isn't finished, so you're never surprised."

Following these steps will help create honest and strong communication, enhance calmer conversations when disagreements arise and improve your interpersonal skills while enhancing relationships.

Honest, sincere, and respectful communication, practiced consistently with courage and kindness, will strengthen our families, businesses, and communities.

The most effective feedback is a blend of heart and science.

By mastering both the giving and receiving of feedback, you transform a potentially difficult conversation into a powerful engine for personal growth, stronger relationships, and better results.

Recommended reading: "The Most Effective EQ Strategy: How to Stop Gossip in the Workplace."

For more great tools and leadership and emotional intelligence skills, contact Heartmanity.