--- title: Love Deliberately Like a Grandmaster Plays Chess description: Relationships are challenging. Creating a happy and thriving relationship requires more than love. Get Grandmaster strategies for more fun and connection. image: https://blog.heartmanity.com/hubfs/Chess1-1.jpg --- [![Heartmanity](https://heartmanity.com/wp-content/files/heartmanity-logo-web.png "Heartmanity")](https://heartmanity.com) [Schedule a Conversation](https://heartmanity.as.me/schedule.php?appointmentType=30172362) [Shop](https://heartmanity-services-products.myshopify.com/) [Join the Community](https://heartmanitycommunity.mn.co/) [Get In Touch](https://heartmanity.com/contact/) - [Home](https://heartmanity.com/) - [Our Focus and Expertise](https://heartmanity.com/our-focus-and-expertise/) - [BrainFitness](https://heartmanity.com/brain-fitness/) - [Emotional Intel](https://heartmanity.com/emotional-intel/) - [Habits for Health](https://heartmanity.com/habits-for-health/) - [Relationship Mastery](https://heartmanity.com/relationship-mastery/) - [About](https://heartmanity.com/about/) - [Individuals](https://heartmanity.com/individuals/) - [No-Nonsense Coaching](https://heartmanity.com/no-nonsense-coaching/) - [Return to Serenity](https://heartmanity.com/return-to-serenity/) - [One-Year Makeover](https://heartmanity.com/one-year-makeover/) - Couples - [Drama-Free Marriage](https://heartmanity.com/drama-free-marriage/) - [Marriage Tune-Up](https://heartmanity.com/resources/drama-free-resources/#tune-up) - [Couples Mentoring](https://heartmanity.com/resources/drama-free-resources/#mentoring) - [Premarital Coaching](https://heartmanity.com/resources/drama-free-resources/#coaching) - [Drama-Free Weddings](https://heartmanity.com/resources/drama-free-resources/#weddings) - Parents - [HeartPrints® Parenting](https://heartmanity.com/heartprints-parenting/) - [Parent Coaching](https://heartmanity.com/resources/heartprints-resources/#coaching) - [Family Coaching](https://heartmanity.com/resources/heartprints-resources/#visits) - [WombPrints](https://heartmanity.com/heartprints-parenting/#wombprints) - [Professionals](https://heartmanity.com/professionals/) - [Heartmanity for Business](https://heartmanity.com/business/) - [Heartlead Business](https://heartmanity.com/heartmanity-for-business/) - [MomPreneurs](https://heartmanity.com/mompreneurs/) - [Resources](https://heartmanity.com/resources/) - [Heartlead Resources](https://heartmanity.com/resources/heartlead-resources/) - [Drama-Free Resources](https://heartmanity.com/resources/drama-free-resources/) - [HeartPrints® Resources](https://heartmanity.com/resources/heartprints-resources/) - [Personal Growth Resources](https://heartmanity.com/resources/personal-growth-resources/) - [Blog](https://blog.heartmanity.com/) - [Emotional Intelligence & Fitness](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/emotional-intelligence-fitness) - [Leadership and Business](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/leadership-and-business) - [Love, Marriage, and Relationships](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/love-marriage-and-relationships) - [Parents: Permission to Be Imperfect](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/parents-permission-to-be-imperfect) - [Brain Fitness, Mindfulness and Perspective](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/brain-fitness-mindfulness-and-perspective) - [Communication & Interpersonal Skills](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/communication-interpersonal-skills) - [Habits for Health](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/habits-for-health) Heartmanity's Blog Search Search - There are no suggestions because the search field is empty. Topics: Select a topic... All Emotional Intelligence & Fitness Leadership and Business Love, Marriage, and Relationships Parents: Permission to Be Imperfect Brain Fitness, Mindfulness and Perspective Communication & Interpersonal Skills Habits for Health Heartmanity Webinars, Classes, and Events Filters # [*Love Deliberately Like a Grandmaster Plays Chess*](https://blog.heartmanity.com/love-deliberately-like-a-grandmaster-plays-chess) What if you approached love like a chess grandmaster—strategic, intentional, and always thinking three moves ahead?  When I was growing up, my oldest brother was a national chess champion. He taught me a lot about the game, and chess taught me about the game of life. Chess is an extraordinarily complex game with unlimited possibilities. For example, after only three moves apiece, there are more than 10 million possible placement combinations of the pieces! Each decision made in chess paves the way to success or failure, just as in life and relationship. *Estimated reading time: 4 minutes* ![Treat love an relationship like a grandmaster chess player.](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Queen%20Chess%20Piece%20Leaning%20on%20King-AdobeStock_185134202_Compressed.jpeg?width=5891&height=3928&name=Queen%20Chess%20Piece%20Leaning%20on%20King-AdobeStock_185134202_Compressed.jpeg)Both in chess and relationship, if we get too focused on our own plan without being attentive to our partner, we lose in this fascinating game. Champion chess players sometimes have up to eight to ten moves ahead in their minds with multiple strategies, depending on their opponent's tactics. That requires a lot of focus! When is the last time you focused your love on your partner with such focus and attentiveness? ## Love Is Always a Choice—*Make It Daily!* In *Chutes and Ladders*, you slide backward without warning. It’s fun when you’re a kid, but sliding backward into emotional distance or the same arguments in marriage—*not so fun.* When we’re coasting in love, we neglect those small, meaningful moves—little gestures, quality time, and real listening. Life gets busy. We start paying more attention to work than to our partner. This is when love drifts, sometimes without us realizing. Like chess, love requires attention, commitment, skill, and a willingness to learn. You can’t just wing it. We can play the relationship game like Chutes and Ladders, which requires very little effort and the outcome is left to chance, or we can play the relationship game like chess. What we bring to the game of chess greatly impacts the outcome. So it is in relationships. For long-lasting love, [let the love magnet lead](https://blog.heartmanity.com/emotional-intelligence-in-relationships)!  Recommended reading: "I[s Your Brain Wired for Love and Connection? Science Reveals Powerful Truths!](https://blog.heartmanity.com/love-and-connection)" ![1980 board game of Chutes and Ladders](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Chutes%20and%20Ladder%20game_AdobeStock_313146639_Compressed.jpeg?width=5137&height=3425&name=Chutes%20and%20Ladder%20game_AdobeStock_313146639_Compressed.jpeg) ## Are You Falling Out of Love? Take Love Off Auto-Pilot! When we are sliding or coasting in a relationship, there is a sense of [falling out of love](https://blog.heartmanity.com/falling-out-of-love-and-what-to-do-about-it). Life is on auto-pilot and can become mundane. We forget to [do the small loving acts](https://blog.heartmanity.com/marriage-advice-sweat-the-small-stuff) that cement our connection. Or we pay too much attention to our work and too little attention to our partner. We are distracted, and we are not concentrating on what is most important to us. This is a recipe for disaster in chess *and* in relationships. Avoid these [3 Things that You Should Never Do in Love and Marriage](https://blog.heartmanity.com/3-things-you-should-never-do-in-love-and-marriage). When we are careless in chess, our pieces are jumped and the game quickly and abruptly ends in checkmate. If we do not train our minds to look for opportunities, we miss moves that would have enabled us to win. If we invest time and energy toward [mindfulness](https://blog.heartmanity.com/why-is-mindfulness-important-and-3-simple-practices), we get better and better at the game—both in chess and in relationships. Most [relationship troubles](https://blog.heartmanity.com/what-destroys-most-relationships-ways-to-rebuild)stem from not paying attention to the health of our relationship and partner. Below are some simple yet vital moves in the game of relationship-chess. These simple strategies will create more fun, bring out the best in you, and make it far more likely that your relationship will achieve new heights of success, meaningful connection, and closeness. Related reading: ["Love Is a Choice—the Best Marriage Advice!"](https://blog.heartmanity.com/love-is-a-choice-best-marriage-advice) ![A loving couple playing chess together.](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Husband%20and%20wife%20playing%20chess%20in%20the%20kitchen_AdobeStock_489092449-Compressed.jpeg?width=6500&height=4333&name=Husband%20and%20wife%20playing%20chess%20in%20the%20kitchen_AdobeStock_489092449-Compressed.jpeg) ## 7 Grandmaster Strategies to Win at Love and Create a Happy Relationship **![HRT\_Icons\_STRATEGY-02](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/HRT_Icons_STRATEGY-02.png?width=91&height=91&name=HRT_Icons_STRATEGY-02.png) Give your partner the same interest and passion you give to your work or favorite hobby.** Remember those early weeks and months when the honeymoon [feel-good drugs](https://blog.heartmanity.com/increase-your-energy-with-the-natural-feel-good-drugs) were coursing through you? Enliven the connection between you again by giving focused attention toward your partner. Plan a special date night or an adventure that you used to do together but haven't done for a long while. Visit a new romantic restaurant or plan a trip tailored to your partner's favorite things! *Surprise them!*  **Your Next Grandmaster Move:** *Tonight, schedule something just for the two of you this week.*  **![HRT\_Icons\_STRATEGY-02](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/HRT_Icons_STRATEGY-02.png?width=91&height=91&name=HRT_Icons_STRATEGY-02.png)** **Carve out time for meaningful connections.** Don’t let conversations shrink to logistics about groceries, kids, or bills. Carve out daily or weekly time for real connection. Truly listen and be present to each other. Devote some time for meaningful conversation daily whenever possible—*but for sure weekly!*  **Your Next Grandmaster Move:** Tonight, ask your partner one open-ended question and give them your full attention. (See examples below.) | OPEN-ENDED QUESTIONS to deepen your connection. **![HRT\_Icons\_STRATEGY-02](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/HRT_Icons_STRATEGY-02.png?width=31&height=31&name=HRT_Icons_STRATEGY-02.png)“What’s something you’ve been thinking about lately that you haven’t shared with me yet?”** *Encourages openness and reveals thoughts or feelings your partner might be holding privately.* **![HRT\_Icons\_STRATEGY-02](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/HRT_Icons_STRATEGY-02.png?width=31&height=31&name=HRT_Icons_STRATEGY-02.png)“When in our relationship have you felt the most seen, heard, and understood by me?”** *Helps you learn what actions or moments matter most to them.* **![HRT\_Icons\_STRATEGY-02](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/HRT_Icons_STRATEGY-02.png?width=31&height=31&name=HRT_Icons_STRATEGY-02.png)“What’s a dream or goal you’d love for us to work toward together?”** *Shifts the focus to shared purpose and future vision.* **![HRT\_Icons\_STRATEGY-02](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/HRT_Icons_STRATEGY-02.png?width=31&height=31&name=HRT_Icons_STRATEGY-02.png)“How can I best support you right now in your life?”** *Invites your partner to express current needs and lets you actively meet them.* **![HRT\_Icons\_STRATEGY-02](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/HRT_Icons_STRATEGY-02.png?width=31&height=31&name=HRT_Icons_STRATEGY-02.png)“What’s a memory of us that always makes you smile, and why?”** *Brings positive emotions to the forefront while sparking nostalgia and bonding.* | | --- | **![HRT\_Icons\_STRATEGY-02](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/HRT_Icons_STRATEGY-02.png?width=91&height=91&name=HRT_Icons_STRATEGY-02.png)** **Pay attention to what makes your partner happy and brings a smile or a laugh.** Set an intention to do one of these little things every day. Small actions hold the power to spark more connection and lighten the tension that can begin to build.  Notice what lights your partner up—a joke, a certain food, a small gesture—and do it. *Often.* [Love is a choice!](https://blog.heartmanity.com/love-is-sometimes-inconvenient) **Your Next Grandmaster Move:** Tomorrow, make your partner smile before noon. **![HRT\_Icons\_STRATEGY-02](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/HRT_Icons_STRATEGY-02.png?width=91&height=91&name=HRT_Icons_STRATEGY-02.png)** **Focus on the now, not the frustrations.** Sometimes couples get stuck on the [annoyances or complaints](https://blog.heartmanity.com/relationship-rescue-turn-complaints-into-closeness) within the relationship and they become a negative focus, eating away at the love connection between them. Make a concerted effort to put your attention on what you love about your partner, their charm or humor, or kindness. Notice and appreciate it! Keep your eye on what makes your relationship strong or unique. **Your Next Grandmaster Move:** Tonight, tell your partner one thing you genuinely love or admire about them. **![HRT\_Icons\_STRATEGY-02](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/HRT_Icons_STRATEGY-02.png?width=91&height=91&name=HRT_Icons_STRATEGY-02.png)** **Take relationship timeouts for [emotional resets](https://blog.heartmanity.com/blog/5-steps-to-reset-your-emotions-and-find-inner-peace/).** Just as grandmasters sometimes take a pause to step back from the chessboard, in relationships, incorporating brief emotional “timeouts” can help you reset, reflect, and return with clarity. These little breaks help enormously to strengthen [emotional regulation](https://blog.heartmanity.com/why-should-you-care-about-emotional-regulation) that is imperative for  relationship happiness. Whether it's a quiet walk, a moment to [journal your feelings](https://blog.heartmanity.com/journaling-ideas), or a shared breathing exercise, stepping away from a charged moment gives both partners space to regain calmness and perspective. **Your Next Grandmaster Move:** Agree on a phrase like “pause and regroup,” then take a 10-minute independent breather before re-engaging with patience and intentionality. **![HRT\_Icons\_STRATEGY-02](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/HRT_Icons_STRATEGY-02.png?width=91&height=91&name=HRT_Icons_STRATEGY-02.png)** **Shake up the monotony with random acts of kindness—something unexpected or unanticipated.**  An unanticipated act could be to greet your husband with his favorite cold drink when he gets home from work; it could be to write a note of appreciation for your wife and hide it in her purse to find later. Or it could be a loving text message or a short phone call just to connect and say you love them. *Just like in chess, the possibilities are limitless!* **Your Next Grandmaster Move:** Do something tomorrow your partner won’t see coming. **![HRT\_Icons\_STRATEGY-02](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/HRT_Icons_STRATEGY-02.png?width=91&height=91&name=HRT_Icons_STRATEGY-02.png)**   **Play to win together!** Remember, your partner isn’t your opponent—they’re your teammate. When you both think strategically about building joy, intimacy, and trust, love becomes unbeatable. **Your Next Grandmaster Move:** Ask your partner, “What’s one thing I could do this week to make you feel more loved?” Then do it. Related reading:: "[If You Want a Successful Marriage, Increase Self-Mastery](https://blog.heartmanity.com/if-you-want-a-successful-marriage-increase-self-mastery)!" ## Your Endgame: Love with Intention It’s up to you: will your relationship be a roll of the dice like *Chutes and Ladders* or a finely crafted masterpiece like chess? The truth is, you already have everything you need to be a grandmaster in love: patience, creativity, and the ability to think ahead. Use them daily, and your relationship won’t just survive—it will flourish. **7-Day Challenge:** For the next 7 days, make one small, intentional “love move” every day. Watch how it transforms your connection. Related reading: "[Let Go of Expectations and Start Enjoying Your Relationship](https://blog.heartmanity.com/let-go-of-expectations-and-start-enjoying-your-relationship)!' **For more marriage advice or support in your relationship, reach out to us at [support@heartmanity.com](mailto:support@heartmanity.com). And if you want more tips and fresh insights, sign up for our HeartMail newsletter. Grab the nuggets to nurture your love!** [![Yes, sign me up!](https://hubspot-no-cache-na2-prod.s3.amazonaws.com/cta/default/2012781/82435b81-2171-41b3-90b0-ef5a43d9be2c.png)](https://hubspot-cta-redirect-na2-prod.s3.amazonaws.com/cta/redirect/2012781/82435b81-2171-41b3-90b0-ef5a43d9be2c) ### Like the article? Help us spread the word and share it! Facebook Twitter Pinterest LinkedIn **![Jennifer A. Williams / Heartmanity Founder](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Jennifer%20Williams022.jpg?width=225&name=Jennifer%20Williams022.jpg)[Jennifer A. Williams / Heartmanity Founder](https://blog.heartmanity.com/author/jennifer-a-williams-heartmanity-founder)** Jennifer, as the Heartmanity Founder, has coached couples for over two decades. With her extensive experience and vast knowledge of emotional intelligence and brain science, Jennifer provides profound insights. She specializes in communication and teaches EQ skills needed to create healthy relationships. Jennifer is happily married and the mother of three grown children who are incredible human beings. ### You may also like: ![Is Your Relationship Communication Stifling or Deepening Your Love?](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Cosy-weekend-chats-658408252_Compressed.jpeg?width=250&height=150&name=Cosy-weekend-chats-658408252_Compressed.jpeg) [Is Your Relationship Communication Stifling or Deepening Your Love?](https://blog.heartmanity.com/relationship-communication) ![Create a Successful Marriage: Don't Compromise!](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Taking-photos-of-beautiful-nature-641236068_2122x1416-1.jpeg?width=250&height=150&name=Taking-photos-of-beautiful-nature-641236068_2122x1416-1.jpeg) [Create a Successful Marriage: Don't Compromise!](https://blog.heartmanity.com/create-a-successful-marriage-dont-compromise) ![The Grounded Connection: How to Have a Happy Marriage in a High-Voltage World](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Love-187046640_Compressed.jpeg?width=250&height=150&name=Love-187046640_Compressed.jpeg) [The Grounded Connection: How to Have a Happy Marriage in a High-Voltage World](https://blog.heartmanity.com/how-to-have-a-happy-marriage) ![How Your Phone Is Quietly Dulling Emotional Intimacy in Your Relationship](https://blog.heartmanity.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Couple%20on%20couch%20both%20on%20phones_SM_Compressed.png?width=250&height=150&name=Couple%20on%20couch%20both%20on%20phones_SM_Compressed.png) [How Your Phone Is Quietly Dulling Emotional Intimacy in Your Relationship](https://blog.heartmanity.com/the-invisible-relationship-firewall-is-your-phone-blocking-real-intimacy) Posted in [Love, Marriage, and Relationships](https://blog.heartmanity.com/topic/love-marriage-and-relationships) © Heartmanity 2026 [Back to Blog](https://blog.heartmanity.com) ### Free Newsletter! 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[Sitemap](https://heartmanity.com/sitemap/) | [Privacy Policy](https://info.heartmanity.com/privacy-policy) ```json { "@context" : "https://schema.org", "@type" : "NewsArticle", "author" : [ { "@type" : "Person", "name" : "Jennifer A. Williams / Heartmanity Founder", "url" : "https://blog.heartmanity.com/author/jennifer-a-williams-heartmanity-founder" } ], "dateModified" : "2025-08-10T22:58:10", "datePublished" : "2022-01-12T18:15:00", "headline" : "Love Deliberately Like a Grandmaster Plays Chess", "image" : [ "https://info.heartmanity.com/hubfs/Chess1-1.jpg" ] } ```